“I do not know,” Grace replied.
He looked at her suspiciously. “I do not believe you,” he said. “She would not have gone away without telling you where she was going.”
“Why are you so interested in where she is?” Grace asked defensively.
“That is not the point!” Tristan said, feeling his voice rising again as his emotions took over. “You know where she is, I can tell. You are lying to me!”
“Even if I did know where she was, I would not tell you, not when you are in this state,” Grace said. Her voice was firm and even, but Tristan could see in her eyes that she was worried, alarmed almost. He did not want to frighten her, but his chest was tight with panic, suddenly, at the thought of Diana and the sense of not knowing where she was.
“Not in this state?” he repeated, incredulous. “You think I care about decorum when Diana has vanished? I demand to know where she is!”
For the first time, he saw the flash of indignation in Grace’s eyes, her composure cracking under the weight of his anger. “You are being rude, Tristan. I expected more from you, as a gentleman if nothing else. You may think that I am meek and stupid, but I will not tolerate this behavior.”
“Rude?” he scoffed, taking a step closer, desperation clawing at him. “I am simply seeking answers. Nothing makes sense to me.”
“You speak as if I owe you some sort of explanation. You do not know the depths of my feelings. I cannot force my heart to feel what it does not,” Grace declared. There was dignity in her voice now, and it made Tristan stop and think for a moment.
The anger fizzled out, replaced by a dawning realization. He had never seen Grace so resolute, nor had he ever imagined her capable of such strength. “I apologize,” he said, his voice softening. “I did not mean to react so harshly. It is just…difficult for me to accept, when I had hoped that we would be married, and all my plans would come good.”
She regarded him with an intensity that made his heart contract painfully in his chest. “You must understand, Tristan. I care for you deeply, but it is not in the way that leads to love. We both deserve better. And perhaps you should have thought of all this before pursuing someone you do not love,” she said sharply, her voice rising again, each word cutting through the air like a finely honed blade. “I do not know why you are so determined to find Diana, but you will not find out her whereabouts from me.”
Tristan felt a wave of shame wash over him. He stepped back from her, and the anger that he had been feeling began to ebb away, leaving a hollow ache in his chest that felt as if it might consume him whole.
“I did not mean to lash out at you.” His voice was quieter now, almost a whisper, as he struggled to find the right words. The truth of it, though, was that he could not bear the thought of Diana being gone. The idea of her absence from his life created a chasm that he knew he could not navigate. But of coursehe could not tell Grace that. If he did, he would expose his vulnerability, and lay bare his soul in a way that terrified him. He stared at her, unsure what to do next, his mind racing with unspoken thoughts.
“Grace,” he began, but the words faltered, tangled in the net of his emotions. What could he say that would express the turmoil within him? The silence stretched between them, heavy and suffocating.
“I wish you well, Tristan,” she said, her voice softening, though her gaze did not meet his. She turned her eyes away, as if unwilling to even look at his face. It was clear to him in that moment that there was nothing more to say, and that he must walk away from this situation.
His heart was heavy as he turned to leave the room. The weight of Grace’s words settled heavily on his shoulders, like a shroud. The door clicked shut behind him, and he stepped into the cool evening air, confusion taking over his mind. The tranquil world around him contrasted starkly with the turmoil roiling inside. The garden, which could have been such a sanctuary of peace, felt alien and unwelcoming.
As he walked through the gardens, he felt utterly lost. The vibrant blooms, once a source of comfort and beauty, now seemed to mock his despair. Their colors were too bright against the backdrop of his muted emotions. He brushed past the flowers, their intoxicating scents now cloying.
He reached the edge of the estate and paused, looking out over the rolling hills that stretched toward the horizon. The sun dipped lower, casting the landscape in hues of gold and crimson. It was a breathtaking sight, but it did little to soothe his soul. The world was beautiful, yet he felt as if he were trapped in a storm, unable to escape the tempest within. He must go back to the stables, he thought, and find his horse, then go home. But he did not know what to do after that, where to turn or how to find peace.
The thought of Grace’s rejection loomed large in his mind, a shadow that darkened his thoughts and tightened his chest. The weight of his obligations pressed heavily upon him, suffocating him with their relentless demands. He needed direction, a plan, but his mind felt clouded, obscured by confusion and regret. Perhaps the ride home would help to bring him some focus, he thought, as he mounted his horse with mechanical precision, the familiar saddle feeling both comforting and foreign beneath him.
But as he cantered along the track towards home, the rhythmic sound of hooves striking the earth did little to clear the chaos swirling in his mind. Each stride seemed to echo his uncertainty, reverberating through the quiet landscape. Should he seek out Diana, and confront her about her sudden departure, or should he try to forget her entirely, to erase her from his thoughts along with Grace, and move forward with his life?
The questions tormented him, each one more pressing than the last, and he felt as if he were teetering on the edge of a precipice, unsure of which way to leap. The wind whipped through his hair, and for a brief moment, he found some solace in the thrill ofthe ride, allowing the speed to mask his turmoil. Yet, even as he pushed his horse faster, the clarity he sought remained elusive, like a mirage fading before him, even as he seemed to come closer.
With every passing moment, he felt the weight of his indecision bearing down upon him. He pictured Diana’s face, her laughter like music in his ears, and the thought of her left an ache deep within him. Could he truly let her go? The thought of seeking her out and confronting the truth filled him with dread, yet the idea of remaining in limbo felt equally unbearable.
As the path wound through the trees, the shadows lengthened and deepened, mirroring the darkness of his thoughts. Each rustle of leaves seemed to whisper doubts, and he clenched the reins tighter, desperate for some semblance of control. He needed to make a choice - one that would shape the course of his life, one that would either lead him to happiness or further entangle him in heartache.
Finally, he reached a clearing, the moonlight spilling down like silver over the landscape. He dismounted and took a moment to breathe, the cool night air filling his lungs as he wrestled with the enormity of the decisions before him.
Perhaps it was time to confront his feelings, and to make a decision. But as he stood beneath the vastness of the night sky, with stars twinkling like distant promises, he did not know if he was ready, truly, to ride into the unknown.
CHAPTER 26
It was fully dark when he arrived home, riding through the familiar gates of his estate. The sense of coming home, though, offered none of the comfort or relief it usually provided. He had hoped that the ride would calm his thoughts, but instead, a tempest of emotions churned within him, and the thought of his sister and Alistair waiting for him only deepened his sense of foreboding. They had stayed on following the house party, but he had not told them that morning where he was going, and he knew now that they would be full of questions as to where he had been and what he had been doing all day. He groaned inwardly at the thought of having to explain everything to them. Perhaps, he would try to go straight up to his room and avoid them? But no, that would not do. It would not be fair to avoid them, and he would only have to face the same questions in the morning over breakfast, and after a sleepless night.
He dismounted form his horse and handed the reins to a stableboy, then made his way inside the house. His heart was still heavy with the weight of the confrontation with Grace. Despite her politeness, he felt shocked and hurt by her rejection,even though it had triggered a myriad of other thoughts inside his head. The large foyer echoed with the sounds of his footsteps, and just as he entered the drawing room, he found Cecilia and Alistair seated together. They both looked up at him with concern as he came in.
“Tristan!” Cecilia exclaimed, rising from her chair. “Thank goodness you are home. We have been so worried about you all day!”
He forced a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m fine,” he replied curtly. He crossed the room and poured himself a drink from the sideboard. He felt that he needed the warmth of the liquid to chase away the chill that had settled in his bones following his long ride home, and to settle his unease too, perhaps.
