“Go,” he said, a deep growl emanating from his chest.
She did, running into her room and locking the door. She heard him pacing on the other side for some time, the slam of what she assumed was the cookie sheet against the counter, the whine of the front door opening, and his groans as Silas’s command kept him from leaving.
Eventually, after what seemed like hours of painful pacing, his bedroom door slammed and she heard his shower turn on.
Selene fell back onto her bed, wondering at the ache in her body that accompanied her thoughts of Jason. She ran her fingers down her neck, between her breasts, over the cotton bodice of her dress, and up along her inner thigh. She stopped at the lace edge of her briefs. Was a vice catching? Because right now all Selene could think of, although she knew it was wrong and self-destructive, was how she didn’t regret kissing Jason.
If anything, she regretted stopping.
ChapterTwenty
“You finished the cookies,” Selene said, setting down the brown plaid suitcase she’d been holding. Sun streamed in through the east-facing windows, but it did nothing to warm her.
Jason gave her an exhausted smile before his eyes locked on her bag. “What’s with the suitcase?”
“I think you proved last night that you don’t need me anymore. You have full control over your vice. Tonight is the shift. If you can deny yourself so close to the full moon, there’s nothing left for me to teach you.”
“Oh, I’m not sure about that,” he murmured.
She shook her head and looked at the floor.
“For one, I need someone to show me how to make the cookies you made last night. I’ve never baked anything like that. And someone to hold my hand when I feel sick like you did. Someone to remind me of happy memories. Someone to fill this place with joy and light like you have.” He stood and approached her.
“I suspect you’ll have no trouble finding a woman to do all those things. And when the time is right and Nickelova is dead, you can build a life with her.”
“But she won’t be you.”
“She can’t be me.” Selene swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “No matter how badly I want that.”
Jason took another step toward her, his hands spread as if approaching a skittish animal. “You want this too?” He searched her face. “You feel it too. The bond?” He rubbed his chest.
She had felt it. “I do.” Averting her gaze, she chose to be honest. “It feels like there’s an energy between us, a magnetism.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
“You don’t wantme, Jason. It’s natural for a man like you to attach to a caregiver. But once you’re back out in the world, you’ll realize I’m nothing special. I’m no one, just an orphan living among your pack. And my feelings for you, there’s no way to separate them from what happened here.”
“You’re wrong—”
“My work here is done. If I stay now, I’d only be fostering a dependence we’d both have to break.”
He shook his head. “No. That’s not what this is. You know that’s not what this is.”
“I give you permission to leave. You’re free. You’ve graduated from my care. I’ll let Silas know, and I’ll see you at Rivergate for the shift tonight.” She lifted her bag and headed for the door.
“Selene?”
She paused, turning back to him.
“Thank you. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. I’ll never forget that.”
With a soft smile and a nod, she said, “In some ways, I could say the same.” She slipped out the door and left Jason standing in his foyer.
* * *
Selene returnedto Sanctuary feeling numb. She was doing the right thing. Of course she was. The feelings she’d felt for Jason were a natural extension of the therapy she’d administered. Therapists of all kinds were at risk of falling in love with their patients. She’d seen his darkest parts and his happiest memories. She’d shared things about herself she’d never shared with anyone. In time, she’d get on with her real life and those memories would shed like an old snakeskin to some recess of her mind.
When that happened, when she started to forget how happy she was with Jason, how even when he was sick or angry or nearly dead his smile had lit up her soul. When those memories dulled, the pain in her chest would stop and she’d be thankful she was strong today. A person needed to be logical about these things. Love and sex and loneliness were tricky, all mashed up with one another. Time and distance would sort it out.
