“Penelope,” he slid forward in his seat and fixed his gaze on her. “If you will allow me, I will ensure that your reputation is returned to its pristine state. You will be the honorable young lady you have always been. I promise you.”
“And how do you propose to do this? We both know that while we both carry fault in the matter, it is I who is blamed and made responsible while you are simply considered a bit of a cad. Which, as it must be said, many of the menfolk consider a badge of honor, not an insult.”
“I do not consider it honorable to be seen as one who is loose in the haft, as I do have morals. They were instilled into me by my mother and have never left me. I know right from wrong and I intend to make this right by you, Penelope. We both know the only way to repair your reputation is by making you an honest woman in the eyes of the law and society.”
She swallowed and sat back in her seat, suddenly worried about what he would say. Thus far, she’d not been able to discern just what his visit was for and now… suddenly she feared the purpose of his visit.
“Penelope, the only way to make this right is to marry. You and I must wed so your reputation may be saved and along with it your father’s health.”
Her mouth dropped open and her heart beat faster and faster. She found her hand curling into a fist as she dug her fingers into the satin pillow beside her.
“Marry? You cannot be serious, Lord Carlton. Surely you are jesting in rather a cruel manner. Please, do not take me for a fool. I’ve gone through enough these past few days.”
“Do you imagine that I have not? I have fretted and worried and questioned myself time and again. And yet, there is only one conclusion. We must marry so that your reputation can be restored. It is the only way and you know it.”
She swallowed and looked frantically around the room as though there would be an answer as to how she ought to react to such a proposal. Alas, all she found were the kind, yet wild eyes of Mrs. Swinson, who sat by the fire and looked at her with a bewildered expression on her face.
Penelope rose. “I cannot accept such a proposal, if it is indeed a proposal. You were to marry Bridget. You asked me to be matchmaker for the two of you.”
Daniel rose as well. “That was then. This is now. We must marry lest I be known as a rake and you as a Cyprian, for to have you thought of as a woman of easy virtue is unthinkable. I am not proposing a true union. I am proposing one that will allow us both to save face. We shan’t be in each other’s pocket, I would not expect such a thing from you, nor would I be looking for such a union. This is a mere practicality.”
They stood across from one another and she found it impossible to remove her gaze from his face. He sounded entirely sincere. She said nothing because a part of her knew he was right. Unless she married, and quickly, her reputation would precede her wherever she went. While she would have managed, even with her reputation in ruins, she knew her father would never. He could not look at her now, for seeing her devastated him so. He would not be able to handle the scandal she’d brought upon them.
“I do not know what to say. I had not expected this.”
“Of course you did not. I do not expect an answer right away. I will go into Banbury and arrange for a special license, so we can marry right away. With a special license we will not have to have the banns read and wait. I will return here tomorrow evening. If you wish to accept my proposal, we will get married in the morning. If you do not, I will tear up the license and leave you to your fate. The choice is yours. I will return at seven tonight for your answer.”
He turned toward Mrs. Swinson and bade her farewell before leaving the room. Penelope waited until he was gone and then sank onto the chaise, a sob escaping her as the pressure that had been building within her released. Within a moment, the housekeeper was at her side, a hand on hers as she comforted her. It did no good. Penelope was not in the mood to be comforted. She did not feel she deserved it.
What have I done? How have I allowed this to happen? I cannot deny it. Daniel is right. Marriage is the only answer. How can I marry him knowing it is done only out of duty? How can I be by his side every day for the rest of my life knowing he does not love me? Knowing that he is with me only because he made a drunken mistake?
She sobbed right into the warm arms of Mrs. Swinson. She cried for the children they once were who’d grown up to find themselves in this impossible situation. She cried for the damage done to her bond with her father. And she cried for herself, for the dream of the life she’d always wanted and that would now never come to pass.
Chapter 27
Daniel returned to his manor in haste and rushed up the steps. He was about to make his way into his study when Alistair called out from behind him.
“Daniel! Wait. Where have you been? What have you done? You hastened away so quickly I had not a chance to find out your intentions.”
Daniel turned to him, out of breath from having rushed back to the manor.
“I must go into Banbury and obtain a special license to marry.”
His friend’s mouth dropped open. “Marry? You wish to marry? But whom and…” He stopped and his face grew pale. “Daniel. No.” He placed his hands in front of his face. “You cannot be serious.”
“It is the only way to save her reputation, Alistair. Don’t you see? If I do not make an honest, respectable woman out of her, then she will forever be known as the trollop who kissed a lord at the Harvest Festival in the most unbecoming of fashions. We all know it will be she who will be blamed and not I. This is the only way I can correct my mistake and save her and her father.”
“Daniel, stop a moment and think. You know what they call marriage, yes? To become a tenant for life. For life! She will be your wife for the rest of your days on this earth. You don’t want that. Surely, there is another way.”
“Balderdash! You know there is not, as well as I do. And if placing my neck in the parson’s noose means keeping her father from succumbing to the shock of it all and her having her standing in society restored, I will do it gladly.”
He paused. Truly, he would want for nothing more than to be her husband. To be at her side and to live together. He would not even mind having children. In fact, he thought of those long, dark early days at Eton when he’d lay awake, the lit candle in his window, and think of her. He’d remember the promise he made her that he would return and marry her. These were true desires, true wishes. And yet, he knew that theirs could never be a union of love.
The way she spoke to me today made it clear she has no desire to be with me. I had the feeling she would not have minded if I went away and never returned at all. Even if she wanted to be with me, I know myself. I have known since I was a boy that my love for her is dangerous. More so for her than me. What am I to do? I must marry her to save her, but at the same time I will place her in danger if I remain close by.
“Daniel!” Alistair called out, irritation in his voice. He called and saw his friend glower at him. “You did not hear a word I said to you, did you?”
He shook his head, having to confess he’d been lost in his own thoughts.
