Miss. Blake found the request a little strange. She didn’t like this sudden secrecy. Her silent glance told him this much. But she bent down all the same.
Madeline hid her lips with the palm of her hand, as she spoke. Miss. Blake’s face was serious at first, then it broke into a smile once more.
“Why don’t you ask him that yourself?” Miss. Blake suggested aloud. “Ladies do not whisper when there is company around. On top of that, this is your uncle. One should never be afraid to ask a family member something.”
Edmund felt a strange pang of sorrow. His behavior had affected the girls more than he ever thought it would. He believed that the girls would be better off with a governess who knew exactly what young girls needed, unlike him. Not only did he have to return home and forget all about his dreams, but he also returned to not one, but two deaths in the family and his newfound role of a guardian. He was in no condition to make someone else feel better, when he did not know how to do that for himself.
Madeline looked down; her hands clasped together in front of her.
“Go on,” Miss. Blake urged.
Madeline walked over to Edmund. “Uncle, may we please take the puppies for a walk with us?”
Edmund smiled widely. “Of course, we can.”
Madeline’s facial expression changed immediately, and he knew that was the perfect moment for a hug, a hug that would signify a new beginning, their new and improved relationship. However, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not yet. Not until the girls themselves seemed ready for it.
About half an hour later, the small company, followed by happy whines and barks of two playful puppies, found themselves walking through the nearby woods, which was still on the property of Hudson Estate.
The girls were ecstatic. Every once in a while, they would turn around, just to make sure that Edmund was still with them, and they hadn’t just dreamed all of it. When they were happy at the sight of him, they’d turned their attention back to the puppies.
“You know, Miss. Blake,” Edmund suddenly started, making sure to walk on the path, which was surrounded by lush greenery and blossoming bushes and trees. “I don’t think I’ve seen the girls this carefree ever since -” But he couldn’t bring himself to finish.
Miss. Blake nodded with a look of compassion on her face. It was such a deep level of understanding that he wondered if she knew exactly what that felt like.
“It’s hard when one loses a parent,” she sighed, looking into the distance. “It’s a tragedy when one loses both.”
“You talk of it as if you know it,” Edmund dared say, but regretted it immediately. He hoped he hadn’t crossed the line. “I apologize, Miss. Blake. I did not mean to pry into your private life.”
“My Lord,” she suddenly turned to him. “Look at me. Do you think any part of my life has ever been private?”
He swallowed heavily. His own affliction was as obvious as hers was, but his was relatively recent. He could almost remember what it was like to be a man of flesh and blood, filled with hopes and dreams, able to rely on both hands equally. Her affliction, on the other hand, was one that lasted a whole lifetime. He couldn’t even begin to fathom the frailty of such existence.
“All my life, others have made decisions for me,” she continued, solemnly, as they walked on. “But they were never in my own favor.”
She seemed to shudder for a moment.
“Are you all right?” he asked, getting closer to her, and placing his open hand at the small of her lower back.
She didn’t seem to mind. “I apologize. My memories are never happy. A trip down memory lane always makes me shiver.”
“It is I who needs to apologize,” Edmund shook his head, his hand still where it was a moment ago. The closeness brought them comfort. “I was under the impression that your life at the orphanage was a… satisfactory one.” He paused due to the inability to find a suitable word.
“It was,” she nodded. “As satisfactory as a childhood at an orphanage can be.”
He glanced down. His hand drifted away from the soft indentation in her lower back. He didn’t wish to take advantage of the situation and make her feel uncomfortable.
“I do not wish you to think I am whining,” she smiled quickly, as if she was consciously trying to force herself to be happy, while in fact she wasn’t. Not completely.
A strange urge awoke in him. He wanted to change that. He wanted to make her happy and smile every single day for the rest of her life.
“I did not hear you whine,” he assured her. She smiled again, more broadly, showing a perfectly aligned row of teeth.
“Everyone has a reason to be unhappy,” she continued. “It’s simply a matter of choosing to focus on what is good in life, not what is bad.”
For someone so different than the rest of the world, she had an immense amount of patience and understanding, something which much of the world lacked. And yet, she seemed burdened by a secret, one that was pressing upon her heart and soul heavily. He wondered what that secret might be, but he had no intentions of asking such a bold and personal question.
“I agree,” he said. “I still struggle with seeing the good, especially when I can’t seem to do something that once came so easily to me.”
