I hear Officer Gonzalez quietly murmur, “Please, give us a minute.” There are footsteps. The door closes. I look up at him. We are the only two in the room now. He stands up and grabs the chair, setting it down again by the side of my bed. He sits down. Hangs his head low, presses his hands to his face. “Tyler,” he says, but his voice breaks. He lifts his head to look at me, but his warm brown eyes are full of sorrow. “I’m so sorry. I should have…I should have known.”
“W-what…what happened?” I finally spit out. The words tear my throat apart, but I can’t find the energy to reach for the water on the table. I feel so lifeless, so drained.
Officer Gonzalez shakes his head at the floor, his eyes closing for a brief second. He’s upset. His lower lip quivers as he looks at me again, but his eyes are crinkling at their corners. “Your brother. Jamie,” he says. “You are lucky to have him, because otherwise you might not be here right now. He called us. We got there just in time.” He interlocks his hands between his knees and goes quiet for a moment. Slowly, he takes a deep breath and glances back up. “Your father has been arrested, Tyler,” he states, and the weight of the world crashes down on me.
He knows. They all know. The secret I have been keeping for four years is now out there in the open. They know about Dad, about what he’s capable of. And he…he’s been arrested? It’s over. It’s really, really over.
“And I…” Officer Gonzalez says, but he is choking up. He reaches up and wipes away a tear with his thumb, then edges forward in his chair and locks his eyes on mine. “I absolutely promise you that he will never, ever hurt you again. I will personally guarantee it. You’re going to be okay now.”
“I am?” I whisper. It doesn’t feel like I’m going to be okay. It feels like everything around me is shattering. I expected it all to be over, but I didn’t expect to still be alive to witness it.
“You are,” Officer Gonzalez confirms with a steady nod. He holds out his hand to me, but he knows I can’t shake it, so he gently pats the bandage on my hand instead and gives me a tiny smile. It’s full of remorse and sadness, but also hope and reassurance, and I decide that I am going to believe him. I’m going to be okay. No one will ever hurt me again.
The door bursts open and the silence is disrupted when Mom flies into the room, her heels clicking against the floor, flanked by Officer Johnson, who is trying to reach for her elbow to pull her back. She stops dead in her tracks when she lays eyes on me. Horror floods her features and a sickening gasp escapes her lips. Her hands fly to her mouth, her jaw hangs open wide. I don’t even have to look at myself to know that I am in a bad state. The pain I am feeling already tells me that.
“What happened?!” Mom screams as she dives toward me, pushing past Officer Gonzalez. She is about to reach for my hand, but she stops herself when she sees just how badly beaten up I am, and she erupts into tears, shaking her head fast, her hand still over her mouth. She has just come from work. She’s still in her skirt and blouse, but strands of her hair have escaped from her clasp, falling around her face. I hate that she’s crying. I want her to stop, to tell her that it’s okay now, that it’s over. I’m safe now. She doesn’t need to cry.
“Ella,” Officer Gonzalez says as he rises from the chair, “can we do this outside?” He steps in between Mom and me, placing a firm hand on her shoulder. He lowers his voice and leans in closer to her, but I still hear him murmur, “Not in front of Tyler. Please.”
She is still crying as he leads her out of the room and into the hallway. Officer Johnson goes with them. Paul and Janice enter the room, closing the door behind them, their eyes never leaving me. There is silence again.
I close my eye, returning to the darkness. Are they telling Mom the truth? Are they about to break her heart? I don’t know if I can bear it. I am waiting, listening, staring into the dark. My heart is beating slow and heavy in my chest. My breathing is even slower.
And then I hear it: the explosion of Mom’s agonizing cries. Her distraught sobbing echoes all throughout the hallways, ringing in my ears, growing louder and louder, laced with the pain that I never wanted her to ever go through. She is screaming, a strangled cry that captures all of the air around me, suffocating both of us.
I never wanted to break her like this.
Mom bursts through the door of my room as she wails. Officer Gonzalez and Officer Johnson scramble in behind her, but I can’t look at them. Mom is the only thing I can focus on. Hot tears are streaming down her face and her hands are pressed to her chest, clutching her heart as though to catch all of its broken pieces. Her frantic, pained eyes meet mine, and I break inside too. It’s like four years’ worth of fear finally comes to a head and the relief is overwhelming, and so I burst into tears too.
“Mom,” I whisper. I want her to pull me into her arms, to hold me close against her and promise me that everything will be okay from now on. That she’ll be here to protect me. That Dad won’t hurt me ever again.
“Tyler,” she sobs, and she is shaking her head fast, likeNo, no, no, this can’t be real. She pushes her way to me, outstretching her arms, but Janice steps in front of her, holding out a hand.
“Mrs. Grayson, please, he’s in a lot of pain. Don’t touch hi—”
“Let her,” Officer Gonzalez orders, and I don’t hear what he says next, but all four of them leave the room—the police officers and the social workers. They’re gone, leaving only Mom and me.
Before the door has even clicked shut behind them, Mom drops to her knees on the floor by my bedside. Her lips are quivering as her mascara runs down her cheeks, her wide eyes swollen and red as she looks up at me. “I’m here, baby, I’m here now,” she cries, and she gently takes my hand in her own and buries her face into our interlocked hands, weeping against my skin. Her shoulders are heaving and her breathing is ragged, and I wish I could take her pain away the same way she wishes she could take away mine.
I squeeze my hand tightly around hers.
She’s here now.
60
Present Day
It’s Friday, five days later, and I still haven’t heard from Mom. I’ve been waiting for her to call, or at least send me a text, but she never does check in with me. Does she even know where I’m staying? Does she even know if I’m alright? I figure she’s still upset with me. It’s not like Mom to cut me off like this; she’s constantly checking in on me, making sure I’m okay, letting me know that she’s always there for me. On Sunday, I’ll make the first move. I’ll try to talk to her.
I didn’t hear from Eden for the first couple days either. She has every right to be furious at me, so I expected the silence. On Wednesday, I was surprised to see her name flash across my phone. It was a simple message: Was I okay? But even though I knew the answer, I couldn’t admit thatno, I’m not. I didn’t reply, and I haven’t replied to any of her other messages either. She invited me to meet her for coffee at the Refinery yesterday. Asked if I was staying at Dean’s. Warned me to stay away from Declan. Then, she asked if I even remember what happened between us last weekend. I still couldn’t reply to her.
Of courseI remember what happened. It’s been on my mind the entire week.She’sbeen on my mind. I wish things could have turnedout differently. It felt like everything was finally working out. I was going to fix everything; I was going to be with her and only her. But now it seems like I’ve lost all of that. I’m suddenly on a different path, and I don’t know where Eden fits in my life anymore.
“So you really weren’t kidding when you said there’d be no beer, huh?” I hear Jake mutter, and I tear my gaze away from the rain pummeling against the window to look at him. He’s sprawled out across the couch opposite me, his head resting on his propped-up arm. He isn’t talking to me, but rather to Tiffani.
She’s invited our friends over to hang out, but so far, it’s pretty damn awkward. Maybe it’s because only Jake and Dean have arrived. Meghan is grounded, Rachael hasn’t turned up, and Eden isn’t invited. It’s torrential rain outside too, which is only bringing the general mood down further. The skies are gray; the rain is endless.
“Why can’t we just hang out without getting wasted for once?” Tiffani says from beside me, and I can justsensethe dramatic eye roll. She’s sitting crossed-legged by my side, her head resting on my bicep, her hand on my thigh. She tosses the TV remote over to Jake, nearly hurling it straight off his damn head. “Find something good to watch.”
