“May I come in?” she asked.
“Of course, this is your house. You do not need my permission.”
She nodded as she entered. He noticed how she walked as though she were on a cloud, her delicate body almost floating. How much he wanted to hug her, to hold her… he shook his head, forcing out the unwanted thoughts.
“Yes, but this is your chamber,” she replied. She paused and swallowed, looking around the room as she took in the surroundings as though she’d not been here for many years. Perhaps she had not. “I am sorry. This is a peculiar situation and I am trying to make the best of it. I’m trying to find a way to work around this. It is hard.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed. “It is. I am sorry for all the upheaval I’ve caused in your life, and mine. There is a part of me that regrets ever returning to Oxfordshire. If I had stayed away none of this would have happened.”
She stood with her back against the wall across from him and chewed her bottom lip, her eyes on him. “I had those thoughts as well. But then, I cannot deny that there is a part of me, a bigger part, that is glad you are back. In any case, we cannot change what has come to pass. We can only do the best with the life we now have.”
There was something different about her. She was calmer, and more resigned to it all. And yet, he could not stop thinking that her kind words were hiding something with a deeper meaning.
“Do you hate me?” The words came out of his mouth before he even knew it. He’d not been able to let go of the thought, ever since the kiss. Now that the question had been asked, he could not bring himself to look at her, too afraid was he of the expression on her face. He closed his eyes for a moment and only opened them again when she spoke once more, her tone soft and gentle.
“I could never hate you. You were my best friend for a long time. I don’t know how I would’ve managed after my mother died, if not for you. You were the only one who understood me, truly. Despite everything that happened, that time we spent together will always be precious to me.”
He faced her again. “I am glad to hear you say this. I feel the same. I’ve had many regrets in my life, more than I can tell you.”
She shook her head and sighed. “As I said, the past no longer matters, all that matters is what we do from now on, and how we conduct ourselves. We were close once, perhaps now that we are man and wife—at least in name—we can find our friendship again. There is no reason we should be more miserable than necessary.”
“I agree. We will have to be seen together by the servants and the townsfolk. I would much rather they see us together without having to pretend that we enjoy each other’s company.”
“Indeed. I think we have both lost enough in our lives, let us not lose our goodwill toward one another. Perhaps after dinner tonight we could take the air? You have not walked the property since you returned. Papa has made changes to the gardens. I should like to show you.”
His heart beat faster at the prospect of seeing her and spending time with her. However, he had to remind himself that he could not allow her to know his true feelings. Just because she was acting cordial and willing to renew their friendship for the sake of both their futures didn’t mean she would react favorably to his feelings. Besides, he’d made a vow to keep her safe from harm, even if the source of the harm was none other than himself. Yes, Daniel would keep her safe from now on, forever. Even if it meant never being able to tell her his true feelings. Even if he was miserable forever, she would be safe.
And if that wasn’t love, to accept one’s own misery so the person you loved could be safe, then what was love anyhow?
* * *
Dinner turned out to be a rather awkward affair. The Duke sat at the head of the table while Penelope was seated across from him. While the mood between the two was lighter following their conversation, the same could not be said for the Duke. He was perfectly cordial and attentive to Penelope, but when it came to Daniel, it was clear he’d rather have seen him disappear into a large black hole beneath the dinner table.
No matter how hard Daniel tried, the man seemed unwilling to make peace with him. This was almost as painful to Daniel as Penelope’s earlier behavior, as the Duke had been like a father to him for many years. Determined to engage the Duke, he cleared his throat.
“Your Grace, Mr. Percival so kindly provided me with names for a potential steward. I have narrowed the list to two. I wondered if you might do me the kindness to go over the names and give me your opinion.”
The Duke looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Mr. Percival will return here shortly. I am sure he will be able to help you make a suitable choice.”
Penelope caught his eye and at once spoke up. “I thought he was not to return until the first week of next month. I am sure that is a very long time for Daniel to be without a steward when he has options.”
The Duke cleared his throat and dabbed the corners of his mouth. “Mr. Percival is returning next week. I have sent for him. Given the changes…” He looked from Penelope to Daniel and then back… “I need my steward here.”
“Very well.” Daniel paused, trying to brush off the Duke’s slight, “I look forward to his return.”
Silence fell over the table once more. The Duke froze Daniel out entirely from any conversation, no matter how hard he tried to participate. Penelope, on the other hand, did her very best to include him and attempted to draw the two into conversation. It did not happen. The Duke who had once been like family to him, all but pretended he was not there at all.
When the servants took away the dishes from the dessert course, Penelope turned to her father.
“Papa, would you like me to escort you to your chamber? I know you have been feeling rather unwell.”
The Duke smiled and placed a hand on hers. “My darling, you are so kind to your old father. I am sorry to have left you to fend for yourself so much recently. It must have been so boring. I am sorry I am not more entertaining. I know I used to be.”
She placed her own hand on top of his. “Do not fret, Papa. I promised Daniel to take him on a walk this evening before the sun set so that he might see the beautiful additions to the estate you have implemented. I am sure it will take up much of my evening.”
The Duke’s entire body stiffened at this news and he blinked rapidly. Daniel could already see the thoughts racing through the man’s head. When he spoke again, it was in a quiet voice, full of dejection. “I see. That is a shame. For me, I mean. I had hoped you might find time to read to me this evening. I so enjoy when you read to me. Your voice is so soothing.”
Penelope’s mouth opened then and she looked at Daniel.
