"I do not want children, Alethea."
It was a simple statement, but it's impact on her was immense. For a moment, she forgot to breathe. Surely she had misheard.
"You... you do not want... children?" she repeated.
"I have no wish to be a father," he said, enunciating each word clearly. His gaze remained fixed on her, unapologetic.
Shock held Alethea in place. Of all the replies she had imagined, this had never crossed her mind. She had taken it as given thatone day their marriage would produce a family. She opened her mouth, but for a moment no sound emerged.
Oliver used the silence to continue, his tone gentler now.
"I am sorry if this is not what you expected. I did not intend to have this conversation tonight, but by coming here you have forced my hand. I would not have you live under false hopes."
"It is not a ‘hope' to assume a marriage will result in a family. It is a natural expectation. And you say you never intend...?" She broke off, pressing a hand to her chest to steady herself. "Why would you not want children? Have I…" She caught herself before voicing the fear that perhapsshewas the problem, that he found her lacking.
Oliver stepped toward her, then halted, his hand half-lifted as if he might reach for her but thought better of it.
"This is not because of you," he said quietly. "This is my own choice. I simply do not wish to father any children. Ever."
"Did it not occur to you that marriage is not a choice one makes alone? That in marrying me, you involved me in this choice as well? How could you keep such a thing from me?" Her eyes stung fiercely with the threat of tears, but she refused to let them fall.
He looked away, shame flickering over his features.
"Perhaps I should have told you before the wedding," he admitted. "But our engagement was so swift, and circumstances, well you know how it went. I do not need to repeat the story to you."
"But surely you did not think the details of what that entailed unimportant? Or did you assume I would be content to be a wife in name only?" she asked him.
His eyes flashed with a hint of anger now.
"Many marriages among our class are little more than that," he said. "Heirs produced out of necessity, but otherwise husband and wife lead largely separate lives. I thought perhaps you would prefer an arrangement of mutual respect and companionship, without pressures you might not welcome."
"I do not see children as an unwelcome pressure," she told him. "In fact, they are the one thing I thought a husband and wife might actually share, apart from a roof and a title. I imagined raising a family. Was I so wrong to want that?"
He closed his eyes for a moment, as if her words pained him. When he opened them, she saw him flex his hands at his sides. "I am not judging you for wanting that," he said finally, "But it is not something I can give you. I am sorry."
The apology, sincere though it sounded, did nothing to ease her anger.
"And what do you propose I do with that apology? Frame it and hang it on the nursery wall that will never exist?"
She had not ever meant to be so harsh with him, but he was denying her something that was her duty to provide.
"Alethea..."
She held up a hand to halt him, stepping back in turn. If he touched her, even in comfort, she feared she might break.
"No. I have heard enough." Her voice wavered. "In fact, more than I ever wanted to hear tonight."
"You will come to understand in time," he said simply.
"I do not understand," she cut in, and now the first hot tear escaped to slip down her cheek. She ignored it. "I understand nothing of your reasons, since you do not see fit to share them. All I know is that you have entered into a sacred union with me all the while intending that there will be no children. And you thought I would simply accept this?"
Oliver opened his mouth, perhaps to offer some explanation, but then closed it again without a word.
What explanation could he give that would not hurt her further? If there was one, he clearly chose not to voice it. Alethea wasn't sure she wanted to hear it anyway.
Perhaps he cannot have children... or perhaps he already has an heir somewhere, some illegitimate child, and has no need of more?
She pushed the speculation away before it consumed her. She could not stand here and ruminate over his secret motives.
