“And I was thinking that while I’m not living the life I thought I would and it’s not perfect, I have good beer in the fridge and food in my cabinets and a car with a full gas tank.”
“Baby,” he murmurs.
Gentle.
Kryptonite.
Dammit.
He runs his fingers along my jaw, dips roughened fingertips into my hair.
Undone, I keep talking, the words flowing faster, the truth slipping free. “And despite all of that, I feel like I’m constantly bleeding out. Like no matter how much gauze I pack into the wound in my belly, it’s still oozing. This job is all I ever wanted and yet it’s brought me more nightmares than I ever expected, and I don’t know how to live with that. I don’t know how to live with the fact that I finally have it all and somehow…it’s all empty.”
That sounds stupid.
Insane.
Fucked up.
But I can’t take the words back.
And I can’t help but feel?—
“You’re empty, baby?”
Even him saying that makes me want to cringe, to feel guilty and ungrateful.
To hide from the truth.
“I should be fine,” I say. “I’ll keep going to therapy and get over it and thank the lucky stars that I’m still alive to live this dream of mine.”
Should.Should.
Fingers sliding deeper into my hair, tilting my head back, forcing me to hold deep blue eyes.
I’m lost for a moment in the beauty of them—indigo and navy woven together with golden specks—and my guard slips further.
Hell, it’s long gone now.
So when he asks again, “You’re empty, baby?” I can’t hold back.
I just nod.
“Well,” he murmurs, hand shifting, drawing me against his chest, keeping me so close that his next words are hard to hear over the sound of his steady heartbeat. “Then we’ll see about fixing that.”
SIX
Damon
It takesa long time for her to fall asleep.
But the time for words and tears has passed, and I just hold her against me until her body relaxes against mine, until she slumps in my lap.
And then I lift her carefully in my arms, carry her up to her bedroom, and tuck her under the covers.
When she shifts uneasily, I brush my fingers lightly through her hair.
And when she settles again, I tuck the blankets tighter around her.
