“And that’s why you couldn’t be trained,” I told Theresa. “Especially since no one was supposed to know about you.”
She opened her mouth but then shot Aurora a worried look before meeting my gaze. “There is a conversation to be had later but yes, my own trauma on that topic blinds me.”
I swallowed loudly and nodded that I heard her. She’d been raped. She hadn’t known how to fight and… What a fucking mess.
But it did explain more of her hostility towards Aurora.
“So the cottage was…” Theresa asked quietly.
“One of the elders,” Aurora mumbled. “His sister’s once, but she died. Kenneth didn’t know about it. The elder didn’t askquestions as long as he got what he wanted. I told him once that a cousin of mine escaped and needed a safe place. A few of the elders thought Ellie’s mother was my escaped cousin and I gave them my body for their help and funds.”
She curled into me, finally saying it.
“The shame isn’t yours, Aurora,” Alexis whispered.
“I couldn’t have my daughter suffer what I did,” Aurora rasped, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Stripped and bent over a table after my wedding dinner, so many men in the room jeering and yelling as he had me again and again. I couldn’t let either of my daughters suffer that. I failed though and couldn’t protect anyone. I shouldn’t have been born.”
“Don’t say that. Please don’t say that,” I begged her, kissing her hair and rubbing her back. “I’m glad you were born.”
“We didn’t suffer that, so you didn’t fail,” Ellie rasped, wiping under her eyes. She seemed at a loss and so did Theresa.
Well, that was better than them judging and mistreating her.
The sadness and defeat I was feeling from her was killing me, so I stood and knelt at her feet again, waiting until she focused on me. “Aurora, if you never listen to me again, I want you to hear this as an outside perspective coming in super late to this centuries-long crazy, okay?” I pushed when she didn’t say anything. “You said having my outside perspective—”
“Helped,” she whispered. “You had so many other voices in your ears, and while I don’t know that world or this world, I know being a parent even if I was a horrible one. I chose to be Ellie’s mom even if I was the villain who kept her from her birth mom. I chose to barely know my own daughter to keep her safe, crying for her every night.”
I nodded, realizing that she wasn’t comprehending she’d said that in front of them because she was high now. “So you promise to at least hear me out, yeah? My outside perspective?”
She gave me a sad smile. “Yes, Creed. You’re my peace. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you now too.”
“You didn’t,” I quickly said. “We tripped. You forgave me for my mistake and—I understand you were going to jump so Ellie and Theresa weren’t embarrassed.” I realized it was true when she flinched. “You really would die to protect them.”
“Of course. That’s a parent’s job,” she told me firmly as tears filled her eyes. “You have no idea what all of them did to me so I could protect them and they both still hate me.” She reached out and cupped my cheek. “That’s why your adoptive parents are monsters. You owe themnothing, Creed. Ellie and Theresa owe me nothing. I chose to have them.”
I frowned. “You were raped and—”
“Silly man. There were ways to abort babies back then. I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t abort the life given to me by the gods. Others did and they should never feel shame, but… I know my limits.” She pulled her hand away. “Sorry, I didn’t ask either. If you have to ask—that’s only fair.”
Gods, I wanted to gobble her up and it was going to be hard to go slow. “You can touch me anytime you want.” I was glad when she smiled. Life was lighter when Aurora smiled. “Now, you’re really going to listen.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m not a child. I said I would. Everyone keeps treating me like a child just because I’m broken. It’s not the same and it—I wasn’t just going to jump for them.”
I swallowed loudly and nodded. “You’re high. That’s my hesitation, not that you’re a child, you old fart.”
She giggled. “You’re cute. Okay, tell me your wisdom and I will listen.”
“You have been sinned against more than you have sinned,” I said gently, giving her a minute with that. “You keep saying that everything that’s happened is punishment for your sins, butyou were sinned against beforeyouever sinned, Aurora. Yes, you have to pay for your sins, but…”
Even high, she was so sharp. “Who told you that, Creed?”
I smiled sadly at her. “A cop who was trying to play me. Except it’s not true in my situation. I’ve sinned more than I was sinned against. I’ve done a lot more than I was busted on even if those weren’t my crimes. And I’ve beenforgiven. I’m sorry and paid—am still paying. That’s what I’m saying. You’re paying too much.”
“He’s right,” Alexis cut in. “And it’s a good way to say it. Even in law—your crimes aren’t forgiven because crimes were committed against you.”
“But they’re taken into consideration,” Aurora said with a frown. “Yes, I saw that in movies and read it in books, not just fiction ones.”
“Right, but the crimes committedagainst youaren’t forgotten because you’ve sinned, Aurora. That’s the part you keep ignoring,” I said firmly. “You keep focusing on your sins. It’s time to start focusing on what’s happened to you. Please. Ask for help. Be selfish. Decide whatyou wantand Ellie and Theresa can deal with their own damn lives.”
