Victoria was confused. "I don't know what you mean," she said. "I've told you the whole story."
"No, I don't mean I think you're leaving part of the story out," Cressida said. "But I think there's some detail you're omitting. Something about your thoughts…or perhaps about your feelings."
"I promise, I've told you everything that's relevant."
"You don't want to leave the duke," Cressida said. "You enjoy living with him, don't you?"
Victoria felt heat come into her cheeks. "Why would I enjoy that? He's awful."
"It's all right," Cressida told her. "I'm your sister. You can tell me the truth. You like being around him. You must admit, he's the only thing you seem to talk about lately. You've noticed that, haven't you?"
"If I talk about him frequently, it's because he's the most significant thing in my life at the moment!" Victoria sputtered. "He came back to town and set in motion a plan to make me move out of my home! He wants to arrange a marriage for me that I've expressed no interest whatsoever in! How could I spare any attention for anything else? Of course he occupies the forefront of my mind! I can't believe you would suggest that that means Ilikebeing around him. I can't stand the man!"
"That's not true," Cressida told her gently. "I know you very well, Victoria. I know how you react when you're passionate about something." She leaned forward and took Victoria's hands carefully in her own.
Victoria's heart pounded. She felt anxious and upset, but she forced herself not to pull away from her sister.
"This is how you were with Jonathan," Cressida said. "Before you knew what kind of man he was. When you thought you were in love."
Victoria went rigid.
"I'm sorry," Cressida said. "I know we don't speak about him. I know you don't like to hear his name. I don't like it either. And I don't mean to suggest that the duke is anything like that man, because I don't believe he is, even at his worst."
Victoria nodded. As angry as she sometimes got with James, she could agree that that was true. His flaws paled in comparison to those of Jonathan.
"The reason I'm bringing this up is that I never thought I would see you in this state again after what happened all those years ago," Cressida said. "I know you decided to give up on the idea of love. But I think, in spite of everything, it might have found you again."
"No it hasn't," Victoria whispered. "No."
She couldn't face the idea that that was true. It couldn't be true. Whatever was going on with her head and her heart—no, it couldn't possibly belove. Perhaps she had developed a certain fondness for James, for the time they spent together and the lively conversations they shared. But that wasn't love.
Her sister was interpreting things incorrectly. She wasn't used to Victoria feeling very strongly about any gentleman, and that was understandable. Victoria had hardly thought about men at all since her husband's death. If James hadn't come into town when he had, she probably never would have thought about men again.
But he was here now, and she was thinking about him.
Was there a chance that Cressida wasright?
She took a deep breath and picked up her cup of tea, trying not to pay any attention to the fact that her hand was shaking as she did so. She didn't want Cressida to see how bothered she was by the turn this conversation had taken. She wasn't used to trying to conceal things from her sister, and it didn't feel good to do it now, but she knew that it was thinly chance she had of convincing Cressida to abandon this idea that she was in love with James. She needed Cressida to let go of that thought. She didn't want to have to go on defending herself against it—she wasn't sure she could.
"I think I became comfortable with him, that's all," she said, impressed as she spoke at how steady her voice had become. "I think I allowed myself to get used to the fact that I'm sharing myhome with someone else. That's what you're seeing. Not passion. Just comfort."
Cressida frowned doubtfully. "I'm not so sure," she said. "But…well, if you say that's what it is, I have no choice but to believe you, Victoria. I just hope you know that you can tell me anything. No matter what you might be thinking or feeling, you can always talk to me. You can always come to me. And no matter how surprising and unpredictable it might seem…I will always be here for you."
CHAPTER 24
"Idon't understand. Is this the kind of thing she ordinarily does?"
Maxwell the butler shook his head. "The Duchess has gotten used to being able to go where she likes when she likes," he said. "I'm sure it never occurred to her that she might need to tell you what she was doing."
"You don't need to defend her," James said. "She knew exactly what she was doing. We argued last night, and when I awoke this morning, she was gone. I thought there was an understanding between the two of us that if she was going to leave the house, she needed to let me know where she was going and when she would be back."
"I'm sure she will return soon," Maxwell said soothingly.
"You can't know that." James was surprised by how worried he felt. "What if she's decided to run away for good?"
"She wouldn't have done that," Maxwell assured him. "The Duchess may have a mind of her own, but she's very intelligent. She wouldn't do anything that would put her at risk like that. You needn't worry. I'm sure she'll be home soon."
"See that you send her to my study the moment she arrives," James said tersely. He turned and walked away.
