“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” He remembered the kiss, of course, but in fragments. He pictured her face before him, then he was already kissing her, and a blur followed.
“It depends. If it had taken place in Covent Garden outside one of the establishments for the assorted Cyprians and birds of paradise and their ilk, then no. Not at all shocking. Positively harmless, even. But in a public square, in a village of a dozen families where the most exciting thing to happen all year is the Harvest Festival? I dare say it will be talked about for many a year, in hushed whispers, no less.” He sighed and dropped onto the trough beside his friend, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I do not understand. I thought you had your eye on Miss Hughes.”
“I did. I do. I do not understand why I did what I did.” This, at least, was only half a lie. He knew of his feelings for her, he knew of the desire he carried within him for her. His desire to be near her. But he also knew that he’d been determined not to give in to any of it. So why then, had he strayed from his plan? He looked up at Alistair. “Do you suppose they will be terribly mad at me? Penelope and Bridget?”
Alistair laughed out loud now. “That is what you are worried about? That they might be mad? I venture to say they will be. Although if the shoe were on the other foot, I would be more worried about what their fathers might say. You think the Duke of Branigan will be happy to hear of his daughter kissing his former ward in so scandalous a manner? And Mr. Hughes? He may be drunk as a wheelbarrow now, but when he is sober once more, I am sure he will not be pleased, either.”
Daniel felt his heart beating faster and faster. He’d ruined it all, had he not? Certainly, his plan was now in pieces. He could not marry Bridget now; she’d never have him. Penelope would hate him, so would His Grace.
“I’ve made a right mull of it all, have I not?”
Alistair nodded. “You have, my friend. I don’t understand. I have seen you bosky more than once in London. You always handle your liquor well. You never lose your mind as you did today.”
Usually there is no Penelope nearby to muddle my thoughts and my feelings. Usually I am not forced to place a kiss on the one I do not love in front of the one I do.
He said none of this to Alistair, knowing his friend would never understand. In the back of his mind, memories formed as he closed his eyes. He recalled now the moment before he reached the finish line, the line he had to cross to win the kiss. He’d hesitated, not sure if he really wanted to win.
For one moment, he was determined to let Mr. Hughes claim the victory instead. In his inebriated mind, it seemed the better solution. Allow the other man to win and push away the upcoming courtship with Bridget for just a little longer.
But then the cheering started. Young Miss Hughes’ voice sounded out above everyone else, urging him on, and so did Penelope’s. He’d realized it was his duty to carry on, and to set in motion his plan for the future. He’d done just that. Forcing himself on, ignoring his doubts and the nausea that was ever building. When he’d broken through the red velvet ribbon, the crowd roared and his heart beat out of his chest as the assembled townspeople chanted for the kiss.
It was in that moment I was determined to kiss Bridget. I remember walking toward her, her bright, happy face sticking out in the crowd. But then, beside her was… Penny.
And in that moment, when he was standing before the two girls, he’d not been able to do anything other than turn to her. Suddenly, being so close to Penny, everything fell away and nothing mattered. He knew they could never be a couple. He knew a union between them would be dangerous for them both. He knew kissing her would ensure his future with Bridget wouldn’t come to pass. He knew it all, and yet none of it mattered.
All he wanted was to kiss her and so—he did.
Daniel opened his eyes and faced Alistair.
“What am I supposed to do now?”
His friend shrugged as he sat beside him.
“I wish I had an answer for you. Alas, I have nothing. The Duke will be incensed, and so will Penny. She did not look pleased when last I turned to look at her. Indeed, I dare say she will be the angriest of all, given the danger to her reputation. And Bridget… Mr. Hughes…” He winced. Then his tone changed and he winked. “I should think London will be a safer place for you than Oxfordshire.” He placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “Perhaps you ought to sell the estate, change your name, and move to the colonies.”
Daniel looked up and glared. This was not the time for jesting nor making light. And yet, he could not blame Alistair for trying, for what else was there to say? Nothing. Nothing at all. Daniel knew that there were no words of comfort for his actions. Nor words of advice. He’d ruined it all and, in the process, he’d managed to not only ruin his own future, but likely that of the only person he ever truly cared for. Penelope.
And how could he ever live with that guilt? How could he ever forgive himself? He looked up, a sudden realization descending upon him. Alistair, though he’d spoken in jest, was right. He had to leave. There was no remaining here. He could never undo what he did. The best for all would be that he leave. Leave the manor, leave Oxfordshire, and leave Penelope. Forever.
Chapter 22
Penelope stood in place, completely frozen, and watched as Alistair looked over his shoulder at her. He shook his head, his countenance seemingly changed from the jolly fellow to one highly unsettled by what occurred before him.
She wanted to move and run away but found her muscles unwilling to so much as twitch. All around her whispers grew ever louder. She could see the shock on the faces of those around her. Friends, neighbors, tenants, and fellow parishioners from the small village church—all of them stared at her. Their mouths were open, and their eyes wide.
What have I done? Why did I not push him away? Why did I give in to him? Why do I not have control over these feelings?
Suddenly anger overcame her. She ought not to blame herself, for she’d done nothing wrong. No. It was him. Daniel. He acted irrationally. His intention had been to kiss Bridget, to marry her. Had he not come and all but begged for her matchmaking services? Yes. Indeed, he had. So why? Why act in such a manner? It made no sense at all. Had he not just made it clear that she was a sister to him, and nothing more?
She balled her hands into fists and sneered in Daniel’s direction, even though he was already almost out of sight. Beside her, Bridget’s voice sounded out.
“How could you, Penelope! He was meant to kiss me! It was to be the start of our courtship. This was supposed to signal to the entire town that I am well on my way of becoming the wife of Daniel, Earl of Carlton. Now I am a mockery. I will be laughed at no matter where I go.”
Her friend’s lips trembled and her eyes filled with tears which soon spilled over and ran down her pretty, round face.
“I’m so sorry. I was so taken aback by his actions that I did not know what to do.”
“Horsefeathers! You wrapped your arms around him, clearly you knew how to do that! You could have walked away and pushed him off. You did the opposite! If you wanted him for yourself, why did you not tell me?”
