“You’d hardly be the first lady whose husband has gone away on business,” Caroline soothed her. “I’m sure no one would judge you or think poorly of you.”
“Oh, they would,” Isabella countered. “You must know how cruel the gossip can be among members of the ton. They’d make up something that’s worse even than the truth, and the story would spread around. No, even if I didn’t feel like secluding myself—and I do—I wouldn’t be able to face anyone right now. It would be too embarrassing.”
“And what of your sister?” Caroline asked. “She could be sent for. I know that she is your dearest friend. She would never assume anything about you, and she certainly wouldn’t spread gossip, would she? She would listen to what you had to say about the circumstances, and she would be on your side no matter what the situation. Isn’t that so?”
“I suppose it is,” Isabella agreed.
“Then shall I send for her?”
“No.” Tears came to her eyes at the realization that she couldn’t even turn to her sister anymore. “I wouldn’t be able to face her, Caroline. The only thing Felicity wants is to know that I’m happy in my marriage—that I didn’t put myself in a bad situation for her sake. If she saw me like this, alone and unhappy, she would feel so guilty. I couldn’t let that happen. So now, my husband’s actions have driven a wedge between me and my sister as well. And yet, even now, I can’t regret marrying him—how could I?He’s going to provide for her future, and in spite of my own unhappiness, that’s the only thing I really want.”
“You’re a very good sister,” Caroline said gently. “I do wish I’d had a sister like you myself, Your Grace. My life might have been very different if I had.”
“What do you mean?” Isabella asked, momentarily distracted from her own heartache. “You’re treated well here, aren’t you?”
“Very well. And I couldn’t be any happier than I am to have my position here at Windhill Manor, so please don’t mistake me,” Caroline replied. “I’m very happy now. But you forget that I was only hired as your lady’s maid a short time ago. Before that, I worked as a scullery maid in a household where I wasn’t treated nearly as well as I am here. If I’d had family looking out for me, that might not have happened. I say your sister is very lucky to have you, and I hope you take pride in that fact. I hope you don’t feel ashamed because your life here doesn’t look the way you might have hoped it would.”
Isabella couldn’t help it. She felt herself begin to smile. “Caroline, I’m so lucky that I have you,” she said. “My life with the duke has been difficult, and it continues to be so. But he has given me many gifts, and one of those gifts is you. I’m so grateful for your presence in my life. You make things much easier for me here.”
“You needn’t worry, Your Grace,” Caroline assured. “I’ll be by your side, even when no one else is. When the duke is away andyou don’t feel as if you can trust in other company to be here, I will be here, and you will always have a friend.”
Isabella took Caroline’s hand and squeezed it briefly. “We are friends,” she agreed. “And I truly couldn’t ask for a better one. I only wish I understood my husband better. I wish I knew why he pulls away from me every time we start to get close. If I could understand that, I might be able to make my peace with it.”
“Well, I don’t know,” Caroline said. “But I do know that he has never been close with anyone in all the time I’ve known him. Admittedly, that hasn’t been a very long time, but I speak to the other members of his staff, and they all tell me the same thing. With the exception of his friend, Lord Henrough, he associates with almost no one. It would seem that you’ve married a gentleman who keeps to himself as a rule—who is afraid to allow anyone to get close to him. I don’t believe his distance has anything to do with you personally.”
“I’d like to believe that, but I don’t know,” Isabella said. “I’d like to think that he wants me to be close to him, and he simply can’t bring himself to let me in. But it’s growing harder to believe in that idea. Every time he pushes me away, I grow more and more convinced that he means it, and that he will never want me to be a true part of his life. He could have married anyone at all. It didn’t have to be me. I was just the person who was most convenient.” She sighed. “I didn’t know it until now, I suppose, but a part of me really wanted him to love me. But I can see now that it was a hopeless dream. The harder I try, the more he runs from me. It’s never going to be what I want it to be, so I might as well give up.”
CHAPTER 28
“You have got to stop this.”
Arthur looked up from his drink. He had been sitting at this table in the pub for the last four hours on the off chance that he might strike up a conversation with someone who could give him information about Lady Reeves. After all, if what he had learned was true, she was in the habit of having affairs with all sorts of gentlemen. She must be very well known. There must be plenty of gossip going around about her.Someonewas sure to know something.
So, it was frustrating in the extreme that the person standing before him now was none other than his friend Taylor. Taylor, who knew so much and yet refused to tell him what he wanted to know. Taylor, who could have pointed out Lady Reeves in a crowd and had decided not to do it. Taylor was no help at all, and that was maddening to Arthur.
“Why are you even here?” he asked his friend.
“I’m here to help you,” Taylor said. “Goodness knows you could do with some help.”
“Now, you want to help me?”
“Don’t be rude. I’ve helped you a great deal already, and you know it.”
“And yet you won’t direct me to the one person I need to see most of all.”
Taylor sighed and sat down opposite Arthur. “My position on this hasn’t changed,” he said. “You don’t know what you’re going to do. How can I send you off to confront this lady when you don’t know what will happen when you do?”
“I don’t care anymore,” Arthur replied. “I’m going to find a way to face her, Taylor. If there’s a chance that she knows something about my parents’ deaths, I have to do that. I have to know what happened. I’m not able to move on. I can’t live my life while this is unresolved. And for the first time in a very long time—maybe the first timeever—there’s a life I genuinely want to live! I want to be able to enjoy my marriage without thinking about revenge in every waking moment. I want to live happily with my wife without worrying that something dreadful could happen to her as well.”
Taylor’s expression softened. “Nothing is going to happen to her,” he said.
“We can’t know that. I didn’t think anything would happen to my parents until it did. You never know what might happen. And if there’s someone out there with my name on their mind, for whatever reason…I need to put a stop to it, that’s all. I need to find a way to close that chapter and move on to the next phase of my life. Until I can do that, I’ll give all my attention—all my energy—to solving this. And you can either help me with it or not.” He frowned. “How did you find me here, anyway? I didn’t tell anyone outside of my own household that I was coming, and they wouldn’t have told anyone else.”
“No, no one told me,” Taylor confirmed. “But they did tell me you weren’t at home for three days straight, and after that, I put the pieces together. There were only so many places you could have gone. You would have gone somewhere you could have your solitude. I’m not fool enough to imagine that you would spend your time in the company of others if you had any other choice. I know you far too well to believe something like that.”
“So, you guessed that I would be at my estate on this side of town, and then you tracked me to the pub?”
“No, I came to the pub for a drink,” Taylor said. “Finding you here was good luck, that’s all. And I don’t mind telling you that Lady Reeves is not in this pub, by the way.”
