She couldn't tell her sister what James had confided about his past, about what his stepmother had done to him. That was James's story to tell or not to tell as he saw fit, and she knew it. But at the same time, she couldn't deny that she had been affected by what he had shared with her. She had begun to see him as a person, someone who had been through struggles not so different from her own. That had been the moment she had begun to lose control of things, she thought—it was impossibleto go on thinking of him as a villain once she knew that much of his story. And once she'd opened the door to thinking of him as an ally, once she had surrendered her animosity, falling in love had been much easier to do.
She still hadn't meant to do it.
She still didn't know how it could have happened.
Cressida was looking at her with pity in her eyes. "Oh, Victoria," she said softly. "I knew you had become fond of him, of course, but I had no idea it was this serious."
"It isn't serious."
"If you're in love with him, I think that's serious."
"I never said I was in love."
"You didn't have to say it. It's written all over your face. I can see it in your eyes. I know what you look like when you're in love."
"How can you? I've never been in love before."
"Never? What about…?"
"I wasn't in love with him," Victoria said. "I can see that now."
"You can see that now because you're in love now," Cressida said quietly. "You can see that now because you have something to compare it to. Isn't that right?"
Victoria closed her eyes.
"It's all right," Cressida said quietly. "You don't need to feel embarrassed about this, Victoria."
"I don't know how I could have allowed it to happen. I never meant for it to happen."
"I know. I understand. Believe me. I never meant to fall in love with Matthew either."
"But that's different, Cressida. Can't you see how different that is? Matthew is your husband. And besides that, he returns your affection."
"You don't think the duke returns yours?"
"I think that if he did, he would be trying to stop me from marrying someone else," Cressida said. "If he felt anything for me, he wouldn't want to see me married to Henry!"
"What did he say when he found out about Lord Harbury's proposal?"
"To tell you the truth, he hasn't spoken to me about it at all," Victoria said. "At least, not since it happened. He told me that Henry was coming to propose, and he said that I should accept the proposal."
"Well, that doesn't mean he doesn't return your feelings," Cressida said. "Perhaps he doesn't know what to make of the way he feels. Men aren't always good at this sort of thing, you know. Maybe he fears that you would reject him if he was honest with you about what he felt."
"I don't think so," Victoria said gloomily. "He hasn't spoken to me since then. It's obvious that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I think he told me to accept the proposal because he's simply ready for me to be on my way. He's been clear from the start that he wanted me out of the house, and now the opportunity has finally come. He's found me a good match—someone who wants to marry me, someone who cares about my well-being and has the means to provide. The only problem with the arrangement is that I don't want it!"
She was breathing hard by the time she finished speaking, and Cressida reached out and took her hand. For a moment, the two sisters just sat there together.
Persephone wound her way around Victoria's ankle with a purr that would ordinarily have been soothing. Today, it hardly caught Victoria's notice at all. She was too distracted by her emotions.
"If you don't want it," Cressida said gently, "why did you say yes to it?"
"Because the duke is never going to want me," Victoria said. "At least by doing this I can get out of his house and move on with my life. I won't have to face him every day. I won't have to look in his eyes and feel as though my heart is breaking all over again, knowing that I will never have him. I can leave him behind me, and that's all I want."
"Victoria…are you sure? Have you truly thought about this? Maybe you should take some more time," Cressida said.
"How could I possibly do that? I've already agreed to this marriage. I've already told Lord Harbury that I'll be his wife, and he has already begun to make the plans. If I change my mind now, I'll have betrayed a kind man who has never done me any wrong. I'll have doomed myself to spending more time with a man I love who doesn't return my affections. I may even have sabotaged the last chance I'"ll ever have to marry at all."
"I thought you didn't wish to marry."
