I spoke the word with anger, with hate, and all the pent up emotion I kept bottled up inside me. I shook with rage, with fear, with the desperation of a father facing the unknown. The potential loss of his son.
“I won’t lose you,” I growled. “Declan, I’ll never let you go. They can’t take me from you. They’llnevertake me from you.”
There was no way I could focus on my work after that encounter.
I shut down my computer, locked my office.
After I drove my car from the parking lot, I had no destination in mind. Heading west toward the mountains, I simply drove into them, following the twisting, winding curves that led higher and higher, the elevation rising with every mile.
I stopped at a pull in lookout point, then parked. Outside, leaning against the guardrail, I gazed at the mountains and the plains far below.So much world to get lost in. So many countries. The council can’t track us everywhere.
Thinking of Jacy, I wondered how I’d explain this to her.Sorry, hon, the council is determined I’m guilty and plans to banish me to an island off the Iceland coast. I hate to fire you,but Declan and I are flying to hide in the islands off Mexico. I’ll give you a great reference.
I bowed my head.How did my life get so fucked up? Why I am falling for Jacy more and more each day that I don’t want to abandon my life with her which can lead to a separation between me and my son, even worse, I can lose my life?
However insane it sounded, I didn’t want to leave Jacy behind.
Banishing most thoughts from my head, I stood at the rail and gazed at the scenery for hours. It wasn’t exactly like meditating, but it came close. I calmed my inner torment and turmoil, found acceptance in what will be, will be. If the council chose to banish me, I’d run. I’d take Declan and Jacy with me.
There’s a big world out there the council cannot reach. We’ll lose ourselves, lose the council, leave all behind us. As a stockbroker, I can make money from anywhere. I’ll keep us safe.
The sun made its slow way across the sky into the west. When it hit the high peaks, I returned to my car. As I drove down from the high country, my previous insecurity returned. What was I thinking? Bring Jacy along as I flee for my life? Am I insane?
My emotions torn, fluttering in the wind, I parked my car in the garage. I saw nothing of Jacy, but Declan looked up from playing with his kittens, his eyes dark and concerned. I tried to smile and failed. So I kissed him and retreated to my room.
After shutting the door, I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, as the shadows drifted in from the growing darkness. The odors of mac and cheese drifted to my nose, reminding me I hadn’t eaten all day. Oddly, I craved Jacy, not food.
I felt like this pain inside me had persisted for centuries and I was running and running. I needed her. I needed her to hold me, to tell me it’s all right. Just as she soothed Declan, Iwanted her to soothe me. But how could I ask that of her? I hired her to care for Declan, not me. I dared not ask her for more than she wanted to give.
Especially to me.
Full darkness fell with a thump.
I sat on the edge of my bed, listening to Jacy put Declan in his room to sleep. I heard the soft meowing of his kittens as they complained about the early hour of bedtime. I smiled as I pictured Peter and Wendy purring while curled up on either side of Declan.Jacy was right to bring them into our lives. They’re good for us all.
“I love you,” I heard Jacy say as she closed Declan’s door. “Sleep tight, bugs bite.”
Standing, I paced to my door and opened it a crack. Enough to peer out and into the hallway.
As it happened, Jacy looked right at my room as I did so. Her green eyes, already wide, took me in.
“Avery,” she murmured.
“Please,” I whispered. “Come here.”
She accepted my outstretched hand, permitted me to bring her into my darkened room. I shut the door behind her, held her hands within mine. In the darkness, her face appeared as a small moon, uptilted toward mine. Bending, I kissed her.
Not just a kiss.
Oh, no.
I slipped my tongue between her lips, explored her mouth as she opened for me. Her arms around my neck clasped me to her, preventing a change of mind if I had one. I didn’t.
“I need you,” I whispered against her mouth.
Chapter Nine
Jacy
