“That’s the spirit,” Arthur said, helping her to her feet. He took her by the arm and led her out into the hall and toward his own room.
The two of them had kept very close to one another since the events of last night. Arthur hadn’t wanted to let her out of his sight, but more than that, he didn’t want to take his hands off of her. It was reassuring to be able to feel her and to know that,for the moment, she couldn’t be taken away from him. He knew perfectly well how close he had come to losing her forever. He couldn’t let that happen ever again.
The two of them sat in comfortable chairs on either side of a small table in Arthur’s bedchamber. She looked around as she sat down. “I still feel it’s something of a special treat to be allowed into this room at all,” she confessed.
“You were never barred from this room.”
“Maybe not, but I had no business in here,” Isabella said. “Think how strange it would have been, me coming in when you had made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me.”
Arthur sighed. “I owe you an explanation.”
“I know that you don’t want to owe me things,” she said. “I understand that about you.”
“It’s not that simple. Not anymore. Maybe it never was.” He rubbed a hand across his face. “I know it’s not very responsible of me to have this conversation right now while we’re both so tired and drained.”
“Maybe it’s the best time for it,” Isabella said gently. “We’ve been so cautious with one another. We’ve had our defenses up. I think you’ve hesitated to tell me things every bit as much as I’ve been hesitating with you.”
“Well, perhaps that’s true,” Arthur agreed.
“I know it is. Tell me the real reason you left,” she suggested. “Let’s start there. I know it isn’t just because you wanted to visit your other estate. You could have taken me with you for that.”
“No, you’re right,” he agreed. “The truth is that I was becoming unfocused. The more time I spend with you, the more difficult it’s been to keep my attention on the things that I’ve always held as most important in my life.”
“And what are those things?”
“You know that I lost my parents,” he said. “The truth is that they were murdered, both of them, right in front of me, and I’ve never been able to forget it.”
“Murdered right in front of you?” She gasped. “What do you mean?”
“Well, they were poisoned,” he explained. “I was at the dinner table with them when they drank from the poisoned cups. I watched them die. It happened instantly. And the investigation ruled beyond a doubt that it was poison though it was impossible to tell at the time who was responsible for what had happened. I’ve spent every moment of my life since then trying to discover who killed my parents. Trying to get my revenge and justice for what happened to them.”
“I see,” she murmured.
“It was never the case that I didn’t care for you, Isabella. I cared too much. Far too much. I couldn’t keep my attention on my mission of revenge because all I could think about was you. All I could think about was what you might be thinking of me, or when I might have the chance to steal another kiss…and when my thoughts did return to my mission, I was constantly afraid, Isabella. I never had any fear before, but with you in my life, it was nothing but worry. I didn’t know whether I might be putting you in danger by doing all this. I hadn’t thought it all the way through, but the truth is that I know now that I couldn’t bear it if I lost you too. I should have abandoned the whole affair on the day you and I were married.”
“But…it was your whole life,” Isabella protested. “You may think I don’t understand that, Arthur, but I do. I’ve seen how hard it is for you to face your past. You couldn’t even go into the attic for the longest time. You couldn’t be expected to change the way you looked at the world just because of the fact that you and I were married. That’s too much to ask.”
“Of course, it isn’t. I was your husband. Iamyour husband. You can’t honestly believe that it’s too much to ask that I should make choices that keep you safe.”
“You didn’t know that I would be in danger if you left,” Isabella said. She held up a hand “I know you were worried about it. I know you wondered if your quest for revenge might bring danger into my life. But you believed the safest thing you could do for me would be to keep me distant from it. Isn’t that right?”
“If I’m being honest,” Arthur replied, “I would have to confess that I knew the safest thing would be to abandon my quest altogether.”
“It’s all right,” Isabella assured. “I understand why you didn’t. If I thought someone had been responsible for my mother’s death, I don’t think I would ever be able to let go of my anger about that. I would spend the rest of my life trying to make it right.”
“But allowing harm to come to the lady I love will never make the past right,” Arthur said.
She looked up at him, and he felt her hands tremble slightly in his. “Did you say—love?”
“I should have confessed it from the moment I felt it rather than trying to run from it,” Arthur said. “I should have told you that I loved you as soon as I knew it was true, Isabella. I’m so sorry for the way I’ve handled all of this. I can only hope that you’ll be willing to forgive me in due time.”
She shook her head. “There isn’t anything to forgive, Arthur,” she said softly. “I’ve loved you for a very long time, but I never thought you could return my love.”
“It’s my own fault you felt that way. It’s my fault that you didn’t know.”
“We shouldn’t worry about who is to blame,” Isabella suggested. “We should worry about what we’re going to do moving forwardinstead. I still want us to have a proper marriage, Arthur. If you truly love me as you say you do?—”
“I do,” he said earnestly. “It crushed me when I thought I might have lost you.”
