“Do you remember the first day of summer?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she says. “Dad was annoying and the barbecue sucked and you rudely stormed into it.”
“Yeah, that.” I am picking at the rips in my jeans, trying to muster up the courage to keep on talking. It feels weird to me, discussing things like this. “I was super pissed off.”
“Why?”
“I was mad at Tiffani,” I admit. “I’d been thinking about getting involved in something for a while, and she found out that night. She said she won’t tell anyone as long as I stay with her until graduation. That’s why I was sucking up to her for a while at the start of the summer. You know, in American Apparel and stuff…” Oh, God, I’m still embarrassed about that. I wonder what Eden must have thought of me back then. Did she think I was a jerk? Does she still think that now? “As long as she’s happy and I don’t break up with her, she won’t tell, because that’s what she does, Eden. She likes to blackmail people into doing what shewants, so that she can look cool and stay on top of the rest of us. She told me she used to get bullied when she was younger, so I guess when she started at our school, after she moved here with her mom after the divorce, she wanted to make sure no one stepped over her. She wants to be better than everyone, cooler than all of them. Having me by her side helps to boost her ego. That’s why I’m stuck in this mess.” Saying it all out loud makes me realizejusthow messy it actually is, and I run my hand through my hair as I let out a groan. “I hate this.”
“Wow,” Eden says once I’m done. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m not breaking up with her,” I tell her as I glance back up from the floor. She is blinking at me, wide-eyed and completely invested in my words. I still don’t expect her to understand my situation with Tiffani fully, but I hope she understands it more than she did a minute ago. “Not yet, at least. I can’t risk it right now.”
Eden leans forward and rests her chin on her knees, staring across the silent bathroom at me from beneath her eyelashes. “Then what are we going to do?”
Is she talking about us? I hope that she is, because if she is searching for an answer to what is going on between us, then that means she is still interested in pursuing something. “I just don’t want to make anyone suspicious,” I say. I’m not really sure what answer to give her, because I have no idea either.
“Suspicious about what?”
“Us,” I clarify. We are really talking about this right now, the possibility ofus, whatever the hell that means. “We need to just act normal for now until we figure this out. That’s another reason I can’t break up with her. People would wonder why. So for now, she has to stay in the picture, because Tiffani is my normality.”
“But it’s wrong to do this to her,” Eden says under her breath, andthere she goes again, doing that cute thing where shecaresabout people. And not just me, but everyone else too. She is chewing anxiously on her lower lip.
“Eden,” I say. I tilt my head to one side as I analyze her. I could kiss her right now. I really could, but I’m trying my best not to ruin this moment. I’m being honest with her while she listens, and that’s important to me, but I also want to hearher. “Talk about something else. Talk about Portland.”
Eden lifts her head from on top of her knees and straightens up, crossing her legs instead as she furrows her eyebrows at me. “You want me to talk about Portland?”
“I want you to talk about yourself,” I say. I am calm and no longer thinking about meeting Declan. Instead, all I can focus on is Eden; all I can think about is her. Our eye contact never breaks. “Tell me something that no one else knows.”
Eden hesitates. She seems to think it through first before she speaks, but eventually she decides to open up to me like I have just opened up to her. “I love Portland,” she starts, and she glances away for a second as her mouth forms a sad, wistful smile. “It was an amazing city to grow up in. I had three really close friends. Amelia, Alyssa, and Holly.”
“Had?”
“Had,” she confirms. “When my parents got divorced I was thirteen, it hit me really hard. I used to cry myself to sleep, because my mom would be crying, and my dad wouldn’t be there, and I didn’t know how to make her feel better, and it just sucked. It really, really sucked.” She stops and glances down at her lap, intertwining her fingers. She takes a deep breath. “I started to eat a lot because I was so upset, and I put on a lot of weight during freshman year. Alyssa and Holly had a lot to say about it.”
