Emma gathered herself. It was as though she fell apart every time she spoke, and had to piece herself together.
“I know that you must think of me as a terrible mother,” she lamented. “What sort of mother leaves a baby who a few months short of a year old on someone’s doorstep? But you have to understand that I only did it because there was no other option for me.”
Harriet could hear the pain in her voice — she was a wounded mother, not a bad one. Despite Emma being nothing more thana stranger, Harriet found her heart softening towards her and she reached out to touch her shoulder softly.
“You do not need to speak about yourself with such shame,” Harriet’s tone was calming. “The duke and I are only trying to understand what your reasoning was.”
Emma’s eyes widened with surprise. Perhaps she had not expected the duchess to react in this manner. Slowly, she gathered up the courage to speak again.
“I met the father of my child more than a year and a half ago at a ball in London,” she admitted, “Within days, we had grown fond of each other. He pursued me heavily, and I fell for his charms.”
Harriet noticed Simon’s expression shift from across the room, and she felt a similar knot forming at the base of her stomach.
Emma turned to face the duke. “It was a special bond for me. However, I should have perhaps known better. Your Grace, your brother managed to win my heart with ease.”
“You are certain that the father is my brother, my lady?”
Harriet knew that the question was rhetorical at best. A formality, if you will. There was little doubt about the baby belonging to Tobias. She had inherited the Atherton genes quite ostensibly.
Emma pressed her lips together. “Your Grace, I only have my word to give you.”
“We believe you,” Harriet rushed to her recuse immediately Even though she had only just met this woman, she felt a strange kind of camaraderie towards her.
Perhaps it was her own brush with unrequited love that made her sympathize with Emma so.
Emma took a deep breath, her gaze shifting between Simon and Harriet as she continued. “I know that you must have heard rumors about me — ones that question my character, and attach my name to men with whom I have no association. But I am not a rakess. My biggest sin has been to fall in love with Lord Tobias.”
Simon’s expression tightened once again at the mention of his brother, but he remained silent, allowing Emma to speak.
“I fell in love with him,” Emma repeated, her voice trembling slightly. “I thought he felt the same way. But one day, he simply… disappeared. He stopped visiting, stopped writing. It was as if I no longer existed to him.”
Harriet knew better than to interject. Emma deserved to tell her story without interruption.
“In the wake of his abandonment, I tended to the wounds inflicted to my heart in private. I did not badmouth him, nor didI seek to soil his reputation even more. I thought that our story had ended, but….”
“Go on, please,” Harriet found herself gripped by the narrative.
“A few months after our last meeting, I found out that I was with child,” Emma’s hand instinctively draped around her belly even though there was no longer a child there. “Once my family found out, they forcefully sent me to the countryside to protect my reputation. No one could find out about my secret — I was to disappear from the public eye until I had my baby.”
Harriet nodded, recalling how much of a story it had been when Emma had suddenly disappeared overnight. She felt a rising disgust inside of her, knowing how cruel the ton had been to her without knowing anything of the truth.
“To keep it a secret, I was completely alone in the countryside, save for one of my trusted maids. It was the two of us alone in a large estate,” Emma explained. “Then, I gave birth to Catherine. She was born on the first day of summer.”
A hint of a smile formed on Emma’s face as she recalled the memory, but it fell the very next moment.
“My parents tried to convince me to set her up for an adoption. They told me that it is no easy work, looking after a young one,” Emma steeled herself. “But I refused. I resisted every one of their attempts, shunned every one of their suggestions.”
Emma’s breathing was beginning to grow laborious again, and she looked to be on the verge of tears.
“I was naive, though. I thought I could handle it, that I could raise her on my own. But as the weeks passed, I realized how alone I was. My parents were ashamed of me, of the situation I had put us all in. Once again they pressured me to give Cathy away, to let them arrange a marriage for me. They said it was the only way I could salvage my future….”
Harriet felt anger flare inside of her. How unfair it was for someone to give up their child, to appease society. Only to meet a standard that was only there for show. To keep appearances.
“I refused again. I refused as much as I could,” Emma said, choked. “But there came a time when I could not fight them anymore. Their suggestions grew into threats — threats to disown me, and take Catherine away themselves. I had no choice… I had to protect her in the only way I could fathom.”
Emma bowed her head, and Harriet knew that she was crying from the little sniffles emanating from her. Simon and Harriet exchanged a worried look, but knew better than to intervene.
“In my moment of desperation,” Emma continued, “I left her on your doorstep. I had… I had hoped that…”
