“Andfor smashing your beer all over my wall,” Tiffani remarks. She exhales and looks away, staring across the backyard through the darkness. She is tense, her patience thin, so I fight harder.
“Yeah, that too.” I step forward, unstable, and gently reach for her wrist. I try to force her gaze back to mine, but she is refusing to give in. “Babe, I’m sorry. You know what I’m like. I overreact. You were right to call me out.” I want to tell her not to ever mention my dad again, but I know that will only start another fight, and honestly, I don’t even want to think about it. Tiffani can be cruel that way. She already knows that she’s not allowed to talk about him, but at the same time, she knows it’s my weakness.
Her eyes finally flicker back to meet mine, and they immediately soften as she sighs. “You know, Tyler, you may be an idiot, but I do actuallylikeyou. At least enough to feel as though I would have to let someone know if you got involved with drugs more than you already are,” she says with an air of innocence, and it’s a subtle reminder that she’ll ruin my life if she has to. As long as she’s in control of my every move, ensuring that everything I say and do coordinate with exactly what she wants, then there are no problems between us. She glances down at my hand on her wrist and then pulls away from me, shaking her head in disapproval. “Because what good are you going to be to me if you end up in jail or dead? I mean, look at yourself. You’re wasted. Are you high too?”
“No,” I say bluntly. For once, I’m not lying. I try once more to reach for Tiffani’s wrist, and this time, she doesn’t pull away. I step closer to her and move my free hand to her chin, tilting her head up to look at me. She likes it when I do that. “I just drank too much again.”
She’s quiet for a minute as she studies my eyes, most likely measuring the size of my pupils, and then she frowns again. “You aren’t seriously considering helping Declan Portwood out, are you?”
Here we go again. Questions that I don’t want to answer. I step back from her and shove my hands into the front pockets of my jeans, shrugging. My head is hung low. “I don’t know.”
“Why, Tyler? It’s not like you need the money.” She grits her teeth and flicks her hair over her shoulder. I watch her closely as she exhales deeply, and for once, I do actually think she might just care about me alittle. “Do you really want to be behind bars for dealing while the rest of us are in college, partying, and getting our degrees? If you do this…you’re absolutely crazy. Tell Declan to find someone else to deal his shit.”
I don’t have the energy to argue over this again, so I do what I do best: I give in and let her win. It’s not worth the grief. Besides, I am craving another drink. “You’re right,” I tell her. “I’m not going to do it. It was stupid to even consider it.”
Tiffani’s face lights up. “You swear, Tyler?”
“I swear, now come here.” Teasingly, I place my hands on her shoulders and squeeze her, pulling her toward me. I wrap my arms around her tiny body and hold her against my chest, my chin resting on the top of her head. I fixate my eyes on a spot in the distance, trying to keep myself stable so that I don’t topple over and bring her down with me. “Nowthisis better than arguing, isn’t it?”
“Mm-hmm,” she agrees against my shirt, then her body locks up beneath my grip as she pushes me back a step. “But you’re smudging my makeup.”
I roll my eyes, almost fall over from the dizziness, then kiss her.
9
Five Years Earlier
Hugh’s truck is parked across the street. I spot it from a mile away, but only because I am desperately searching for it. Dean is by my side, and we’re making our way out of school and across our campus. Today hasn’t beensobad, and having Dean’s dad pick us up makes it better. I may have gotten kicked out of science, but I participated during gym class and survived it, so I consider it an alright day. I just hope it stays that way. “Whydoes he have to get out of the truck?” Dean moans from beside me as Hugh pushes open his door and steps out. Of course, he is smiling, pleased to see us, and when he raises his hand in the air, Dean groans. “Oh, crap. Kill me before anyone sees.”
I don’t know why Dean hates it so much. My dad would never get out of the car to greet me. He barely even smiles when I climb in. That’s why I find Hugh so cool. I give him a thumbs-up back, and Dean fires me a sideways glance of betrayal, but I don’t care. He doesn’t realize how lucky he is. “Hey, boys!” Hugh says as we approach. There’s a smudge of grease on his chin, and I figure he must have just gotten off work. He has his own garage, and he wants Dean to work with him when he’s older. Dad wants me to work for him too one day. That’s why he pushes me so hard, but I don’t even know if it’s what I want.
“Dad, please stop embarrassing me,” Dean says and throws open the passenger door of the truck and climbs inside. I follow suit, pulling myself up into the backseat and clicking on my seatbelt.
“Embarrassing you?!” Hugh repeats in mock disbelief as he joins us inside. He widens his eyes at Dean and then leans over to ruffle his hair. “Never.”
“Stop!” Dean pushes his hand away and then sulks against the window. I know he’s embarrassed only because I’m here, but I wish he knew how jealous I was. Last week, Dad grabbed my hair and dragged me across the kitchen. So, if your dad waving to you and ruffling your hair is embarrassing, then I would happily be embarrassed every single day.
“Oh, lighten up, Deano,” Hugh says with a laugh. He starts the engine and it growls to life, and as he pulls on his seatbelt, he glances over his shoulder at me. “Hey, Tyler. How about you come back to our place and throw a football around for a couple hours? How does that sound?” He smiles at me, and it’s not the fake kind of smile that Dad gives me.
“Really?” I ask. Playing ball with Deandoessound good, but in the back of my mind I know I have homework that needs to be done. Although, none of it is due tomorrow…
“Absolutely,” Hugh says, and he begins to drive. “I’ll let your parents know.”
We head back to the Carters’ house and during the entire ride, all I can do is pray that Dad will be working late today. I hope he doesn’t mind that I’m going over there. I have all night to do my homework, so he should be fine with it.
•••
We stop for a break only when Dean’s mom brings us some juice, and we lie on the lawn, out of breath and staring up at the sky. I glance sideways at Dean. “What if we were brothers?” I ask.
He looks back at me, furrowing his eyebrows. Then he smiles. “I thought we already were.”
“Okay. Can I ask you something then?” I sit up and cross my legs, anxiously pulling at the grass. I’ve been trying to find the opportunity to talk to him about this for a while, and now I finally have the chance. We are alone. We’re friends. Brothers, even. I can talk to him about this.
Dean sits up too, angling his body to face me. “What?”
“Does your dad ever get mad at you?”
“Uh,yeah,” he says, almost matter-of-factly, and then rolls his eyes. “I spilled his coffee all over his shirt on Sunday right before church. He was sooo annoyed.”
