He rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t want your sympathy, and honestly, I never want to speak of this again. But yeah, the sex thing, that’s just a balm, you know. A shallow vice to replace a soul-deep one. So I know what you’re going through, okay, and it’s serious. This could get hard for you.”
Vices were serious business in wolf world. Different wolves had different vices. Some wolves were known to obsess over certain foods or have an irresistible craving to roll in dried leaves. A mild vice would pass if denied long enough. She’d known a wolf who’d given up their vice for coffee a few years back without many side effects. But other vices became all-consuming obsessions, denial causing painful detox symptoms. The best scenario was having a mate who was also your vice. The bond that formed was unbreakable and in their tradition was a sign the mating was fated by the goddess.
“I can’t… I can’t want him in that way. Kyle can’t be my vice, and he certainly can’t be my fated mate. He’s not even a werewolf.”
“Maybe your wolf can be distracted with sex, like mine is,” Jason offered. “Try with someone else.”
Laina stared at the ceiling. “Maybe, but my wolf has wanted him since the minute we met. She’s asked for himtwice.”
“Shit.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “You’ve got to stay away from him, then. If you don’t, it’s only going to get worse. With time and distance, you should be able to redirect her.” In a quiet voice, he added, “It worked for me.” Jason shifted uncomfortably, and she silently berated herself for not being more sensitive about his plight. Oh goddess, she hoped forgetting Kyle didn’t require sleeping with practical strangers. It might work for Jason, but she just couldn’t do it.
“Turn around. I’m getting out.”
Jason slid to the other side of the toilet and stared at the door. She pulled the plug on the drain and stood up to grab a dry towel from the rack. Wringing out the wet one, she hung it up to dry before wrapping the other around her body. “Okay.”
“What about the fairy box? Did you do Monty’s dirty work?” Jason asked, turning back toward her.
“Yes. The box is activated and in the dustiest corner of the kitchen. The place will be crawling with rats by tomorrow. If the health inspector doesn’t close Hunt Club down, at least temporarily, Monty hasn’t bribed the right people.”
“Good. Hopefully, that’s the end of it. The packs should be here tomorrow. We need Monty to be cooperative.”
“It’s three o’clock in the morning. I think we can officially say the packs will be here later today, which is why I sorely need to get some sleep.” She started for her room.
The toilet rattled as Jason removed himself from its porcelain lid. “Hey, Laina.”
“Yeah.”
“I know you think that if you work hard enough and study long enough, you can cure yourself of being a werewolf and escape what it means. You can’t. This isn’t a disease. There is no cure. You’re a supernatural being. It’s magic, not medicine. Do what you have to do to deal with these feelings you’re having, and don’t feel guilty about it for a second. No shame.”
“Just like there’s no shame in marrying someone I don’t love to perpetuate the Fireborn bloodline? Like how there will be no shame in cheating on whoever the male might be because marriage is nothing more than a practical business arrangement and I am simply a wolf who needs to breed?”
“Come on, Laina…”
“No. Don’t deny it. That’s exactly how the pack thinks. That’s how Silas thinks. Maybe that’s howyouthink. Well, let me tell you howIthink. I think I don’t have to let the wolf rule my life. Love exists, real love, the kind of love that brings you to your knees and holds you tight during the storm. Sex means something, and so does marriage. And not because my inner wolf or the pack at large bullies me into wanting it.”
He groaned, his gaze shifting toward the ceiling.
“Maybe it doesn’thave to mean something, but I want it to. I don’t want to grow old with someone who simply served a purpose in my life, like an ugly Christmas sweater I wear every year because it’s become some kind of preposterous tradition. I don’t want to dull my wolf’s passions for someone by having sex with someone else. I need intimacy. I want tenderness and love. Yes, real love.” Her voice took on a thready quality. “I want what Mom and Dad had!” Tears stormed her face with a vengeance.
“So that’s it, then. This is about our parents.”
She whirled on him. “Don’t you want what they had? The pure, unadulterated affection we grew up with?”
Jason frowned. “Everyone aspires to that, Laina, but you have to remember, they were both purebreds. And they were lucky. They were fated mates. It’s not like one of them was human.”
“Cameron asked me to marry him at the ball,” she admitted.
“Cameron is gay.”
“You caught on to that, huh?”
“Uh, yeah. I think most people know. They just don’t talk about it.”
“Well, is that good enough for me? Should I be happy that someone asked? Should I be satisfied with a platonic marriage?”
“Only you can answer that, but I would think choosing Cameron would be far preferable to having someone chosen for you. You’re twenty-nine and female. You’re running out of time. And on that note, I guarantee the last person anyone would choose for you is a human playboy who owns a lifestyle club.”
“I know, I know. I’ll stay away from him. I get it.” Ugh. Her chest hurt. “As for Cameron’s proposal, I don’t think I want to be married at all.”