Is she seriously telling me what I think she is telling me? I run my gaze over her body, which I have already studied so many times. I like the small dip in her back, the curve of her hips. There’s absolutely no way. “You’re not fat,” I state firmly. Who the hell are these girls?
“That’s because I run, Tyler,” she says with a small shrug. She’s not really looking at me now, but I can see a new sadness lurking in her eyes that I really, really don’t want to be there. Slowly, I press my hands to the cold floor and move myself closer to her. I sit in front of her, holding her gaze, resting my hands on her knees.
“Keep talking,” I say quietly. I want her to know that I’m here, that I’m listening.
She bites down on her lower lip again and presses a hand to her cheek. She doesn’t push my hands away from her knees. “They made me feel like shit,” she tells me, and I try not to show the anger that fills me. Eden doesn’t deserve to feel so sad over something that is complete bullshit. She’s stronger than that. She’s deserves better. “I had two of my supposed best friends calling me fat every day, so I started running. We don’t talk anymore, but they still bitch about me on the low. It’s just hard, because Amelia…Amelia’s still friends with them. She stuck by my side the whole time though.”
“Eden,” I say. I like the way her name sounds, and I want her to look at me. I have noticed a lot of details about her over the past few weeks, and there have been moments where she has rejected food, pushed away plates, and never once actually finished dinner. Now I think I know why. “That’s why you always say you’re never hungry, isn’t it?”
Eden’s eyes widen and she parts those plump lips of hers, taken aback. “You noticed that?”
“Only just now,” I admit, swallowing the lump in my throat as I drop my eyes to her bare legs. I can’t help but touch her, tracing a patternwith my fingers from her knees up to her thighs. I know my opinion probably doesn’t mean much to her, but I think she looks just perfect. “Just so you know, I completely disagree with those girls. I’m sorry for what they did.” I glance up at her from beneath my eyelashes, running my fingertips in soft circles over her smooth skin, and our eyes lock.
Eden is looking at me in a way I have never seen her look at me before. There is warmth in her eyes, and she exhales a small breath of relief, her body relaxing, her gaze never tearing away from mine. I can’t take it anymore. I need to kiss her, and I need to kiss her right now. Grabbing her thighs, I lean forward and crash my lips to hers.
I kiss her deeply, as though it’s the first time I am feeling her mouth against mine. She hooks her arms around my neck and leans back against the door, letting me hover over her body. Her lips curve into a smile against mine as I kiss her, and I don’t want to ever stop. I can’t get enough of this girl, and no matter how many times I have kissed her now, it’s always just as exhilarating as the last. Adrenaline is flooding through my veins. I run my hands from her thighs to her waist, and I am about to slide my hand under her shirt when I pause, slowing the kiss down and playing with the material of her shirt instead. I’m giving her the chance to say no, to push me away, but she locks her arms around my neck and pulls me hard against her. She takes control and I let her kiss me however she wants, as rough as she wants, as fast as she wants.
My hands slip under her shirt, feeling the warmth of her smooth skin under my fingertips, and I clasp her waist with one hand, my other exploring her body, my skin rubbing against the soft lace material of her bra. I slide my hand inside, gently grabbing her breast, and I tear my lips from her mouth and lean back for a second to meet her eyes. She is breathing hard, and her full lips are driving me insane. God, Icould kiss her all night. I lean back in and leave a row of kisses all the way along her jaw and down to her neck, and she tilts her head back against the door, running her hands into my hair and tugging on the ends. Both my hands are on her breasts now, rubbing soft circles on her skin with my thumbs, and I exhale against her neck.
Eden lets go of my hair and grabs my jaw with her hands, drawing my lips back to hers. We pause for a moment first, our gazes locking. We are both breathing heavily, out of breath from the adrenaline rush, and my mouth curves into a smirk before I lean forward and kiss her again.
We both know we shouldn’t be doing this right now. My hands shouldn’t be on her body, her lips shouldn’t be against mine, but we just can’t fight it. She is too desirable to me. She is everything that I want. She is absolutely and completely irresistible.
