Cruz
The fire crackles a few feet from where I’m sitting on the couch. The scent of the fresh pine tree wafts toward me from where it’s wrapped in yards of twinkling lights by the front window. The gentle murmur of quiet conversations from other rooms in my parents' house lulls my heart into a sense of peace as I linger in the living room, holding a bundle of joy.
Coming home for Christmas is always fun, but this year it’s even more so because I get to cuddle my nephew, Westley. When I asked Mateo and Holly where they got the name from, they just looked at each other. I think I heard Mateo mumble, “As you wish.”
If they named my nephew after Westley from thePrincess Bride,I might die of happiness because that man is so romantic. Perfect example for my nephew of how to woo a woman.
You know, if you forget about the whole becoming a pirate, almost dying, and fighting people with swords thing.
Still perfect.
I gaze down at the baby boy sleeping on my chest. It’s the middle of theafternoon and Westley is perfectly asleep, his thumb in his mouth while his other hand grips a fistful of my hair.
I will not be relinquishing this baby anytime soon. I will not move from this position, ever.
I nuzzle his fuzzy baby head and breathe in the newborn baby smell as I kiss his forehead. This chunky three-month-old baby has my heart.
Man, I wish I could do this every day.
I’m known for being overly competitive and having huge goals—which I am, and I do—but not many people know the real desire of my heart.
It’s always been to be a wife and a mom.
So far, I’m zero for two on that front.
Granted, I’m only twenty. But I feel like my biological clock is ticking. There’s this yearning for babies and for motherhood that claws at my chest, daily. Maybe it’s from hearing the stories of my mom’s infertility, and her struggles to have kids. Either way, I want babies, and I want them bad.
Even though I’m the star of my university’s soccer team and I’m studying to go into business, my minor is in family relations. There’s always this concern in the back of my mind that I need to be ready to be a mom. I’m grateful for the university’s dieticians who help me make sure I’m eating enough, and managing my workouts so I can keep my reproductive system healthy.
I’ve prayed about this pressure for years, but the only answer I seem to get isprepare and wait.
I try not to get frustrated, but what am I supposed to do with all of these mothering desires and instincts building up inside me?
"Take it out on the soccer field," is what my coach would say.
If only that helped.
Mateo barges into the room from the kitchen, drawing my gaze away from his adorable son. Mateo’s elephant steps quickly quiet as he sees Westley asleep on me.
Good, he should know how finicky my nephew is if he gets woken uptoo soon.
Mateo smirks. “Westley sure looks comfortable cuddling his auntie.”
I put on my cocky grin. “It’s because I’m the baby whisperer.”
My sister-in-law, Holly, walks in behind Mateo. “Thanks for taking him,” Holly whispers. “It was nice to get away for a lunch date with Mateo. It’s been three months since we had a meal together by ourselves.”
I smile at Holly, who has instilled some level-headedness into Mateo, while he brings out her fun and crazy side. They balance each other out, and their love story is almost like one of my romantic comedy books, full of swoony moments and growing together before realizing they were in love.
Unbidden, the image of the men’s soccer team star forward pops into my head.
Nope, not thinking of that grumpy jerk of a man.
“You’re welcome. I can keep holding Westley if you want to go do something else. Like take a nap.”
Holly looks at the empty couch across from me with its stack of pillows and fuzzy blankets, the dark circles under her eyes more pronounced the longer I look at her. “I wish, but Ireallyneed to feed him. He’s not going to want to wake up, but Momma’s dying.”
My heart clenches at the thought of relinquishing this perfect little guy, but when Holly gently lifts him off my chest, I let him go. She cradles him in her arms as she coos, his eyelashes fluttering. Westley looks at Holly with a gummy smile, and my heart almost bursts from the adorableness.
