Fear that she was beginning to want something he could never give her. She studied him now, eyes wide, lips bruised from the kiss they just shared, hands paused in front of him like he knew not whether to reach for her or stay as he was.
Oh, he is so handsome… What if there’s a chance that we could be…
She shook her head, not caring that he might think her mad. After what they’d just done, she deserved to have a few minutes of madness to herself.
You can’t do this… It’ll never be.
Her heart squeezed tight. She gasped, unable to hold back the pain. There was only one thing to do, although it pained her to do so. She closed her eyes and drew courage.
“We need to put an end to this courtship, Your Grace,” she said, steeling her voice as she spoke, so he did not hear her waver.
“What?” Benedict asked her, looking confused. “Why, Augusta?”
She folded her hands protectively in front of her, hating the way he said her name with so much familiarity. It did not help her decision to end things with him and it certainly did not help the thoughts in her head that warred against her as she spoke, convincing her that things would be better if she just gave in.
She shook her head, not saying a word. She did not know what to say.
Benedict’s eyes widened and he reached for her before thinking better of it and returning his hands to his side.
“I’m sorry I kissed you, Augusta- Lady Augusta,” he corrected when she visibly winced.
“I truly apologize for doing so. I got carried away. It will not happen again. We don’t have to end things now, the season isn’t over yet,” he said desperately.
Augusta hated that he apologized for the kiss, she didn’t want him to. She hated even more that he promised that it would never happen again. It showed that she had been right in assuming that things would never progress any further between them. The thought burned.
“Tell me what you wish for me to do so that we can go back to the way things were and I will do it, Lady Augusta.”
His eyes showed that he spoke truth and yet, things could never go back to the way they were, at least not for her.
“I cannot,” she said quietly, her heart breaking as she spoke.
“Why? Just tell me why,” he asked.
Augusta eyes snapped to him. She knew he would never let her go if he thought there was something he could do to fix things. There was only one way even though it would embarrass her.
“You have won,” she said suddenly, wishing she was anywhere else but there.
“What do you mean?” he asked her, clearly confused by her sudden outburst.
“You know why we are doing this, Your Grace. None of this is real. You have won. My mind is changed about men and marriage forever. That is what you set out to achieve, is it not?”
Benedict’s eyes widened. “I am glad that you’ve had a change of heart but none of this has to end now. We have until the end of the season before we say our goodbyes.”
His words stuck a cord. She did not want to wait to say her goodbyes. She didn’t want to have to say it at all. She smiled a humourless smile.
“I cannot wait until the end of the season to put an end to this farce, Your Grace. It is you who has changed my mind on men and marriage. You and no one else,” she said.
Benedict remained confused.
“I cannot continue this because I have fallen in love with you. Do you hear me, Your Grace? I am in love with you and this is no longer pretence for me. I cannot think of when it stopped being so but it has and I can’t help myself around you, especially not when you do things like this,” she finished, her chest heaving.
* * *
Benedict’s chest tightened at her declaration as shock ran through him. Although she softened towards him as their interaction continued, there was never a time when he suspected her of being in love with him.
Amidst the shock was excitement. She was such a wonderful person, he was in awe of her and happy that she loved him because he cared for her as well.
He frowned as the past hung over him like a dark cloud, dulling his excitement. The last time someone said this to him, his trust had been broken and it’s taken so long to get over that, especially since he was not one to so easily trust.
