As she gazed into his eyes, all she could see was love. Pure, unconditional love. Something she had never known before. Something she never believed was meant for her. And, yet this man had opened up his heart to her and welcomed her in, no questions asked. He saw what others couldn’t see and he fell in love with her. The real her.
Still gazing into his eyes, she knew she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t break his heart. She would rather break her own a million times more, than break his.
Her lips parted. She smiled. He smiled back.
This was the last chance for her to speak up, to say the truth, to break his heart.
I must tell him. I must…
Her mind raced. Her heart beat wildly, she feared it would jump right out of her chest.
He looked at her, patient. Waiting. He wasn’t pushing her. He never pushed her to do anything. His patience was endless, his compassion permanent. She opened up to him so easily, so willingly. Now she was forced to break his heart, destroy it into so many little pieces that it would be impossible to put it back together again.
“What I wanted to talk to you about…” she said under her breath, her mind racing with a million thoughts that tried to pull her apart, but finally, she made her choice. “Was this book. There’s a part I don’t understand, and I was hoping you could explain it to me.”
She offeredGulliver’s Travelsin her hands, fighting the trembling that threatened to overtake her entire body, like an earthquake that would destroy everything in its path. He seemed a little confused at first, but then smiled as if nothing had happened.
“Of course,” he assured her.
At that moment, she hated herself. She hated herself almost as much as she loved Edmund, but his heart would remain whole and unhurt for a little while longer, and that was all that mattered.
Chapter 21
Afew days had passed, allowing Edmund enough time to prepare the surprise he had in mind for the girls. It came to him one morning, as he was bent over his correspondence, so effortlessly ingenious that he knew he had to start arranging for it immediately.
He had never been good with his words, ever since he was a child. His brother had always been the one more in touch with his emotions, while Edmund had the tendency to keep them locked up inside, where they surfaced only in necessity. Edmund had always resembled his father; more solemn and serious even as a little child. There seemed to be a disconnection between his heart and his brain, an inability to say exactly how he was feeling.
However, that did not mean that he was devoid of emotions. On the contrary, he found it even more difficult to have emotions and at the same time, be unable to express them in a way everyone else did. Saying the words,I love youhad been as painful as shooting oneself in the foot. So, he never said them.
Finally, he realized that the only certain way to prove to someone how he felt about them was to show it through an act of love. His mother loved jewelry, so he would bring her something special from every one of his travels abroad. His brother was an avid chess player, so Edmund used to bring him uniquely carved figures and chess boards.
Strangely, he had never bought anything special for the girls. They always had their parents to gift them lavish presents. The uncle’s job was to be there occasionally, during yearly celebrations, and nothing more. He had never seen himself as anything more. However, now, his role in their life had increased greatly.
He didn’t even need to think long and hard about their perfect gift. He knew exactly what that act of love would entail when it came to the girls. It was all so wonderfully simple that he wondered how come he hadn’t thought of doing it before.
He rang for the butler, who appeared a minute later, his solemn face always assuring Edmund that whatever he needed done, would be done as quickly and efficiently as he wished it.
“You called, My Lord?” Hastings bowed respectfully.
“Ah, Hastings. How is the home coming along?” Edmund inquired, surprised at his own curiosity regarding the matter.
He could already imagine the look of joy on the girls’ sweet faces. Oddly, the thought filled him with cheer as well. He caught himself thinking about them often lately, arranging to spend more time with them as well as Rosalie, which was something he wasn’t prone to before. He would pass by their study room frequently, enjoying the sounds that came from within, even when he wouldn’t knock on the door. The mere sound was sometimes enough to put a smile on his face. All he needed to know was that they were there. Nothing else.
Life had indeed changed for the better. He could see it. He could feel it.
“I am pleased to announce that the carpenter finished it just now,” Hastings looked equally pleased to tell him this.
The servants had fallen in love with the girls the moment they arrived, and Edmund couldn’t have been more thankful for that. They all went beyond their duties to make them feel welcome and taken care of in every single moment.
“Splendid!” Edmund exclaimed, walking over to the window, and gazing through the glass. “I hope the girls like it.”
“With all due respect, My Lord,” Hastings urged, obviously hesitant because of this overstepping of boundaries that separated him from his employer, “I believe they will love it.”
“I appreciate that, Hastings,” Edmund smiled. The man had been working for his family ever since Edmund was a small boy, and he considered him part of the household, without which it simply wouldn’t be the same.
“Make sure that the carpenter is well rewarded for his hard work,” Edmund added.
“I shall do as you say immediately,” Hastings nodded.
