“My first time in your psyche, I was looking for the source of the darkness within you. This time I want to look for the source of the light, an anchor you can hold on to if you feel like you might lose control. If you become aware of what strengthens your soul and you foster it, Nickelova’s curse won’t be able to take root in you. If she comes back, she won’t be able to control you.”
He switched on the coffeepot, then realized he’d forgotten to add coffee and switched it back off. As he pulled the ground beans from the pantry, he asked, “What if you can’t find any light in me? What if you drift down my light bulb aisle and find nothing but an assortment of coal and cinders?”
She snorted. “You have light. I saw it while we were meditating. I just couldn’t see the source. It’s bright green. Your soul is beautiful.”
Jason stared at her for a moment. “Is yours blue?”
She nodded excitedly. “Yes! Yes. You saw it? That’s really good, Jason. The scrolls say that if you can sense someone’s aura, you’re in the presence of the goddess herself. That type of meditation is as good as a prayer.”
“The goddess, huh?” He took a deep breath. “I never actually believed in the goddess. I’m still not sure there isn’t another explanation for what you do.”
“How do you explain how I saved you from the curse? I’m not a witch. My only power comes from my connection to the goddess through our religious order.”
His brow furrowed. “Howdidyou lift my curse?”
“I didn’t lift it exactly. I performed a ritual asking the goddess to transfer it into me.” She pointed at her chest.
“Then why aren’t you catatonic in bed like I was?”
“My training and lifestyle keep me pure. Nickelova’s curse was attached to your vice, but when I transferred it into me, there was no place for it to take root. It fizzled and died like a seed on concrete.”
“Your innocence saved you.”
“I told you last night, I’m not exactly innocent, but my way of life is powerful.”
“Hmmm.” It had been a long time since he’d thought of the goddess or his place in the universe. What was it about Selene? Every moment he spent with her challenged him to be a better person. “Thank you for risking yourself for me.”
Selene blushed and turned toward the frying pan.
“Are you all right? Did I say something wrong?”
She plated the eggs. “Just fine. Let’s eat. I want to get started as soon as possible.”
ChapterEighteen
To say that Jason was apprehensive about Selene entering his memories again was an understatement. The first time had felt like having his heart pulled out of his nostril, chewed up, and spit back into the opposite nostril. Silas had been right. The woman sitting cross-legged before him looked as sweet and gentle as an angel, but the power in those dainty, tapered fingers, those two hands adorned with ritualistic symbols, was as fierce and powerful as the goddess’s.
“You’re trembling again,” Selene said. “Are the withdrawal symptoms coming back?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I’m scared shitless. I don’t want to end up in bed for four days again.”
She took one of his hands in hers, and Jason had to suppress the temptation to pull her forward the extra inch and press his lips to hers. “Trust me, Jason. Last time I was rough with you. I had to be. You were fighting me at every turn. This time it won’t be like that. You know why we’re doing this now. You’ve already come so far. Open yourself up to me.”
He nodded. What other choice did he have? Her hand on his might as well have been a steel binding. His heart would have skipped out of his chest and slid down his arm to be part of that coupling, the traitor.
“The only way to conquer a vice is to discover the need it’s trying to fill and fill it with something else. Today I’m going to find a memory of something that once filled that need, before your vice took hold. One so bright and powerful it will become an anchor, holding you to your true need, keeping you from floating too far toward your vice.”
“Okay. Why can’t I remember it on my own?”
“Believe it or not, our minds have a way of shielding us from the good as well as the bad. I’ll be able to remind you of things you may not recall on your own.” Adjusting herself so that her knees touched his, she moved her hands to hover over his heart. “Ready?”
“Yes,” he said. He wasn’t ready. Not really. But he trusted her.
She closed her eyes and gently touched his chest.
