Diana whirled around to face him. “I do not know what it is that you want from me, My Lord,” she said, staring at him. “I have given you time with Grace. I thought that was what you wanted?”
“I cannot bear it! How am I supposed to concentrate on anything else, when you are smiling and giggling with that odious man?” Tristan demanded.
“You say I am impossible, but you are ridiculous,” Diana said hotly. “You cannot expect me to change my behavior to suit your whims. I think that even you do not know what you want, what you expect, from anyone!”
“I expect nothing from you, but I cannot bear to hear you lying to me!” Tristan said. He knew that his voice was raised, and that he was at risk of being overheard by the others, who would no doubt already be curious as to what was going on behind the hedge, but in the heat of the moment, he found that he did not care.
“I am not lying” Diana cried. “I will not stand for this any longer, My Lord.”
“He is not even funny!” Tristan retorted. He knew that she was right, and that he was being ridiculous. But try as he might, he could not seem to take control of his feelings.
Her expression shifted from shock to anger, and he could see the hurt in her eyes. “I have done nothing wrong,” she said quietly,“and yet you treat me as if I am your enemy. I do not understand, but I will suffer it no longer. I will not tolerate it.”
She turned and walked away, back towards where the others were presumably still waiting. He had no idea how she would explain her absence and he was not sure that he cared; it did not matter, in that moment, what anyone else thought. The only opinion that he cared about was hers, and it seemed that she hated him, and there was nothing he could do to change her mind.
Tristan fought the urge to chase after her, to grab her hand, to say – well, he did not even know what he wanted to say to her. He forced himself to take a deep breath, to try and regain control of himself. This situation could not go on, he resolved. He must do something, and quickly, before everything began to spiral out of control.
CHAPTER 20
“It is no use,” Tristan muttered to himself. He threw the covers back haphazardly and climbed out of bed, then padded across the room towards the window, which was open a little, letting the cool night air flow into the room. He pushed the drapes back and looked out into the night. The moon hung high in the sky, casting a silvery glow over the gardens beyond. All was still and peaceful, but the turmoil in Tristan’s mind would not cease. He had tossed and turned for hours in his bed, unable to find solace in sleep, as the events of the day replayed in his mind like a relentless tide. He could not free his mind from the remembrance of Diana’s hurt expression, and the memory of the heated words they had exchanged. He wished that he could take back some of the words that he had spoken, but he knew the reality of the situation; what they had said could never be unsaid.
And now, as he looked out into the darkness, his thoughts swirled about in his mind like a whirlpool. How could he have been so rude to her? He felt a pang of guilt so intense that it twisted in his gut, causing him a physical pain as he stood thereby the window. It was not Diana’s fault that he had allowed his emotions to get the better of him. He should have risen above it, and behaved in a more gentleman-like manner, but instead, he had let his feelings overcome him. And now, he had no idea what to do to make it right.
He ran a hand through his hair, turning things over again and again in his mind. Why had he been so disturbed, so jealous? He knew that he had lashed out at her and that it had been unfair. She was not the cause of his turmoil, was she? She was simply chatting to another gentleman at a party, just as she had said, and he had over-reacted, and now he would never be able to recover her good opinion of him, if in fact she had ever held such an opinion in the first place.
It was simply that he wanted her approval, he told himself. That was all there was to it. She was to be his sister-in-law, and her view of him mattered. He could not deny that fact. He was going to marry Grace; that was also a fact. And if Diana did dislike him, then life would be very difficult for everyone involved.
That was the truth of it, he told himself. That was why he couldn’t sleep. He was simply worried about her disapproval, and he needed to do something about it. But what?
Nevertheless, there was doubt nagging at him as he paced up and down in his room, and he still felt unable to settle himself to sleep. He resolved to go for a walk in the gardens; perhaps the coolness of the evening air would calm him down enough that he might finally be able to drop off to sleep. He craved oblivion more than anything, but his mind would not allow himany release. He dressed quietly, careful not to disturb anyone, and slipped out of the manor into the cool night air. The scent of blooming jasmine filled his senses, and he took a deep breath, hoping it would wash away the turmoil within him.
