I give Tiffani the smallest hint of a smile. She can’t ever find out. “And throw awayyou? Never.” God, I hate myself so fucking much. I wish I could just tell Tiffani that I don’t care, that she’s hot but I don’t even like her very much, that I’m only using her as a distraction. But no, I’m too much of a pathetic loser who has to maintain this bullshit relationship to convince everyone that my life is good, that I’m fine, that I’ve got everything figured out. I started high school with every intention of ensuring no one ever saw me as pathetic and someone to be messed with, and hooking up with the coolest girl back in my freshman year was a surefire way to guarantee that. Without Tiffani, I’d have to find my own status all over again.
I sling my arm around Tiffani’s shoulders and pull her close against my chest, guiding her back over to the door, but she quickly pushes me away from her. “I’ve been waiting for you to come over,” she tells me, her tone changing. It becomes sharper, back to its usual. “What the hell have you been doing this entire time?”
I follow her down the stairs, and I’m thinking,Here we go again.Demanding Tiffani is back. “Chill out,” I say, rolling my eyes behind her. “I was gonna head over in an hour, like you said.”
“You could have at least answered my calls. You know I need you to always answer them so I know where you are.”
“I couldn’t hear them over my music.” That’s a lie. I saw her calling, but I just wasn’t in the right mind frame to answer. She was the last person I wanted to talk to. It’s not like she would understand, because she doesn’t know the truth. No one does.
We stop in the hall, and she turns around to face me, most likely to start another unnecessary argument, but before she can say anything more, I spot Eden. She is on the couch in the living room, her eyes glued to us, watching. It’s all she ever seems to do.
“Now what the hell is your problem?” I ask her.
Eden continues to stare at me, her expression blank. She looks unfazed. “Geez.”
“Shut up, Tyler,” Tiffani says, and I sense her shaking her head from beside me. As if she’s on Eden’s side.
“Whatever.” I turn back to Tiffani, and although she is grinding my gears, I still expect our plans to follow through. “Let’s just get outta here.”
“Actually…” she says slowly, and she pushes out her lower lip, something she always does when she knows she’s about to piss me off. That’s why I know that whatever she says next, I’m not going to be happy with.
I sigh. “What now?”
Tiffani turns away and walks into the living room, stepping in front of the TV, much to Eden’s irritation. She’s wondering what the hell is going on too. It’s obvious from her expression. She’s not very good at hiding her true thoughts, it seems, but maybe she doesn’t realize how readable her expression can be. “New plan,” Tiffani says, and I step curiously into the living room, listening. She is glancing between both Eden and me, and I don’t like it. “Austin’s throwing a last-minute party and we’re going. You too, Eden. It’s Eden, right? You don’t really look the partying type, but Rachael says I have to invite you along. So come.”
“Back up a second,” I blurt. What the hell? Another party? I barely survived the one last night. The absolute last thing I want to do right now is go to another, where I will have to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny. Where I will have to nod to music I don’t like. Where I will be the one to have to drink the most because everyone thinks I can handle it when I definitely can’t. I just want to relax, to be with Tiffani, to let her distract me. I head over to her, placing my hand on her hip and moving my lips to ear. “I thought we were going to your place. You know…”
“Reschedule that,” she murmurs. She moves around me and claps her hands together, moving her attention to Eden, the goddamn stranger who she only met a few hours ago. “Okay, so you’re coming, Eden. And you too, Tyler. You’re coming and you’re not getting wasted for once.”
So I’m not even allowed to get drunk in order to survive the party? “The fuck?” I hate that she always makes decisions for me.
She already has her car keys in her hand, ready to leave. So much for early notice. “Rachael and Megs are already at my place getting ready, so come on, let’s go!”
“Wait,” Eden says, and when I flash my eyes at her, she is getting to her feet. She doesn’t look too enthusiastic about the idea of a party, but she isn’t objecting to it either. If anything, she only looks apprehensive. Like Tiffani, I wouldn’t have taken her for the partying type of girl, but I guess she’s only going to continue surprising me. “I need to get an outfit. Give me five minutes to find something.”
