“Morning, mi amor. Mami made these. Figured you might like something for breakfast before we leave for church.”
I check my phone. It’s nine-forty, and Mateo said church starts at ten, which is in twenty minutes. “Thank you. I didn’t realize I had slept in so late.”
Mateo shrugs and places the plate on the counter. “No worries, we’ve got plenty of time, seeing as it takes about four minutes to get to church.”
He grabs a muffin of his own and takes a bite.
We stand in silence, and I awkwardly eat my muffin, unsure of whatto say this morning, having felt like I used up all my feelings and words yesterday.
Mateo shoves the last bite in his mouth and chews in record time. “Ready to go?”
“Can I eat this in the truck?”
Mateo smiles. “Of course, and don’t worry about the crumbs. Nobody will notice.”
I walk out and Mateo holds open the door of his dad’s truck for me. He’s right: there’s a layer of dirt on the floor. My blueberry crumbs will blend right in.
Mateo hums along to the Christian station as he drives and I eat. When we pull into the parking lot, I take in the view. Pickup trucks with mud-stained wheels, old cars, and vehicles that have seen better days line the parking lot. There’s even a few ATVs, and one tractor in the lot.
I doubt I’d see a tractor at church in California.
We get out and I loop my arm through Mateo’s. Being next to him has me feeling warm inside, like I did at Momma T’s house and after my prayer.
But is it because I want my marriage to Mateo to be right, or is it because God says it’s right?
We sit at the end of the row his family is already occupying. Being nearest to the aisle means it’ll be easier to pay attention, but also make a clean escape if I need to. Who knows what’s going to trigger my next set of crazy emotions?
The service starts and I’m drawn into the speaker's words. Everything around me fades away as if I’m the only one here and what he says is for me.
Two lines of scripture stick out to me, and I pull open my phone to write them down.
"He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness forhis name’s sake."
"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."
It’s my answer. It’s what I prayed about. In two simple lines of scripture, I suddenly know that my prayer is answered, and that God heard me.
God knows me.
God loves me. Not because of what I can accomplish, but because I am His.
My worth is not determined by my job, my marriage, my parents, or anything. I am of great worth to God, no matter what.
Mateo’s arm wraps around me, and he hands me a handkerchief.
An honest-to-goodness handkerchief.
I dab at my eyes, mascara staining the white cloth, but I don’t even care.
I’ve never felt so light, so wonderful, so loved in my whole life, both by the man next to me and by God.
I’m ready.
I’m ready for what the future holds, because now, I know God is by my side.
Chapter 40
As You Wish
