"If you'll try, that's all I can ask," Benjamin said. "It would mean so much to me."
Victoria felt filled with dread at the prospect of confronting James, but at the same time, she knew she had already done more than she should have by having this conversation at all. It seemed only right, now that she follow through.
"All right," she told Benjamin. "If it means that much to you—I will try."
CHAPTER 29
"You haven't been around all day," James commented over dinner.
Victoria looked up at him, her face a mask of surprise. "I did tell you that I was going out with Cressida," she said. "I know how important it is to you that you be told where I'm going, and I was determined to respect that."
"I know," James said. "I appreciate you telling me—I'm not criticizing you. I just noticed that you were gone for quite a long time. You told me that the two of you meant to have a picnic, and I suppose I simply anticipated that you would return earlier than you did—that's all."
"I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression," she said.
"No, no. You did nothing wrong," James assured her. "I just wondered what your day was like, that's all. Was the picnic the only thing you did, or did you go somewhere else?"
He expected a casual answer, but to his surprise, Victoria let out a sigh and set down her fork.
"What is it?" James asked her. "Is something wrong?"
"I debated whether or not I ought to tell you this," she said slowly.
"Well, I think you have to tell me now." He was beginning to feel worried. "Did something happen?"
"Something did, yes…and you're not going to like it very much. But I want to be honest with you, James, and I hope that counts for something."
He was going to be angry, he realized. She was giving him the sort of cautious look she had given him in the past when she thought she might have done something that would irritate him. He gritted his teeth. He wanted very much not to be angry with her, but he also knew her capacity for defiance. "What happened?"
"We were in the park, having our picnic, when…well, Benjamin appeared."
She didn't look up from her plate. James stared at her, waiting to see if she would have the courage to meet his eyes, but she didn't.
Finally, he spoke. "I know you didn't speak with him," he said. "Because you and I discussed this. We talked about the fact that Ididn't want you to associate with him. You agreed to respect my wishes."
"He approached me," Victoria said. "I didn't know what to do. Should I have told him that you didn't permit me to speak with him, so he needed to go away?"
"Yes. That's precisely what you should have done."
"I don't know if it would have worked. I don't know if he would have turned away or not. It was apparent that he wanted to speak to me."
"He did, did he?" James realized he was gripping his own fork so tightly that the metal was hurting his hand, and he forced himself to set it down. "And what was so important that he felt the need to come over and speak to you yet again? Had he not had enough of your company?"
"You make it sound as if my company is something people should tire of," Victoria shot back, finally looking up at him. Her eyes were blazing, and for a moment James felt short of breath, remembering how engaging he always found her to speak to. He couldn't quite think straight in that moment. He wanted nothing more than to forget that he was angry at her at all, to tell her that none of this mattered. All these years later and Benjamin wasstilla problem in his life—how wonderful it would be to set that burden down and focus instead on something he truly cared about!
But he couldn't. He couldn't face the fact that she had spoken to Benjamin against his will. "Don't be ridiculous," he snapped. "I want to know what he wanted with you, that's all."
"It's not me he wants anything with," Victoria said. "It's you."
"I don't know what you mean by that."
"You're his brother, James. You can't imagine why he might want to associate with you? He stops me, he speaks to me, because he wants me to put him in contact with you. He wants to talk to you, after all these years. He wants a relationship with you. Is that so difficult to believe?"
"Why would he want such a thing? Benjamin and I have never had any sort of relationship."
"Well, I mentioned that to him?—"
"Oh, so this was a whole conversation?"