Tiffani laughs out loud, a laugh of pity, but Eden probably can’t even tell the difference as Tiffani reaches for her arm and yanks her forward. “You can borrow something of mine. Now come on! We’re leaving for the party in two hours.” She lets go of her and makes for the front door, car keys jingling in her hand, her chin held high. I follow her, but only because it seems like I don’t really have a choice right now.
“I thought you were grounded,” I hear Eden murmur as I’m leaving.
I stop, turning back around once more to study her. Who evenisthis girl, really? I figure she must be from Portland, but only because I know Dave is from there. I know she’s only here for the summer. And I know she doesn’t know whoIam yet, because she keeps testing me whether she realizes it or not. She keeps watching me, keeps talking back, keeps questioning everything. I know she lies to her dad. And I know her eyes are hazel, because I can see them now, staring back at me without breaking contact. I smirk at her, impressed. Most people can’t do that. Most people look away after a few seconds. “And I thought you were sick.”
She doesn’t say anything more after that, even when we’re in Tiffani’s car en route back to her place. I’m riding shotgun, and I push my seat as far back as it will go, just to see if Eden will tell me to fuck off or not. She doesn’t, but I wish she would, just so I can hear the way it sounds in her voice. She remains quiet in the backseat instead, staring out of the window, looking slightly more anxious now.
Tiffani, on the other hand, won’t shut up. She is filling me in on the latest petty drama that I honestly could care less about, so I nod and murmur, “Really?” every once in a while just so she believes I’m listening. I’m not though, because all I can think about is how much I am dreading this party. They suck. The only reason I bear them is because they distract me. They help me forget, just for a while, so I’m focused on something else other than how fucking messed up my life is.
When we pull up outside Tiffani’s place, Rachael’s and Meghan’s cars are already in the driveway, and I know they’re already inside getting ready. I can picture it all already: I will be subjected to hours of giggling. I will be grilled about my opinion on their outfits. I will be the one to bring them drinks. “Your mom’s still out, right?” I ask once we’re insideand lingering in the hall, listening to the music that’s already pounding from upstairs. Eden looks way out of her comfort zone as she hangs back behind us, and I quickly glance around. Tiffani’s mom wouldn’t approve of me being here again, and she’s always such a buzz kill.
“Yeah. There’s beer in the kitchen. Kick back down here while we get ready, but take it easy,” Tiffani tells me, and the thunderous look she gives me is all the warning I need. I embarrassed her last night, I know I did. She reaches for Eden’s hand and begins pulling her toward the huge marble staircase that I have stumbled down drunk so many times before, and halfway up, she calls back, “We won’t be long!”
Eden looks terrified as she is dragged away into the hell that is being under Tiffani’s control. Honestly, I feel sorry for the damn girl. She’s been here for—what?—a day? I don’t know what the parties in Portland are like, but I doubt they are anything like ours. She doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into, and I can already tell that she’s going to regret it tomorrow. I run my hand back through my hair and make my way into the kitchen. There’s a stack of alcohol already there, waiting to be brought to the party, and I grab the first beer I find. I pop the cap and take a swig, but I can’t even enjoy it. I drank enough last night to last me the entire summer.
I force it down nonetheless as I lie sprawled on the couch in Tiffani’s living room, flipping between sports channels on the giant TV in the dark for what feels like forever. I keep the box of Bud Lights next to me, so that I can easily grab another. And another. And another. Take it easy? I wish I could, but Tyler Bruce doesn’t take thingseasy.
“We shouldn’t be too much longer,” I hear a voice say after a while, and it startles me a little because the beer is making me drowsy. I prop myself up and crane my neck. Rachael is hovering at the door, a drink in her hand. “You know, you were really, really wasted last night.”
“Yeah. Thanks for the reminder.” I roll my eyes at her, then purposely take a long sip of the beer in my hand just to remind her that I don’t give a shit.
“I’m just saying,” she mumbles, taking a step into the living room. She glances at the TV for a moment, and then back at me, her eyebrows pinching with concern. “You don’t have to drink that much, you know.”
