“What were you doing with her. I certainly hope you do not wish to reconcile with her and have her back in your life,” his friend said, setting his paper aside.
Benedict looked at him like he was insulted by Matthew’s assumption. “You wound me with your lack of faith in my person, Baker. I have absolutely no intention of ever reconciling with the lady, nor will I ever be such a brute to Lady Augusta.
While Lady Juliet may come and go as she pleases without much care for propriety, it will not be with me she achieves such.”
“I do apologize if you found my words insulting, Harris. It does come from a place of concern however. The lady was quite hurtful with her actions the last time and the last thing I want is for you to place yourself in such a situation again.”
Benedict nodded. He knew his friend was only looking out for him but the last person anyone ever had to worry about when it came to him, was Lady Juliet.
“She tried to speak with me during the ball but I would have none of it. I do not understand how anyone could be so blinded by what they wish to see that they do not realize when they are not welcome,” he added angrily.
“What? I cannot believe she would so easily stand in front of you after what she has done. If she cared at all for you, she would run in the opposite direction whenever she saw you and would never show her face in front of you ever again,” Matthew said angrily.
“She loves no one but herself,” Benedict spat. “She always has. It was a silly of me to believe she truly wanted to marry me for me.”
He took another sip of his drink. Benedict and Juliet had always known each other from the earliest memory he could remember. They were childhood friends, brought together by the closeness of their homes and friendship between their fathers.
He had never cared for her in the way that she led all to believe that she cared for him. His father had been quite happy to see the budding friendship between them and had always wanted them to marry even though Benedict did not care for her and could never see her as anything other than friends.
Juliet had always been quite forward with her advances, her infatuation for him as obvious as the sun during the day. So many had seen this and constantly pointed out how much of a wonderful pair they would make, should they choose to marry.
Although he did not love her, he felt responsible for her and the feelings she claimed to have for him. His father’s constant approval of a marriage between them and her father’s desire to give her whatever it was she wanted, no matter the cost, had soon led to an engagement between them.
In the days that led up to their wedding, Benedict had reconciled himself to the fact that he would not have a love match. It was not in the habit of the ton to have a love match anyway, save for the few who were lucky enough to find that, or those whose arrangements led to love.
Yet, a day to wedding, he was blindsided. Despite her shortcomings, Benedict had never thought that she would abandon him the way that she did. Instead, she had embarrassed him and sought her own ruin by running away with another.
Being left on the aisle as he waited for his bride who never came been embarrassing enough, even more embarrassing however, was that it had been done by someone he’d known all of his life and by all indications, had been a friend.
She had needed not to chase after him if all she was going to do was abandon him when the time came. Benedict had managed to escape scandal, although as he began his shameful and confused walk out of the church, the eyes that remained on him and the whispers that filled his ears were forever burned into his memory.
For days, he dreamed of them, mocking, laughing and jeering at him as he walked out, assuming the worst and making up their own likely conclusion on the matter.
The letter that had upended his friendship and almost marriage continuously burned a hole into his pocket as he tried to understand why she had done it. She’d left no clue as to what she had been thinking and that had plagued him even more.
Had she felt like she was throwing it all away for a man she knew did not love her in the way that she needed to be loved? Had the man she ran away with treated her better than he ever could? Had he paid more attention to her needs?
He wished to see her so he could ask her these questions, however, as days turned into weeks, with not one note of apology to him or an explanation as to her actions, Benedict hardened his heart against her.
He was not so much of an ogre that she should’ve assumed he would never let her go or at least have tried to quell whatever fears she had for why she couldn’t simply stay with him.
She’d never shown up and her name had never been mentioned in front of him. Not to his face anyway, and certainly not by his family, until the day Letitia notified him that she would be attending the season’s ball.
Benedict was furious but even in the midst of that, there was something else he felt that stopped him from responding or giving her much thought after his sister’s comment. He did not much care anymore. Somewhere in his mind where she hurt him had begun to heal and the last thing he wanted, was to reopen old wounds with the one who made them.
“I think it is best that you focus on Lady Augusta. It is she you are courting after all. There is no need to allow those who have hurt you back into your life,” Matthew said with all seriousness.
Benedict laughed. “You are quite right, my friend. I have nothing to do with Lady Juliet as I told her during the ball. Whatever she chooses to do with herself is nothing of consequence to me as there is nothing that ties us together anymore.”
“Well done, Harris. I am glad I do not have to start a lecture on why it would be a terrible idea to think much of her.”
There was only one person in Benedict’s thoughts and it was the one person who shouldn’t be there. He had no idea how she’d managed to infiltrate every part of his mind until there was nothing left but her. Her laughter, her brown eyes that lit up when she had successfully taken down another rake, the confidence in her step whenever she walked, no matter the eyes that were fixed on her.
She was quite unlike Lady Juliet. She did not care to be seen and loved by everyone. Benedict sighed. He did not need Matthew’s blessings to focus his attention on Lady Augusta as it was all he could not think of her every single minute of every day.
“I have just thought of the most wonderful idea,” Matthew said, his eyes bright.
“I shudder to think of what it might be,” Benedict said jokingly, chuckling when his friend paid him no mind.
