I look at my smile again. Then at Dad’s, and I think,Fuck him. Fuck Dad for ruining my life.
I hold up the lighter to the bottom corner of the photograph, and I don’t even hesitate to light it, watching numbly as the flame latches onto the photo. It spreads fast, turning a younger version of me to a blackened crisp first, and then Dad. His face is disappearing into ash, and I let the photo fall into the pool, feeling relief as it begins to disintegrate in the water.
I wish the pain could disappear too.
•••
My mood is even lower than it was this morning. None of Declan’s crew are allowed to swing by Rachael’s party tonight, and if Rachael knew Iwas involved too, I wouldn’t be allowed either. It’s frustrating, because tonight of all nights, I’m craving a high that’s stronger than weed. And if I can’t find that at the party, then I’ll get it on my own. That’s why I’m meeting Declan in a couple hours before I head over to Rachael’s.
It’s just after seven and I have the house to myself, but it’s still too early to get ready so I leave my room, about to head downstairs to watch TV for a while, when I catch Eden climbing the stairs with a dress over her arm. “Looks like it’s just you and me,” I inform her with a teasing smirk. Tyler Bruce is never in a bad mood. Tyler Bruce doesn’t have anything to feel down about. “They’re at the Dodgers game. The Angels are totally gonna lose,” I add, just in case she’s wondering where our parents are. They’ve abandoned us again, but whatever. I wouldn’t have gone to the game with them even if they’d asked.
“I know,” Eden says, staring evenly back at me. She doesn’t smile, so I figure she’s still not all that happy to see me, despite the fact that we haven’t crossed paths in what feels like forever. We seem to come and go at different times. “Can you move, please?”
“Sure,” I say, moving over to allow her to pass. I don’t have the energy to be a complete asshole to her yet, probably because the real me feels like crap. I’m too fed up to pull off a good performance right now. Eden brushes past me, but before she disappears into her room, she pauses and looks at me. “What?”
“You’re coming to Rachael’s tonight, right?” she asks, her expression curious, her tone gentle.
“Yeah.” Why does she ask? Does shewantme there or something? Probably not. I bet she had her fingers crossed that I was going to say no. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m not curious too. I wonder ifshe’sgoing. “You’re gonna be there too, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool,” I say as nonchalantly as I can. I’m sort of happy she’s going too, despite what happened at the last party. She questioned me, I got furious and smashed my damn beer, but at least she cared. I think. And if she does care, then it’s more than anyone else ever has. “What time are we heading over there?”
“What do you meanwe?” Eden asks, rolling her eyes. She turns around and pushes open her bedroom door. “I’m walking across the street on my own. Not with you. You can head on over there, Tyler, any time you want,” she murmurs.
“Chill,” I say under my breath, narrowing my eyes at her.
Why is she like this? I’m not even being a jerk to her right now, yet it seems like shestillhates me. Which is so damn confusing because sometimes, when she’s pushing so hard to figure me out, I think she may just be interested in what I have to say.
Wait. That’s not what I want though. Iwanther to hate me. I need her to keep her distance.
I quickly shake my head as she walks into her room, and I continue downstairs to the living room. I spread out across the couch, turn on the TV, and pretty much snooze for an hour and a half while Eden is upstairs getting ready. I didn’t take my pills this morning, so I’ve done nothing but mope around all day and all evening. I would happily skip this party entirely and just sleep off the rest of this shitty day, but Tyler Bruce doesn’t miss out on parties, especially his friends’ parties, so I force myself to head upstairs at eight thirty to shower. If I am to survive this party, I need a buzz.
I shower, work some gel into my hair, pull on some black jeans and a black leather jacket, then spray some cologne. I would have a beer or two before I head across to the party, but I need to drive to Declan’s place first, so I hold off for now. I fire him a quick text:
Can you hook me up now?
A minute later, he replies with a thumbs-up and a wink.
Grabbing my car keys, I slide my phone into my jacket pocket and turn off the lights in my room, then open my door. I step out into the upstairs hall at the exact same moment Eden does, and we come face-to-face with one another again.
“I’m about to go over there,” she reluctantly tells me, and it sounds like she’s fighting back a sigh. She frowns, and despite telling me earlier that we weren’t heading over to the party together, she asks, “Are you coming with me?”
I can’t help myself from staring at her. She looks different again, almost like she did at Austin’s party a couple weekends ago, but better. Her dark hair flows down her back in waves and her eyes sparkle with silver, her lashes thick, her eyebrows dark and defined. My eyes travel down her body, taking her in. She’s short, but her heeled shoes make her legs look longer, and this time she’s wearing a dress that suits her. It’s sort of peach, neatly fitted but not too clingy, and my gaze rests a little too long on the cleavage that’s showing through its keyhole design. “I actually gotta head out real quick,” I force out. Suddenly, my mouth has gone dry.
Eden looks down at the ground and anxiously folds her arms across her chest as though she knows I’m looking. When she glances back up, she asks, “Where?”
“Just somewhere.” Shit, I hope she’s not about to interrogate me over this too. I don’t want to get mad at her. I never want to see that flash of fear in her eyes again, even if it was only for a fleeting moment. “Just go over,” I tell her, and I am mentally pleading that for once, justonce, she listens to me. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“But where are you going?”
So, she’s really doing this again. She’s really going to question me until I explode. I refuse to break though. She’s looking at me from beneath those thick, dark eyelashes of hers, and I know that she is genuinely concerned. Her glossy pink lips are parted slightly as she waits for my answer. “Damn, Eden.” I throw my hand up into the air and turn away from her, retreating back into the safety of my room, but of course she follows me. She’s so fucking stubborn.
“Why are you getting mad?” she asks quietly through the darkness of my room. When I look at her, I can see the glistening of her eyes as she stares straight back at me. She is slowly coming into focus. “I’m just asking where you’re going.”
“I’m going to meet someone, alright?” I shoot back at her, my voice raised, my tone hard. I’m snapping already, way quicker than usual, and I can feel my temper rising up through me. She needs to stop now. “I’ve got shit to pick up and you gotta back off about it.” And right now, I need that shit more than ever.
Eden goes quiet. I’m watching her expression: a blank canvas that slowly fills with disappointment. “You’re meeting Declan,” she says into the dark silence. It’s a statement. “He’s not going to the party so you’re going out to meet him instead. Right?” She talks slowly, her voice kept low.
