"She was awful to me," James said. He was surprised by how even his voice sounded. He never spoke about this, and the words felt like daggers to his guts, but he sounded perfectly normal. "My father remarried when I was about five years old. His wife despised me. Things got worse after she gave birth to her son —Benjamin. She resented that I was to be my father's heir, and that Benjamin would not."
"I see," Victoria said. Her face had softened. "Did Benjamin resent you for that also?"
"Not a bit. Benjamin was never anything but kind to me. I think one thing that's been hard for me to face, if I'm honest, is the fact that I've never been able to accept his kindness and be a true brother to him. It's just that everything his mother did was so hurtful that I can’t even look at him without thinking of her."
"What did she do that was so bad?"
"She was simply awful—and to be honest, Victoria, I don't care to talk about it. I don't want to think about her. The only thing I'll say now is that I feel lucky to have survived my childhood, sharing a home with her.
He said it matter-of-factly, but Victoria gasped. "You can't mean that!"
"I do mean it. She was a very cruel woman. Of course, Benjamin was always her favorite, so I wouldn't be at all surprised if he simply didn't know this side of her character. She treated him well, with nothing but respect, because he was her true son. She wanted nothing but the best for him. But for me…I think she would have been just as happy if I had disappeared, or if I had never existed in the first place. To be honest, she probably would have been happier."
"How can you say such a thing? What I mean is, how can you be sure of it? That your stepmother would wish you away like that…I know you weren't her true son, but you were only a child. Shecouldn't have felt like that. Nobody could feel that way toward an innocent child."
James gave her a small smile. "You mean to say that you couldn't feel that way," he told her. "And of course you couldn't, because you're a good person, Victoria. Of course it's foreign to you that someone could despise a child simply for existing. But I tell you, she did. If there was anything she could have done to be rid of me, she would have done it. She wouldn't have hesitated.
"Didn't you tell anyone? Your father?"
"I told him, but he was simply too infatuated with her to see clearly, and he believed I had made the whole thing up. I think he wanted to believe that," James said. "Benjamin was only a child while all of this was happening, of course. But even so, I think a part of me grew to resent him for not realizing what a terrible person his mother was. Thinking on it now, it might have been too much to expect of him."
"And is that why you moved away from London?"
"When I was nineteen years old, my father died, leaving me the title of viscount. That was when I chose to leave the family home for good. I gave my stepmother enough money from my father's estate to ensure that she and Benjamin would be able to live and that they would never bother me, and then I went off on my own."
"I can't believe you gave them money."
"I had to. If I hadn't, my stepmother would have tried to stay in my life," James said. "I was ready to do whatever it took to rid myself of her once and for all."
"You believe she would have tried to remain in your life? You just said that she was ready to do whatever it took to be rid of you."
"Of course, but all that changed when I had my father's money," James said bitterly. "She would have done anything to get her hands on that money—even put up with me. A part of me did want to keep it from her, I can admit that. But I didn't want it so badly that I was willing to spend one moment longer with her than was necessary."
"No, I can understand that," Victoria said. "I only meant that it surprises me that you didn't put up more of a fight about it. You don't strike me as someone willing to give in to the sensible solution when it comes to getting what you want, if that means a compromise. I would have thought you would put up more of a fight. That's all I'm saying."
"I just wanted to be rid of her," James said. "I just wanted to move on. I wanted that more than I wanted money—considerably more. I would have done almost anything to get her out of my life, and I'm glad I did it. I have no regrets."
Victoria nodded. "And you got rid of Benjamin at the same time," she concluded.
"The two of them went together."
"That's why you didn't want me to associate with him, then. Not for my sake or for his, but because you didn't want to allow him back into your life."
James nodded. "That's why."
"It's an understandable perspective to take."
"Even so, I should never have allowed it to drive me to say what I did to you," James said. "I know you're not guilty of murder, and I'm ashamed that I suggested otherwise because I didn't want to explain my relationship with my brother to you. I should have just told you all this. You asked me many times to explain myself. You gave me many chances. I knew what you wanted from me, and I should have given it to you."
"You didn't owe me anything." She glanced at the fire. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't realize Persephone was in here."
"She isn't doing anything wrong. She's not bothering me."
Victoria's eyes widened. "I thought you couldn't stand my cats."
"She isn't so bad. She's just enjoying the warmth of the fire," James said. "And having her here was nice, because it reassured me that you would be coming back."
"You really thought I might not be, didn't you?"
