They said it time and time again at the meetings that all of our traumas were valid and we were there to support each other and help, not compete. Not compare. None of it.
She was shocked that was part of why I’d not spoken up and agreed with Creed that it was time to start being a bit more selfish. There was a difference between being a selfish person and putting myself first.
She also acknowledged that it was hard given I was raised that ever considering myself was being selfish. She said that it would get better with work.
Alexis also connected me with the psychiatrist who specialized in traumas like we’d been through, and from the moment I met her, I felt that hope again. She was a very oldvampire who had seen too much pain and made it clear she knew she was put on this earth to help those of us who survived be rewired to thrive.
That sounded so nice.
Beyond nice even.
But things came to a head when I saw Ellie and Theresa in a new light. Their lives had been hard, so I’d excused a lot of their spoiled behavior. I’dwantedthem to be a bit spoiled and have things I’d never had. Theresa especially because even if I was saving her, she suffered… But nothing I did wasevergood enough.
I understood it. I forgave it. I accepted it because of the positions I’d put them in, but after some of my first sessions, I realized how much I’d let go. I wasn’t allowed to open my mouth unless I was spoken to first, asked a direct question, or I would be slapped across the face and denied food.
And I never once complained.
Was that wrong? Yes. Undoubtedly, but… Ellie and Theresa had so much more and I didn’t think either of them had ever thanked me. For anything. Yes, I had to provide it as their parent, but I was seeing more.
It was like a curtain was pulled back when Kenneth tried to kill himself. They were upset, so upset. Theresa had never met him and now she couldn’t get her revenge. Ellie the same, and they both looked at me like they were disappointed that I wasn’t upset either.
So I didn’t hide that I was disgusted with both of them. Fair or not, that was how I felt.
“Wait, Aurora, what just happened in there?” Ha-joon asked as he chased after me. “I’m confused and they’re both upset.”
“I don’t control their feelings and clearly they don’t care about me,” I answered before thinking better of it and spinningaround. “What did they expect from me? They’re disappointed that… What? I’m not upset?”
He frowned and rubbed the back of his neck. “I think that’s normal to—”
“I never agreed to marry that man!” I yelled, feeling good to finally get that out—getanythingout. “I was given to him. He wasn’t my husband before the gods. No vows were exchanged. He was my rapist. My abuser for over acentury. Yes, I want him dead. I want him deadpainfully.”
“Yeah, okay, sorry, that makes more sense, but why are you—you were disgusted with them or—”
“Because they were upset how it affectedtheminstead of his main victim,” Xavier of all people cut in. “If Kenneth dies, Aurora is finallyfreeinstead of this joke dragging out their divorce which we all know is politics and police agencies trying to stick it to her thinking she knows information. Did either Ms. Reed consider that? Or only themselves?”
“Thank you,” I breathed, beyond relieved that someone understood. “So yes, Ha-joon, I was disgusted that they were disappointed in me instead of giving me an ounce of consideration when all I have ever done is consider them.” I shook my head and looked away. “What am I even doing? I should have left no matter what Ellie said.”
I was about to say that I wish I had except I had a flash of Creed’s face. No, meeting him was worth the extra drama.
Ha-joon tried to remind me of all the help he and Ellie had given me, but I walked away. Yes, they had, and I was grateful, but that didn’t detract from my feelings that they were wrong in this moment.
None of us could see each other clearly and would forever be a form of salt in each other’s wounds. That seemed obvious to me now.
Creed asked me what was wrong when he came by later and completely agreed with Xavier. He said he even understood it in that moment, but the fact that Ellie nor Theresa had texted or called to apologize in the hours after was what upset him. It took nothing to send a text saying they understood my feelings and were sorry they didn’t see it earlier.
And honestly, that was all I had needed. We all had different feelings and hurts on the situation and I was accepting of theirs.
They just weren’t accepting of mine.
So I was really glad I had listened to Alexis and was now working with her and some “shark” Creed had referred her to. Things moved much faster and that was why I ended up in front of the minister who was friends with my father.
He made a big show of greeting me in front of other people that I didn’t know and actually came closer to hug me. He chuckled awkwardly when I took a step back and asked him to remember himself, but I saw it there in his eyes.
The anger that a woman spoke back to him.
“I’ve known you since you were a child, Aurora,” he tried to brush it off.
“Well, I’m not a child, Minister, and we never spoke when I was a child. Females weren’t allowed to in my family, so I believe this is the first time you’re hearing my actual voice,” I replied, Alexis having warned me that the best thing to do for myself and everyone involved was to put on my toughest armor and fight.
