She stared down at the scroll in front of her. “My mother stood trial for the murder of my father. She was found to be insane and institutionalized in the Borough. She was unfit to care for me, which is why I was brought here.”
She hazarded a glance at Colin. There it was. That was what she was waiting for. Horror darkened his gray eyes. Now was the time to drive the stake home.
“Marjory took me to the Borough to visit my mother. We found her living in a filthy block of concrete with a straw bed. She’s cared for there, but there isn’t an ounce of luxury. It’s a hard life. Harder than here in the temple, even with our oath to live simply.
“I don’t know what I expected. In retrospect, she hadn’t seen me since I was nine. But we looked so much alike I couldn’t help but recognize her. We visited for a time under the guise of scribes interested in the happenings there. And then, at my Quanling’s prodding, I introduced myself.”
Leena locked eyes with Colin. “My mother admitted she’d recognized me the moment I’d walked into the room, but all she saw was my father in me. She said she should have killed me too when she had the chance.”
“Goddess, Leena, that’s awful. I—”
“It is where I come from. The only reason I am alive, well cared for, at peace, is because of this temple and the goddess. The people here are my family now. I took my oath soon after that, willingly. I wanted to be part of this. I wanted to remain here always, sheltered from that terrible life I saw in her eyes.”
“It scarred you. You were young. Seeing her must have been traumatic.”
“Here, I have love, I have acceptance, I have safety. I belong here.”
Colin stood and paced across the library, the scar on his arm looking especially red in the lamplight. “But you don’t have freedom.”
“What? Why would you say that? I am free.”
He turned back to her, his gray eyes glowing deep red with intensity. Those were the eyes of his dragon, she realized. And when he spoke, his voice was lower, grittier than before. “If you were completely happy here, completely free, you wouldn’t have kissed me, or invited my touch, or wanted to dance as you did. You wouldn’t look at me the way you do.”
She shrugged and shook her head. “Curiosity. That is all. Nothing more.”
“That’s not true. You meant it. There was more behind our interactions than just testing the waters.”
Leena brought her fist down on the table. “Don’t you understand? Before Aeaea when I met your siblings, I’d never witnessed couples showing love to one another as an adult—never with a mind for understanding it. When you come across something for the first time, you want to experience it. Think about it. The first time you were here, didn’t you want to gaze into a sacred pool or call up a scroll from the stacks?”
Colin’s mouth turned into a cynical slash. “True. I was curious. But I didn’t grab you and force you to show me those things. I didn’t lose myself to the experience of being a scribe.”
“I didn’t—”
He slashed a hand through the air. “I can’t say what you felt or what you thought, but I do know one thing—you chose me. You didn’t experiment with another elf, or a nymph, or ask one of my brothers to help you.”
“They have mates. I would never—”
“You may not have experience with the opposite sex, Leena, but I do. And what happened between us was a culmination of something more, something that has been growing since I first set foot in this temple. You know it and I know it.”
She took a deep breath. She did know it, or maybe she suspected it. Whenever she was near him, she felt a tug deep within her, drawing her to him. And if she was being honest, it was more than physical. She preferred his company to all others. It was why she needed distance. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, remembering their weeks together. “No. I’m sorry. It wasn’t that for me.”
He stared at her and shook his head.
“You should go to bed. I’ll skim through these scrolls and let you know what I find.”
He knew she was lying. She could tell by the way his head tipped to one side and his eyes narrowed at the corners. Colin leaned toward her, the tension between them growing to epic levels. Her senses were overwhelmed with his leather-and-spice scent.
“You know what I think?” The hint of his dragon she’d noticed in his eyes earlier gave way to a softer gray as he seemed to regain his cool composure. “I think you told me about your parents because you thought it would push me away. You thought it would make you an undesirable mate.”
Her gaze drifted away from his, her chest heavy with how close he’d come to the truth. How did he know? How could he tell?
“But I am a man whose mother murdered his father. My parents all but ignored me, forced me to fight in the pits of Paragon, forced my siblings and me into hiding. And it is my psychopathic mother we are going to war against.”
Leena leaned back, suddenly feeling cold.
“Knowing you’ve had to overcome your roots only proves why we would be perfect for each other.” He raised an eyebrow. “Sorry to disappoint you, but it doesn’t make me think any less of you.”
Just a table length. All she’d have to do was lean forward, give in to this pull between them and the heat singing in her blood, and she could feel his lips again. Her face moved a half inch toward him before she realized it. She stopped, pulled back. Her eyes locked on to his. A dizzying feeling caused her to inhale deeply and her stomach to drop. The temperature in the room climbed a degree. She remembered his touch, how it had felt for his hands to coast over the hardened tips of her breasts, to do what he did before between her legs. Another quarter inch evaporated between them. The goddess could forgive one more kiss.
