Justice actually did think that. He was feeling like that's what should have happened because his whole world had ended, and he fully expected it to end everywhere else as well. It didn't seem fair that the world could keep turning, when his own personal world had stopped. It did not seem fair at all.
He got up, and that was simply because he knew that Jeff wasn't going to leave until he did. He asked him what the new job was, and it was another protection detail but for the younger brother. Justice made a face and Jeff said something about at least he wouldn't have any thoughts of doing anything to get himself killed. Justice knew that Jeff was just being funny or trying to lighten the mood, but it did not sit well with him at all. What he and Allie had together was more than just sleeping together. He would never believe that it was some easy, breezy thing between them. It wasn't. It was intense, it was dark, and it was real. Maybe that was the worst part of it. Justice was so worried that it was all going to be erased, that he was going to be erased and it shouldn't have mattered, but it did. He loved her. Or something so close to love that there was no telling the difference.
“I need her back,” he said simply.
His voice was quiet, and his friend looked at him sternly. “Staying away from her is the only way you stay alive. If she really loves you the way that you love her, then she would want you to stay alive.”
That, of course, made sense. Justice knew that he was being dramatic. He just couldn't help it. Every time he tried to get up and pretend like nothing had happened, it would all hit him at the strangest time and in the strangest place. Something would remind him of her and then she would be all he was thinking about for the rest of the day. That wasn't helpful for any of it. Justice tried his best to pretend like he was okay. It was going to have to be. Jeff could give him a dirty look all he wanted to, but Justice really needed to pull himself together. They had a job to do and for some reason, Jeff reminding him that Allie wouldn't want him like that, straightened him up a little bit. He was far from better but maybe he could get through it.
***
A couple of months went by, and Justice wasn’t drinking all day anymore, but he did drink at night so that he wouldn’t think of Allie nonstop. He tried his best to get over her, like Jeff suggested, but it was impossible. Allie had made him feel something and Justice didn’t want to go back, but he didn’t know if he was going to have a choice. He thought about her whenever he went to bed at night, and while he dreamt, it was all about Allie. Justice was worried about what would happen next.
He started to date a girl that Ben had set him up with. Since he was taking care of Ben’s younger brother too, it just seemed like the natural change of things. Ben wanted him around more, called him “like family” and Justice was pretty sure if he knew the truth, that his nephew was going to be family to them both, he wouldn’t be so happy. Justice wasn’t stupid. Just because Ben was being nice to him then, he knew that he would never be able to let it go, he wouldn’t. Justice wanted there to be a way out of it, but he knew that he had to smile and pretend that he liked Ashley, the woman he had been set up with.
Ashley really wasn’t bad. She wasn’t Allie obviously, but Justice had come to the conclusion that she would have to do. He hadn’t done anything physical with her, even though they’d dated a month. He didn’t share much, and he felt something akin to boredom when they were around each other. It wasn’t the sort of feeling that a man would desire when with a woman. It certainly wasn’t how Justice had felt when he was with Allie.
Since they had been getting close, it wasn't that big of a deal when Justice was called in to see Ben at his office. He liked to talk business in there because Ben was a little paranoid. Justice could certainly understand it, considering how he had gotten his spot to begin with, but it still made him a little on edge. Every time he was called in, he had to wonder if that was the time that Ben was going to lay out the fact that he knew what Justice had done. That was probably Justice's biggest fear, but it wasn't something that he could change.
“What's up, boss?” Justice asked with a smile. It wasn't as forced as it used to be. At some point, Justice had to get over the fact that his Alpha would kill him if he knew the truth. He didn't want to seem too nervous, didn't want his heart rate going too high, so Justice had merely focused on not letting anything like that to become known. He would do his job to the best of his ability and that would keep him on the right side of it. That's what Justice hoped anyway. He knew that Gabriel was very close to Ben, and it hadn't been enough to save him. Justice didn't think that anything he did for Ben was going to save him either.
By his face, it looked like Ben was worked up over something. The first sentence or two out of his mouth, made Justice's heart drop. He didn't want his words to be true.
“I got a message from Allie, and something is going horribly wrong where she is at. I know she's married off now, but Allie will always be my responsibility, so I need to find out what's happening. I'm the one that picked Bishop for her so if I messed up somehow, I need to fix it. I don't know how to fix it though because they're married. It was so rushed; we were just going there to meet him and the next thing I know, they're getting married the next day. It didn't make any sense… So now she sent a message back to me saying that she wants to leave but he won't let her. I need to know what's really going on and I can't trust anybody else but you to find out. No one else has your loyalty. I don't want anyone else to know about this. I would like this kept between us.”
Justice was a mix of emotions and while he immediately agreed without hesitation, on the inside he was truly battling his emotions. To hear Allie's name without warning was a little jarring and to know that something was happening to her was even worse. Justice did not want to sit around and hear anything else. He was already ready to go. “So, what do you want me to do exactly?” Justice asked him.
