Movement in one of the upper windows.
It was James.
He was standing in his office, she saw, and gazing down over the gardens. He must have been watching her—that window offered a perfect view of this side of the building, and this was where James had known she would be walking with Henry.
Though he had tried to imply that he didn't care what she did, Victoria wasn't fooled—hewastaking an interest. That much was clear.
The only question was—what did he want? What did he want to have happen? What was he hoping she would do?
There was a fluttering of hope in her heart. Perhaps even now, he was hoping that she would decline this marriage proposal. Perhaps he hadn't wanted to ask her to choose him, but deep down, he was still hoping that she would.
But…no, that couldn't be. She had nearly asked him outright whether that was the case, and he had told her no. It didn't make sense to go on hoping for something she knew she could never have. It was foolish and irresponsible, and she was setting herself up for heartbreak.
He would force her to marry eventually, and he would never marry her himself. And given those facts, maybe the best thing for her to do was to accept the gentleman who stood before her. After all, if nothing else, he was kind. He did seem to want the best for her. She could see the value in those things. She knew that she could do much worse.
"I have to tell you the truth," she told Henry. "You deserve honesty."
"The truth about what?"
"I'm not in love with you," she said. "And I don't know whether I ever will be. It's nothing personal, but I find love a difficult thing to experience, and I don't know that I'll ever feel it for another gentleman again." Her eyes lingered on James, but she forced herself to look away. To make eye contact with Henry instead. He was the one she was speaking to now, not James. He had the right to feel as if he had her full attention."
"I hadn't expected you to feel love for me already," Henry said. "After all, we hardly know one another. I did hope some feelings might grow over time, though. Are you saying they won't?"
"I'm merely saying that I can't offer any guarantee. I like you quite a lot, Henry. I respect you, and I have always enjoyed your company. But as for love…I just don't know whether I have that in me. Not for anyone. And if not, I wouldn't want to marry you under false pretenses. I wouldn't want to give you hope that something will grow between us, only for you to realize that it never will."
"I'm willing to take the chance," Henry said.
"And if you're disappointed?"
"Well," he said, "you do like me, correct? You enjoy my company?"
"That's right," Victoria said. She could give him that much.
"Well then, if worse comes to worst, we will have a marriage of companionship. We will be friends to one another and partners in our life together. And truly, would that be so bad?"
"It wouldn't be bad at all," Victoria said. "I can see myself truly enjoying that life, Henry. But I don't want to be dishonest with you. That's all it is."
"Consider me dealt with honestly," he told her, smiling. "And now that you've been honest…will you consider being my wife, Victoria? Because I'm being honest withyouwhen I tell you that nothing would make me happier—whether it turns to a marriage of love or not."
"This is really what you want?"
"It really is."
She looked up at the house again. James was still standing in the window, still watching their conversation, and Victoria couldn't help feeling as though he was listening to every word that was being said, even though she knew there was no way he could hear them from up there.
It broke her heart.
She had let herself become attached to him. She'd allowed herself to care for him. She could see now what a mistake that had been. She should have kept him at arm's length all this time—she never should have allowed him to get close. Now that hehad, she could only accept that she deserved this heartbreak. She had brought it upon herself, and the consequences were hers to deal with.
"Yes," she said softly, her eyes on James. "I'll marry you."
Henry said something in response, but Victoria couldn't focus on his words. The only thing that had her attention was James—the man she truly loved—up in the window, staring down at her as she promised herself to someone else.
CHAPTER 34
"Will you be able to bring the cats with you to Lord Harbury's estate?" Cressida asked, leaning down to stroke Hades.
"Yes, I will," Victoria said. "I made sure to ask him whether it would be all right. After the way James reacted when he first encountered them, I didn't want to take any chances. But it seems he's telling the truth about his eagerness to marry me. I have the impression that he would agree to anything I asked for."
