“You don’t think your feelings for her are real?”
“I think it’s like you said. I think she’s beautiful, and she stands out to me because she’s so different from all the other ladies of theton. Of course she caught my eye. It would be odd if she hadn’t. I’m surprised more gentlemen haven’t noticed her,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean we ought to pursue courtship, much less marriage.”
“Feelings like this are the reason people marry, Seth.”
“People are fools, Allan. Look at my parents. Look at yours.” He backed away from the balcony railing. “You know, I’m glad you came and found me,” he said. “I think I needed to hear these things. You’ve done me a great service—helped me to remember what’s important to me in life.”
“I wish you would consider what was best for you.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing. It’s just that you and I disagree on what’s best,” Seth said. “In fact, if I thought I could persuade you to run from marriage, I would be doing exactly that.
“The idea of you tying yourself to some lady for the rest of your life, shackling yourself to unhappiness the way our parents did…I can’t believe it’s something you’re willing to accept for yourself. All I know is that I would never put myself in that position. I know that I never will, no matter how many beautiful ladies I meet.”
“I’m sure you’re in love with her,” Allan said sadly. “I wish there was something I could do to make you see it—to change your mind.”
“You can’t,” Seth said firmly. “I understand you’re trying to help me, but this is of no help to me. You’ve done all you can, I promise you—I won’t be talked into this. There is no chance I would ever choose marriage for myself, not after having seen all the ways it can go wrong. The risk is too great.”
“The reward can be great, too.” Allan said. “I wish I could make you see that. But I see that you’re determined. Very well. I’ll abandon the subject. I can tell that’s what you want.”
“It is,” Seth said, grateful that this would be an end to it.
CHAPTER 26
“You look lovely tonight, Lady Lavinia,” said Lord Hennington.
Lavinia looked up at him with a smile. “Thank you, my lord.”
She had dressed in one of the new gowns the duke had bought for her. She had agonized over whether or not to wear the gown, after what had happened between the two of them in the library—he would see her in it and know that she had thought of him while preparing for tonight’s ball. Lavinia didn’t want him to know that. She would have preferred him to see her and be forced to wonder whether she was thinking about him at all. She wanted to pretend that she had all but forgotten his existence.
It had been Edwina who had changed her mind, in the end. “If you refuse to wear the best gown you have, you’re going to show him that you’re thinking about him just as surely as if you did wear it,” she’d said. “I think the best thing you can do is wear thegown and ignore your worries about what he might think. Show him that his opinion doesn’t matter to you.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” Lavinia had agreed. “After all, if he sees me in another gown, I’m sure his first thought will be that I was too timid to wear this one.”
“And this onedoeslook better on you,” Edwina said. “What does it matter what he thinks? You should wear what looks best, and what makes you feel best.”
“You’re right,” Lavinia said with a smile. “Thank you, Edwina. You always help me to see things clearly.”
So now, thanks to her sister’s advice, Lavinia was walking into the ballroom in the blue gown the duke had purchased for her—and she was doing it on the arm of Lord Hennington.
The duke didn’t like Lord Hennington. At least, Lavinia didn’t think he did. He never seemed to have anything positive to say about him, and he had spent rather a long time trying to convince Lavinia that she felt nothing for him—that her lack of nervousness in Lord Hennington’s company meant something significant.
The trouble was that Lavinia couldn’t help feeling, now, that perhaps the duke was right. Perhaps that feeling—or lack of feeling—wassomething she ought to be paying attention to.
She looked up at Lord Hennington. She had never really taken a look at him before, she now realized. He was handsome enough—certainly there was nothing objectionable about his appearance. He had thick blonde hair with a bit of a wave in it and bright blue eyes that seemed to express warmth and pleasure at her company. The way he looked at her made her feel as if she mattered to him.
It should have made her feel good, but it didn’t. It made her feel guilty. He cared about her, and she felt next to nothing in return.
Perhaps her feelings would grow if she gave him a chance. Everyone told her that love was something that could develop if given time. Matthew was forever saying that she ought to just get married and allow the love to come as it would. That wasn’t a risk Lavinia was willing to take—not knowing if love would ever manifest. But there could be a middle ground.
The fact that she didn’t feel anything for Lord Hennington on the second day of knowing him didn’t mean that she never would. She could give it a little more time.
“Would you do me the honor of a dance?” Lord Hennington asked her. “I confess I’ve been looking forward to tonight for days now—ever since we had our picnic. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since then, Lady Lavinia.”
“I’ve thought about you too,” Lavinia said, though it made her feel uncomfortable to say it. She knew that she hadn’t thought about him in the same way he had thought about her. She hadanalyzed their interactions, but she hadn’t daydreamed about having more. She hadn’t felt interested in him. Not like that.
Still, what was wrong with a dance? One dance couldn’t do any harm.
She allowed him to take her hand and lead her out onto the dance floor, and as the musicians began to play, they fell into the familiar steps of a dance.
