“You may as well,” Lavinia said. Today would be the last day she would have to put up with the way her father treated her, and she knew that it was something she could tolerate for one more day. Then she would move on.
In many ways, it made her want to see her father more than she would have under other circumstances. If this was to be her last day in his household, she wanted to use it to make amends with him. She knew she’d been a struggle for him as a daughter, just as she had struggled having him as a father, and—before they went their separate ways—it would be a good thing if they could make peace with one another.
Edwina went to the door and opened it. “Father,” she said. “We’re nearly ready here.”
“The carriage is waiting to take us to the church,” their father said. “Why don’t you go on down, Edwina?”
“I want to stay with Lavinia,” Edwina said rather stubbornly.
“I need a moment to speak to her,” their father said. “Run along, now, and we’ll be with you in a moment.”
Edwina looked at Lavinia as if asking her permission.
Lavinia nodded. “I’ll be down in a moment,” she assured her sister.
“Very well,” Edwina said. “I’ll go and find Matthew.” She left the room and headed down the hall, presumably to meet them at the carriage.
Lavinia watched her go for a moment. Then she turned to face her father.
“I’m proud of you,” her father said quietly.
“You’re proud ofme?” That was difficult to believe.
“I am,” her father said. “I know how difficult this had all been for you, Lavinia. And I know that I’ve been demanding of you at times. I’ve made it harder than it needed to be sometimes. I’ve made you feel as if there was something wrong with you because you didn’t have your affairs sorted out.”
Lavinia was silent. She wasn’t going to try to talk her father out of that perception. He was right. He had done those things. Shehad never felt at ease around him. She’d never felt as though she had his approval, or even as though she was capable of earning it.
Even now—if he looked on her with approving eyes, that was only because Lavinia was about to do what he had longed all her life to see her do. She was about to marry. Of course he would regard that well.
Her father seemed to be waiting for a response, and after a moment, perhaps he understood that none was coming. He took a breath.
“You’ll leave this house today, Lavinia, and go off to begin a life of your own. You’ll be a duchess. A wife. Someday, a mother. You’ll be my daughter, but that will no longer be the most important thing you are. And I wanted to make sure you knew, before you go, that I do care for you. You do meansomethingto me.”
I meansomethingto him.It would almost have been better if he hadn’t said anything at all. It was as if he was trying to reassure her that she wasn’t completely meaningless, but by saying so, he had admitted that it was a possibility.
But Lavinia steeled herself against his words.
She didn’t need his approval. She had never really needed it, and now that she had found happiness with Seth, she needed it even less. Now she truly knew who she was and knew her worth, and there was no need for her father to give his opinion.
She smiled at him.He needs my approval more than I need his, she realized.He needs to feel sure that I’m not leaving this house with any resentment or dislike for him in my heart.
And she wasn’t. She would be able to look back on her upbringing and feel—not gratitude, exactly—but certainly an appreciation for the fact that it could have been much worse. Her father had given her a good upbringing. In spite of all the pressure he had placed upon her, she had found a way to be happy. She couldn’t be angry with him now, and she didn’t want to end their time together on a sour note any more than he did.
“You mean something to me too, Father,” she assured him. “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me, truly. I know you’ll do just as well for Edwina now that it’s her turn to find a match.”
“Edwina will have an easier time than you did, I daresay.”
“I’m sure she will.” If that was supposed to be a hurtful remark, it wasn’t going to work. Lavinia wasn’t going to allow it to get to her. “We should go, Father—the carriage is waiting.”
They went down the stairs and joined Edwina and Matthew for the ride to the church. Lavinia didn’t speak much during the ride, nor was she expected to, thankfully. Edwina did all the talking, allowing Lavinia to sit back in her seat and ponder her thoughts. Once or twice, she did make eye contact with Matthew, and her brother smiled at her.
Lavinia could sense his pride in her. They had spoken only once about the kiss he had witnessed in the garden, and Matthewno longer passed any sort of judgment against that event now that he understood it had been based on a love so powerful that neither of them had been able to resist it.
He still didn’t quite understand how she felt, Lavinia thought. He didn’t know what it was like to love someone so much that you couldn’t control your actions—that the only thing that mattered was being with that person. She hoped her brother would find love like that one day, but for now, it would have to wait.
They arrived at the church, and Lavinia felt as if everything that happened was part of a wonderful dream.
As her father walked her down the aisle, she was aware of how picturesque the moment was—how everyone around her saw the beauty of a young lady in a stunning gown being escorted by her loving father. No one saw the turmoil that hid below the surface in her family, and that was for the best. No one needed to. Seth knew all about it and loved her anyway.