Ben shrugged and told him that he honestly wasn't sure. “You are just going to have to see what is going on first and then use your best judgment. I trust you with my family and I trust your judgement, Justice. I know you will do the right thing.”
Justice wanted to know why he didn't send Gabriel. They were far closer, and Gabriel had taken care of Allie for most of her life. Justice wanted to know why, but he certainly wasn't going to put it into words. He instead nodded a couple more times as Ben gave him some instructions, and Justice wasn't sure how to feel about it. He didn't want to meet the man who got Allie. He didn't want to have anything to do with him, but if something was going on with Allie, if she needed help, Justice had to be there for her.
There was nothing else that he wanted to do and by the time he left Ben's office, he was filled with worry that he really couldn't shake, but he was also filled with hope. He thought about her being mated all over again, but what if that didn't last? Most mating ceremonies were for life, but what if this wasn't? Justice already knew where his mind was going and what he would want to change, but reality could be far different.
He asked Ben if he could take somebody with him and Justice was hoping to take Jeff, but Ben didn't want anybody to know what was going on, so Justice was on his own. It was certainly one of those times that he didn't mind. As long as he got Allie next to him again, that was all that mattered.
Chapter 20
Allie
While the day after her mating ceremony wasn't exactly what she had thought it would be, Allie was unfortunately going to be shocked even more as time went on. Her husband was not at all as he seemed. She had suspected that he was dating a man and while that was true, he lied about pretty much everything else. While he was an Alpha and rich and all of those things, he was also cold and hateful. Allie wasn't sure how she couldn't see it in his eyes.
He controlled everything, where she went, who she talked to, even if she had a phone or not. Bishop was convinced that she was trying to get back to Justice, which she was, but she made sure that he didn't know about Justice, nothing important anyway. It's not like she was ever going to be able to get back to him. At one point, she thought that maybe she could have her cake and eat it too, but that obviously wasn't it. Allie should be happy that Justice was still alive and leave it at that. Those were Bishop’s words, not hers.
There was a bit of time where she just didn't know what to do with herself. Instead of letting it all get to her, Allie decided to go into action. Her brother was a lot of things, but if he knew what was going on there and the man he had chosen for her, there was no way that he would make her stay. That was exactly what Allie was banking on. That's what she was hoping for. She hoped that he would take pity on her, and she would be able to get out of there. All she had to do was figure out a way to get a message to him. That idea had taken two months and a regular letter in the mail to accomplish. While Allie tried her best to keep herself positive, it was a lot harder than it should have been.
The biggest problem about the way she had left the message was she had no idea if he actually got it or not. She liked to think that he did and hoped that that was true, but she really didn’t have any idea. It wasn’t like there was a way to send a message back. Instead, she just had to wait and hope, which was a lot easier said than done. She hoped and she prayed, and she waited.
Almost another month went by, and Allie was to the point where she was giving up on any kind of hope. Obviously, what she wanted to happen and what was actually going to happen were two very different things. She wanted to believe that Justice would save her and everything would be alright, but the longer she waited and nothing happened, the less likely that he was ever going to come. She hadn't sent the message to Justice; she sent it to her brother but in the back of her mind it always played out that Justice came to save her. Even though it had been so long since she had laid eyes on him, Allie knew that it would feel tremendous to see him again.
As she worried, life kept moving on. Allie was trying to play the part of the good little wife, even though her husband was a nightmare. The only good thing about her marriage was that her husband didn't like women and never bothered her for anything that she couldn't even imagine doing anyway. Instead, he just sent her some anger every chance he got. Allie honestly wasn't sure what to think of it all. Most of the time at night she cried herself to sleep, and the rest of the time she was too exhausted from pretending all day to be upset.
She was having a particularly rough day when she kept hearing something at the window of the room she was staying in. It was supposed to be the same as any other night, but the constant sound at the window finally made her get up and go see what it was. There was no telling. She figured it was the branch from a nearby tree scraping against the glass. Whatever it was, Allie was going to make the sound stop and then she was going to go back to bed. Allie needed a break from her mind if nothing else.
Her eyes deceived her as she saw Justice standing in front of her. She couldn't believe her eyes. She blinked, rubbed them and finally asked the most-likely mirage if it was really him. He laughed and the rich sound sent a shiver through her body. Her body certainly knew the truth. That was Justice, her Justice. As much as ever, Allie thought she was losing her mind. “What are you doing here?”
He grinned and asked her if she was alone. Allie looked behind her and agreed. “She was alone, but no longer. Justice was finally there and that was all that Allie needed to know. Everything was going to be better now that Justice was there.
Before Allie could think of a better thing to do, she jumped into his arms and quietly but enthusiastically told him that she was very happy to see him. There were a few seconds before the two of them started to kiss, and Allie was relieved to feel his lips pressed against hers. She really needed to be reminded that it was real. It was hard for Allie to know that. For so long, she had waited for him and now he was finally there. Allie didn't know how to take it. She was shaking when she finally pulled away and looked at him. Her heart was rapidly pounding in her chest, and she just told him the truth. Allie told him how much he had been missed and she had every intention of showing him.
