It reminded him of a time in his life long ago, when he had first experimented with the idea of love and realized that it was not an experiment that he wanted to make again. Marriage had been the same thing then that had broken his heart. He would not allow himself to risk such heartbreak again.
“You wanted to say something,” Lady Ridlington was prompting him on.
He looked up from the staircase, back toward her, finding his throat a little more tightly constricted than before.
“There is no need to avoid me, my Lady,” he said, keeping his voice just a whisper. “You are in my house as a guest, not as a prisoner. I would hate for you to make yourself a prisoner whilst you are here.”
She seemed to soften at his words.
“As you wish,” she said gently. “Now, may I trust that you will not refer to this topic again?”
“Which topic?” he asked, pretending innocence, watching as her eyes narrowed on him.
“You know very well which topic.”
He couldn’t resist flirting with her a little more.
“Was it discussing what happened in the sports room or the riddle about kissing at dinner?”
“Both!” she said, throwing up her arms and hurrying away from him across the landing. He laughed softly as she turned her back before climbing up the last two steps and crossing the landing toward his own chamber.
Once locked inside, he took off his own padding and began to prepare himself for his bath before readying for dinner. After calling for the valet to prepare the bath, he sat there for some time, just in the water, frequently splashing his face with the water droplets that were growing colder and colder as he thought of Lady Ridlington and what had happened in the sports room.
“I cannot have a woman in my life,” he whispered to himself as he splashed his face another time.
He could remember that old feeling clear enough now. Like daylight after a dark night, the warmth of seeing someone he cared for again, someone that could assuage all the sadness of a stressful day. It was a long time since he’d had that feeling.
“What a shame it had to end the way it did,” he sighed as he slipped back under the water, putting his face under the surface completely.
* * *
“You can barely stand still,” Hayward said, chuckling as Phoebe bobbed on her toes. She had been at his house for four days in total now and the quietness was beginning to get to her. “Are you really this excited to see my sister?”
“I am, truly I am,” Phoebe said, looking away from him and back toward the door in the entrance hall where they were standing. “It can be very quiet in your house, Your Grace, I long for some company.”
“Too quiet,” Hayward agreed with a sigh. “I cannot bear it.”
“Can’t you?” she asked, turning back to him.
“Well, whilst I am pleased you are not avoiding me anymore –”
“I thought we agreed not to talk about that?” Phoebe said with a whisper, glancing toward the butler nearby who was looking out of the window, waiting for their guests’ arrival.
“Yes, I remember,” he said chuckling. “Let’s just say I miss travelling, with all the excitement it offers.”
“You mentioned Egypt the other night?” She could remember clearly their conversation over their dance where he had talked with excitement about travelling to Cairo and to see the ancient pyramids.
“I am already planning the trip. I should be gone for a few months at least.”
“A few months?” she repeated in surprise, looking back at him.
“Yes, is that a problem?” he asked, raising a single eyebrow.
“No, no problem,” she said hurriedly before turning her gaze back to the door. The butler now opened the door, revealing a glimpse of a carriage pulling up outside.
There was something about the idea of not seeing Hayward of Hayward again for months that made Phoebe shift between her feet and rearrange the ribbon around her neck self-consciously.
Must he really be gone so long?
