Edwina felt the urge to retort that shehad, in fact, experienced what she believed to be love. But how could she say that? How could she let the Duke know that she had discovered feelings for him? She would be humiliated.
“I don’t believe you’ve been in love yourself, Your Grace,” she said. “Am I wrong?”
She held her breath, a part of her hoping that he might disagree and declare himself, as preposterous as the idea sounded.
It didn’t happen. “Of course, I haven’t known love,” he told her. “But unlike you, I don’t seek a love match. I will be happy to marry for practical reasons—for social advancement and the benefit of my family—a thing I would have thought you might do yourself, Lady Edwina—but it’s as I said, Ladies do have their preoccupation with fairy tales.”
Edwina rose from the table. “Excuse me, please,” she said to her sister and brother. “I believe I’ve eaten my fill for this evening.”
She retreated from the room quickly, unable to bear the thought of another moment in the presence of the Duke. He thought heknew her so well! But he understood nothing about her. Nothing at all.
CHAPTER 25
For the first few hours after dinner, Allan felt nothing but self-satisfaction. He had done the right thing, and he knew it, pointing out to Lady Edwina how foolish she was being. How naive it was of her to expect a love match, when such things were so rare. She ought to have been grateful for his attention!
But then, a voice in the back of his mind reminded him, she had never truly had his attention, had she? He had never intended to take things seriously. He had never meant to offer her a proposal or anything like one. And he had made that abundantly clear to her. Could he really be angry with her now when she failed to show him appreciation? What was she supposed to appreciate him for? He’d done nothing for her.
By the time the majority of the party guests had retired, Allan no longer felt as though he had done the right thing. He felt guilty and ashamed instead. All she had done was tell him that she didn’t want to see him anymore. He had intended to respect that, but he had failed at the first test.
He owed her an apology.
But how was he going to give her that? After the way she had walked out on dinner, it couldn’t be any more apparent that she wanted nothing to do with him. And he couldn’t even blame her for that, given the way he had antagonized her. He wouldn’t have wanted to speak to himself again either had he been in her shoes.
Still, he knew that he had to try. He woke early the following morning after a fitful night of sleep and went down to breakfast, hoping that he might encounter her there before too many others joined them.
She wasn’t there, but the Duchess of Loxburgh was, and perhaps the correct way to make amends was by beginning with the sister. Allan approached her. “Good morning, Your Grace.”
“Good morning, Your Grace,” Lavinia returned, smiling at him. It was something of a game between the two of them to refer to one another so formally. They were as close as family to one another—Seth was like a brother to Allan.
“I wonder—have you seen your sister this morning?” Allan asked.
The smile faded from Lavinia’s face. “I haven’t,” she said. “She went to her room in the middle of dinner last night—as I believe you observed—and she hasn’t come out since.”
“I’m afraid I might have said something to upset her.” Had Lavinia overheard their conversation last night?
“She does seem rather easily upset lately,” Lavinia said. “And I know that something happened between the two of you, Allan—something to make her wish to end her association with you. I certainly hope it was nothing untoward.”
So, she hadn’t been told about the kiss. Allan certainly wasn’t going to confess to it. “I assure you, it was nothing of the sort,” he replied. “I think she didn’t care for me very much—she knew I wasn’t looking for marriage, and so she saw me as a waste of her time.”
“My sister isn’t looking for marriage either—or so she says,” Lavinia argued. “I find it hard to believe that the fact you do not wish to marry would be troubling to her.”
“Well, I don’t know what else the problem could have been,” Allan said. “All I know is that she decided she didn’t want to see me anymore, and I wanted to respect her wishes, so I pulled away from her.”
“I see.”
“But I fear I upset her at dinner last night. We exchanged words, you see, and I’m afraid she may have felt uneasy with what I had to say to her. I may have been rude. I would like to apologize to her, but I’m not sure she’ll be willing to hear it.”
“Perhaps she shouldn’t hear it,” Lavinia said rather fiercely. “I’ve been your strongest ally when it comes to my sister, but if you’re going to hurt her and be unkind to her, you lose my loyalty. Perhaps my brother was right about you from the very start. Perhaps we should never have allowed you to associate with Edwina in the first place.”
“Truly, what happened last night was a case of poor judgment on my part,” Allan explained. “That’s the reason I so strongly wish to apologize for it. But do you think there’s any chance you can convince Lady Edwina to hear my apology? I know that if she’ll listen to anyone in the world, it’s you, Your Grace. But I also know how stubborn she is. Perhaps even you won’t be able to persuade her—but I hope you’ll try. That’s all I can ask.”
“I can speak to her,” Lavinia decided. “But I must tell you that I don’t feel sure I’m doing the right thing. I’m beginning to think the best choice would be to protect my sister from the likes of you.”
“Your sister is more than capable of protecting herself,” Allan pointed out. “She had no trouble getting rid of me when she was finished with me. She had no trouble leaving the dinner table last night when she tired of my company. I only want her to hear me out, Lavinia. And I’m not going to try to convince her of anything beyond my regret for the way I acted.”
“What did you say to her, anyway?” Lavinia asked. “What could you have said that’s moved you to such regret? It isn’t like you, is it, to respond this way?”
“No, I suppose it’s not,” Allan agreed. “But this is the way I feel. It takes me by surprise just as much as it does you, Lavinia. Last night I was sure I had done the right thing in speaking to her the way I did. It’s only now that I see what a mistake I made—and I regret it deeply.”
