"I suppose I thought…well, he did say he would let me choose who I married as long as I was cooperative."
"I can understand that. But it still surprises me that you chose to cooperate at all," Cressida said. "I would have thought that you would continue to fight, even if you gave him a verbal agreement to do what he wanted you to do. But I think you're actuallyplanning to work with him. To go along with his plan. You're going to let him marry you off."
"And from that you infer that I have feelings for him? Why would I let him marry me to someone else if I had feelings for him, Cressida? Why would hewantto marry me to someone else if he had feelings for me? None of it makes sense."
"Because you're both so fearful of your feelings for the other that it's easier to simply lean into this plan of making an arrangement," Cressida said simply. "That's what I think. I think you have mutual feelings for one another, and neither of you has been able to face it. Now, can you honestly tell me that I'm wrong, Victoria?"
Victoria felt a shiver run down her spine. As always, her sister had looked at her and had seen far more than Victoria had intended to show her. She adored Cressida, of course—she loved her sister more than anything. But talking to her often felt like standing on the edge of a cliff and looking down. Cressida simply knew her too well for Victoria to feel fully safe in these conversations. With a few careful questions and comments, Cressida could penetrate right to the very heart of her.
"I don't know if you're right or not," she admitted. "But I do know that nothing will ever come of it if you are. James doesn't wish to marry, and he doesn't want to keep me in his house. The only path forward for me is to marry someone else and to move on with my life, the way he's encouraged me to."
"Perhaps you're accepting his plan for you because you know it will make him happy with you, and that's something you want," Cressida suggested.
"Perhaps I am," Victoria was forced to concede.
"But if I'm right about his feelings for you, won't he be that much happier if you force him to confront what's in his heart? If you challenge him to look inside and accept the fact that he has real feelings for you? The best way to help him is to get him to realize that he cares for you, Victoria. If you love him?—"
"I didn't say I loved him," Victoria interjected. She couldn't help feeling that this was getting out of hand. "I barely said that I didn'tdislikehim. You can't have gottenlovefrom anything I said."
"I don't know," Cressida admitted. "All I know is that there's something between the two of you. You might want to help him by giving in to his plans for you, but in fact I think the best thing you could do for him would be to be honest about the way you feel—and encourage him to be honest as well. I think you should both talk about what you feel for each other, because if you don't do that, you're going to miss out on your opportunity to be together."
"This isn't a good idea," Victoria said. She was now fervently regretting having brought the subject up at all. "You can't understand, because you don't know James the way I do. I promise you that what you're suggesting is not what he wants from me. He wants me to cooperate, to make things easy, and ifI do, perhaps he and I will be able to remain on good terms when this is all over."
"Ah," Cressida said knowingly. "So that's what you want, then. You're hoping to preserve a friendship in all of this."
Victoria wanted to object, but the truth was that her sister had it exactly right. She couldn't bear the idea of losing everything she and James had established together. A marriage would come between them, to be sure, but if she chose the right man—if she found one who was kind and loving and accepting—perhaps she would be permitted to go on being friends with James. Maybe she wouldn't have to lose him altogether.
It was difficult to admit, but the thought of prolonging their friendship made her feel sense of hope.
The trouble is, if Cressida is right about that…what else is she right about?
CHAPTER 28
"Lady Victoria!"
Cressida turned toward the voice and frowned. "I don't know this gentleman," she said. "You have many new friends these days, Victoria. Who is this one?"
Victoria turned too, and her heart sank. Benjamin was walking across the park lawn, a big smile on his face as he approached them. "Oh, dear," she murmured.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm not supposed to associate with him."
"What do you mean, you're not supposed to?"
"I mean that James has asked me not to."
Cressida raised her eyebrows. "And what of that?" she asked. "The duke isn't here, and I'm not going to tell him. Besides, what is this—another situation like the one with Lord Harbury, where he's ordered you away from a perfectly kind gentleman who wants nothing more than to get to know you?"
"Not exactly like that, no."
"Then what's going on?"
But Victoria had no more time to explain the situation, for Benjamin was now upon them. "Lady Victoria," he said warmly. "I'm so pleased to see you."
"It's nice to see you too," Victoria said, though she knew she shouldn't. She was supposed to be avoiding Benjamin. Somehow, now that the moment had arrived, she couldn't quite bring herself to do it. It was just that he was such a good person—so kind, so easy to get along with. Whatever had happened in the past between James and his stepmother, surely Benjamin couldn't be held accountable. As James had said himself, Benjamin had been only a child.
"I wish James had been with you today," Benjamin admitted. "I would have liked to see him. But then, I imagine he wouldn't be too happy about seeing me."
