Jason glanced toward the balcony. “Come outside with me?”
“Jason…”
“I’ll tell you. Just help me outside. If I eat another bite I’m going to pop. I haven’t seen the sun in four days.”
She stood and helped him to the balcony. A warm breeze circled her shoulders as she lowered Jason onto one of the sling-back chairs.
“Do you want me to get you a blanket?” she asked.
“No. I’m okay.”
Selene sat down beside him, trying to be patient.
“Considering she was a human, Professor Matthews had quite the appetite. Once or twice a week she’d call me into her office and I’d do what I thought I had to do. Until during one session, my phone rang. I didn’t answer it, not until later when I was back at my dorm room.”
“Who was it?” Selene’s voice felt thin and weak.
“It was my mom. She wanted to talk to me about a charity performance she was going to with my father. My parents had invited my siblings and me to go as well, but I couldn’t because of Professor Matthews. My sister couldn’t go either because she was finishing an intense veterinary medicine program at the time. And Silas couldn’t go because he was a new detective and he was working that night.” Jason’s voice petered out at the end until she could barely hear him. She threaded her fingers into his and squeezed.
“It’s understandable, Jason.”
He turned his head to look at her, his green eyes as cutting and bright as emeralds. “My parents were gunned down in the Harlequin Theater at that performance. That call and that message were the last time I heard my mother’s voice. Not only did I miss Silas’s call weeks later to tell me they were dead, but I missed my last chance to talk to them while they were still alive. I never called my mother back. I was ashamed. I didn’t want to talk to her in case something in my voice gave away what I was doing with Jill. All because I couldn’t say no. I couldn’t face the consequences of my actions.”
Selene’s lips parted and she took a tiny sip of air, trying her best not to react to the revelation, not to feel the aching pain that rolled off Jason like a fog and settled right over her heart. The look on his face said it all. He loathed himself. Loathed what he’d done.
Standing from her chair, Selene knelt in front of him on the concrete, placing her hands on top of his.
“You couldn’t have known what would happen. It isn’t your fault.”
“No? Maybe if I’d had a spine. If I’d stood up to her… maybe I would have gone with my parents to that stupid play, and maybe I could have stopped Alex.”
“Maybe. Or you might have been another of his victims. Your mother knew you loved her. If she were here, she’d tell you she forgives you for that day and many others. She’d want you to forgive yourself.”
“How do you know?” Jason’s green eyes were wet with unshed tears.
“I’m an acolyte, Jason.” Selene squeezed his hands. “Goddess willing, it’s my job to know.”
14
Jason’s head pounded like the drum line in a subpar marching band. He’d hoped he could work a little, knew that after four days his inbox would be full, but after staring at a single e-mail for the better part of an hour, he conceded he wasn’t ready.
Shuffling from his room, he found Selene curled in the leather chair with one of the few magazines he kept in the apartment,The Economist. Her violet eyes stared past the page with the sort of intense boredom you might see at a daylong insurance seminar.
“How about a movie?” Jason asked.
“Please.” She closed the magazine. “If you’re not too tired. It’s getting late.”
“I’ve spent days in bed.” He grimaced. “I have no desire to go back there. Not yet.”
“What do you want to watch?”
“The DVDs are inside the cabinet to the right of the fireplace. If you don’t see anything you like, we can download something.”
She crossed the room and popped open the cabinet. He watched her sit cross-legged on the floor like a child, perusing each title. What would she pick? He kept a number of romantic titles for his female guests, but there were a few in there he actually liked.
“Here we go.” She pulled a disc from the case and slid it into the machine.
Jason smiled. She’d chosen his favorite. “The Lord of the Rings? A strange choice for an acolyte.”
