“You’re stupid and fucked up and yeah, you deal with getting caught or the heat. But like… I had no idea how big it went. How it was all smoke and mirrors. Not until mydadcame to visit mein jail and said it was my fault for making the Alpha’s kids look like slobs. Did I have to graduate top of my class?
“Did I have to be such a good attorney that other firms were always recruiting me? Like it was my fault for being so fucking dumb to step out of line. So we punished people for fucking up but also for doing too good of a job? And then that was when I saw it all. I saw all thebullshitI was buying into for so fucking long.”
He shook his head, clearly disappointed in himself.
“It’s hard,” I offered, knowing it wasn’t nearly enough after what he’d been through. I wasn’t sure how to try again, but I did. “It took me so many years to see through the lies and work the system to—”
“Aurora, I mean this without any shade, but you’re still partially trapped there,” he said quietly. “You talk detached about things that shouldn’t be and—”
“You’re not wrong, but that’s centuries of exhaustion,” I mumbled, feeling rebuffed for trying to help. “Ellie and Theresa aren’t wrong when they both say that I’m a broken woman compared to the strength and power I used to be. I was deluded to think what I’d done to Ellie andforher wasn’t as bad as it was. But I knew the system was broken and worked it early.
“I spent centuries not having the blood I should—the food and even water I should, Creed. I might not be immortal anymore.” I swallowed loudly, not having said that to anyone before, and the way he went tense was why. “The doctors don’t know if that long of being mistreated could have cost me my immortality. Ellie and Theresa don’t know.”
“They should. If nothing else, they need to know you’ve paid enough for your fucking sins,” he said with a growl.
“That doesn’t help themhealfrom the pain I caused.”
“Stop being so fucking selfless,” he demanded, jumping to his feet and slapping his hands on the kitchen island. “Demandbetter for yourself, Aurora! Demand your family’s heads! Go fucking gut that husband! Do something to make your life fucking better! Get even. Get justice!” He closed his mouth and shook his head before trying again and then giving up. “I have to go.”
I glanced at the clock and saw it wasn’t time for him to return yet. “I’m sorry you’re mad and want to leave.”
“I am mad but not really at you. At how we’ve been screwed and that I can’t fucking fix any of it. But I really do have to go.” He frowned when I didn’t say anything. “It takes a while to get here by bus, Aurora.”
“Oh, right, I’m sorry, I haven’t experienced public transportation. Xavier can drive you.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that smart.” He sighed and then headed for the door. He stopped when I didn’t follow, pausing in the hallway. “You’re coming for lunch tomorrow, yeah? We can have those leftovers you boxed up? I’ll tell you the rest?”
“I wouldn’t miss it, Creed,” I promised, glad he wasn’t done with me.
“Good. Sleep tight.” And then he was gone.
I let out a slow breath, not upset since he’d stopped to check we were going to spend more time together. Ellie had always been like that when she was upset. She needed space from the situation and to think. I wasn’t… Wired that way. I wanted resolution and to communicate better or at least take a break together, not leave things up in the air.
But in a way it was a break until tomorrow.
There was one thing I wanted to clarify with him, and when I saw he’d written his number on the whiteboard I had on the wall for my grocery list, I picked up my phone and opened a text message.
Me: I want to clarify a misconception I believe you have. I have tried to discuss the past with both Ellie and Theresa. Neither is open to it. Ellie has said eventually there are things we need to discuss, but it seems now that day will probably never come. Theresa has been clear from the start it will never happen.
Me: I cannot force them and after—this is my punishment for not protecting them better. Even if I did not birth Ellie, I am the reason she was born, Creed. It was my job to protect them and instead I committed grave sins against them. I am the parent, even if not Ellie’s biologically. Even if legally I won’t be when the divorce happens with Kenneth. I am her parent.
Me: And I need to respect what my daughters want even if it is harder on me. Theresa thinks me a liar on so much and she’s not wrong. Ellie too. I lied about so much, but they’re old enough to hear the truth now. They werechildrenwhen I failed them and had to send them off for their safety, knowing they would be hurt.
Me: That failure is my sin too, Creed. One I will burn for and I accept that. I failed in everything, but I did try to correct the falsehoods they believe about the past. If it helps them think more was my fault or they cannot reopen the wounds because it’s centuries later, so be it. I only want their happiness. They’re both on good paths now. They did that all on their own.
Me: I only failed them.
Creed: No, you sacrificed yourself so they had a chance to become the women they are. I’m pissed at both of them for not being smarter and seeing that.
Creed: And honestly, I would give ANYTHING to have more answers from my adoptive parents. If there was more to the story like it was done behind their backs or they were ordered to adopt me but actually ended up caring about me—their bio kids fucking threatened—ANY REASON, it would help me, Aurora. They need the truth.
Me: How will them knowing I suffered more help them? That I was a weak woman without morals who sold herself? Both my daughters are strong and save people. I sold myself and should be ashamed.
Me: The only way I keep moving is no one but the gods and I know that shame.
Creed: Oh, beauty, the shame isn’t yours. You’re the fucking victim. You’re the hero in my eyes. You threw yourself in front of them as kids. It just wasn’t a sword that pierced you and it was more times than you can count.
Creed: It’s a whore if you do it for yourself. You did it for them. But I’m on your side of this. I beg you to tell someone neutral. I’m biased because of my own past. Tell someone more neutral and I promise you that they will see it as I do. You said you have a support group, yeah? Tell them just that part and I swear to you that none will call you a whore. Not if they have a shred of fucking decency.
