What she really wanted to ask was,Do I wish to know, really?Their marriage felt like it hung on such a delicate balance that anything could tilt it over to the wrong side. They had been teetering on the balancing edge for a while now.
“I have given some thought to our…” He paused for a moment, his frown deepening. “Well, our arrangement.”
“You mean our marriage?” she asked him. Somehow, using the term arrangement felt like a step back.
“Our arrangement,” he corrected. She felt her heart sink.
“And?”
“I’ve come to the conclusion,” he began as though he had to force the words out, “that it might be best if we lived separately.”
Violet stared at him, her mind racing to catch up with what he had just said.
“I am not sure if I understand you. You want us to live… separately?” she repeated.
Where had this come from?
“Yes,” Nicholas said, his tone clipped. “I’ve realized that I am not suited to this life. To thisarrangement.It’s my fault entirely. With no blame to you. I’ve lived as a bachelor for so long that I find it difficult to adapt.”
“But… we’re married,” she reminded him. Had he suddenly forgotten?
“On paper, yes,” he said, his gaze fixed firmly on her now. “But I believe we both knew from the start that this was a marriage of convenience. And while we’ve become…friends—” The word seemed to pain him as he said it. “—I cannot be someone I’m not.”
Her chest tightened at his words, and she felt a painful sting behind her eyes.
“Are you saying this because of what happened yesterday?” she demanded, trying to make sense of him. “Because—it really feels like a big step backwards only due to a small misstep. I can be more careful…”
He cut her off. “You may consider it a step back, but I see it as a step in the right direction.”
That stung.
“So please explain to me what is it that you mean, exactly,” her voice thickened. “You wish to live away from me—and by that I assume move away from the estate—because you believe it is the right thing to do?”
Nicholas nodded, his expression resolute. “It’s for the best.”
“For the best,” she echoed. “For whom, exactly?”
And why did he get to decide that on his own?
“For both of us,” he replied. “You deserve more than what I can offer, Violet. I am not the man who can give you what you want.”
“And what made you suddenly realize this?” she questioned. If he was going to tell her something so life-altering so casually, then she at least had the right to press him with questions.
“I told you,” he maintained his calm tone. “Our lifestyles are too different. We cannot co-exist. It is simply not fair to either me or you.”
Lifestyles.
Something in her mind clicked as he said the word.
Her lips parted. “This isn’t about our different lifestyles, is it? This is about your affairs.”
Nicholas’ jaw tightened, but he said nothing, his silence confirming her worst fears.
Violet’s breath hitched, the room suddenly feeling too warm, too stifling. “You think I want to live under the shadow of rumors? That I would tolerate it?”
She could not control her reaction—the heat that rushed to her cheeks, the stabbing pain in her chest that began to spread outwards.
Was he leaving her to pursue affairs with other women? That, too, after that kiss?