Diana pulled her shawl around her shoulders as she stepped outside. Her heart was racing. She knew that she should not be outside alone, but her room had felt oppressive as she lay in bed trying to sleep. Any kind of peace had evaded her, though, and she had stolen outside, as quietly as she could, to try to calm herself down.
Even as she walked, though, thoughts of Tristan continued to haunt her. She could not understand why he had spoken to her the way he had. She had done nothing wrong, after all. She had listened to Grace’s wishes and tried to be nicer to Tristan. She had tried to cast her doubts about him aside, and she had given them space to spend time together, which was what she’d thought they both wanted. She had put her own feelings aside, and tried to trust her sister’s judgement when it came to the earl, even though she remained concerned about his character and his intentions.
But even that was not enough for Tristan. None of it had been enough for him. She had felt attacked by him as they had stood together in the garden earlier that day, and yet, all she really wanted was to understand his behavior. She told herself that all she wanted to know was the truth of his intentions towards her sister. But she knew in the depths of her heart that there wasmore to it than that, even though she did not want to admit it to herself.
She let out a sigh as she continued along the path towards the maze. She had come outside to try to clear her head, and her mind still spiraled around, with Tristan dominating every thought. She would have to find a way to get some sleep, she thought. And tomorrow she would speak to Grace and try to find out how things stood between her and the earl. If they really were to be married, then Diana would have to find a way to deal with the turmoil of her own feelings. Perhaps she would have to go away, she thought. Maybe now was the time to realize all those dreams of travel that she had harbored in her heart for so long. It would be difficult to travel on her own as a woman, but perhaps it was time, now, to try to break free. Because she felt sure that she could not spend much longer in Tristan’s company. They seemed to drive each other to distraction, no matter what happened, and she knew that things could not carry on as they were.
She found herself drawn towards the maze, the place where she and Tristan had shared those forbidden moments during the treasure hunt. She knew, as she came closer to the tall hedgerows, that being here would not help at all. It would only make things worse. But she could not help herself. Just as she turned the corner, though, she came to an abrupt halt. Standing just outside the entrance to the maze, his silhouette illuminated by the moonlight, was Tristan. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, his brow furrowed. The tension in his posture mirrored her own. Perhaps he was just as distressed as she was? She wondered what it could mean.
“Tristan,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she noticed him. “I did not expect to see you here.”
He turned to face her. “Nor I you,” he replied. “I was having trouble sleeping.” He glanced up at the hedges of the maze. “I used to play here as a child,” he went on. “I thought that perhaps being here would bring me peace, but alas, it has not worked.”
“You are troubled, My Lord?” Diana ventured.
“I cannot escape from the weight of my thoughts,” he said, the words falling heavily from his mouth.
Diana stared at him, unsure what to say. She felt a sense of pity for him, as he was clearly distressed, but when she remembered the way he had spoken to her when they last met, the anger began to bubble within her again. She bit her lip, though, trying to decide what to do. She should go back inside, she knew. It was not at all proper to be out here alone with him. If someone saw them, they would never be able to explain themselves and how they came to be out here alone together in the dark. And yet, something stopped her from walking away. It was as if he held some kind of magnetic power over her that prevented her from leaving, even when she knew that she should.
“You could not sleep either?” he ventured, his voice sounding far away in the darkness.
“I, too, have been having trouble with lingering thoughts,” she admitted, stepping closer. “I cannot seem to shake our earlier conversation.” She knew there was a risk in mentioning it, butshe could not hold back. There was so much unsaid between them, and she could not let it go, no matter how hard she tried.
Tristan glanced at her and she felt a tightening in her chest as she saw the look in his eyes.
“I—” he began, but she interrupted him.
