Solid ground has never felt so amazing.
Of course, Mateo gets off like he’s a dirt bike model.
Are there such things as dirt bike models?
Doesn’t matter. The point is, it’s completely unfair and positively ridiculous how good he looks right now.
I struggle with the strap under my chin until it loosens, and I pull the helmet off. There is no saving my hair. It’s unbelievably tangled.
I will not be featured in the attractive-people-on-dirt-bikes magazine.
Mateo grabs my helmet and puts it on the dirt bike next to his before reaching for my hand. “Come on, I want to show you the view.”
We walk to the edge of the hill and Mateo moves to stand behind me. His arms wrap around my waist, and I lean against his chest.
Okay, I admit it. The view is beautiful. Before us is a view of Mateo’s farm, and further out, I can see the main street of the tiny town. Being up above the town and the farmlands puts everything into a differentperspective.
“I love spending time with your family.”
Mateo’s arms squeeze my waist lightly. “They’re pretty awesome. Spending time away from them helps me appreciate them more when I come back, their faults and all.” He chuckles and the rumbling in his chest reverberates through my back, bringing a peace and comfort I’m beginning to recognize as a common feeling when I’m in Mateo’s arms.
“I wish my family was like yours.”
Mateo’s arms loosen a fraction. “Amor, my family is your family now.”
I look up into Mateo’s brown eyes, trying to read the emotions behind them. “Mateo, we started our marriage as one of convenience.”
“It’s been very convenient for helping me fall in love with my wife.”
He said it. He said the four-letter word.
My mouth dries up while my heart races.
Mateo’s hand comes up, cupping my jaw, his thumb caressing my cheekbone as he stares into my eyes. “Holly, it’s not a secret that I have very real, very big feelings for you. You are mi vida, and mi amor. I’m not lying when I call you those things. This might be sudden for you, but I want you to know I’m all in. I want to make this work, but only if you do.”
Do I want to make this work?
My chest seizes, and I push away from him. “Mateo, we’ve been married for like a month.” I suck in air, trying to breathe through the constriction of my ribs.
Mateo nods and takes a small step toward me, his hands up as if I’m a skittish animal.
I guess I kind of am, considering the panic racing through me.
My palms are sweaty and my hands shake. “It’s too fast. Isn’t this too fast? It’s too soon to feel these big feelings for each other. It’s too soon to say I love you.”
I pull my hair back with one hand and fan my face with the other, suddenly overwhelmed by the heat.
Mateo’s hands settle on my shoulders, his touch bringing instant stillness to my shaking. “Holly.” His voice is tender, and as I look into his eyes, all I see is the love he just confessed. Him, loving me, in the middle of a panic attack about the fact he told me he loved me. It feels like too much.
I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes, focusing on his touch as his hands skim down my arms until he brings my hands up to his chest. One rests over his heart.
“Focus on the beat of my heart, the feel of the breeze on your skin, and on the smells around you. Block out everything else.”
I do as he says, cataloging the scent of pine that always accompanies Mateo, the sage from the surrounding brush on the hill, and the steady beat of his heart.
I focus on his breathing, and work to match my inhales and exhales to his.
“It’s scary to have deep feelings for someone, but it’s not the end of the world. It’s scary to have someone love you, but it’s not the end of everything. You do not have to reciprocate my love now or ever. But I will be here for you until you’re ready, or until you get sick of me and tell me to leave.”
