Sarah nodded her head, but Carolyn wasn’t sure if she really heard her or not. Carolyn had to just put her faith in the fact that things were going to work out the way that they were supposed to. She had to put her faith in fate, even if it was killing her inside.
“I know, Mom. I want you to get better, so you can be happy, too.”
Carolyn didn’t comment. She wasn’t necessarily all that worried about her own happiness. She was worried about what was going to happen when her daughter fulfilled her fate, and she was gone for good. It was the way of things. It was how it was supposed to be, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t going to miss her terribly. They were really close, and that was all she could think about. Her daughter leaving her. Sarah would be happy and where she was fulfilling her destiny, but that didn’t mean that she was supposed to like it. She certainly didn’t.
“I will be better soon, too. I can feel it.”
That made her daughter smile, but it made Carolyn hurt inside. She was lying to Sarah, and she felt like crap about it. How could she make her own daughter believe such things? It just wasn’t right.
Chapter 13
Sarah
Sarah took the conversation with her mother differently than it was meant to be. It made her think that her mother had gotten worse news and she was going to die soon, by the way she was talking. She had this faraway look in her eyes, and Sarah was sure that all of that pointed to bad news. Her bad feeling was just compounded when her mom was close to tears when she left. Sarah was sure that’s what it was, but surprisingly, her mom started to get better in the next few months.
The three months that she had left on her contract went by pretty quickly. Sarah was glad, too, because she wasn’t happy with her current job, not even a little. She was ignored most of the time, and Sarah had given up trying to do anything more than the bare minimum. That was what they wanted for some reason, even if she didn’t understand why. It didn’t matter why, she reminded herself. All they were worried about was what was going to happen in the near future, days, not months or years. Sarah liked to see the big picture, and she liked dealing with people that were the same as her, seeing it the way she did.
When her contract was over, Sarah got a substantial severance pay and it was all she could do not to take a little time off. She wanted to, working all that time with no real vacation, but that wasn’t what was meant to be. Instead, she had to start work with Harold in the morning. She was nervous about how it would all go, but optimistic. They hadn’t talked since that last time they were together, ironing out the details of her new employment. Sarah thought that he would keep in touch, as much as he had liked to be around her. At least, that’s what she had hoped for, anyway.
Sarah instead had to go in sort of blind. She worried in the back of her mind if Harold had forgotten all about her and he wasn’t going to know what was going on. What if he didn’t remember that he had hired her, and it was all going to be a bust? Sarah’s anxiety was high. She didn’t even know who she was supposed to talk to or anything. She’d just been given an address, a date, and a time. That was it. Sarah remembered all of the security before, and she knew that it was going to be complicated. If they didn’t know who she was or where she was going, there was no way that she was going to argue with anyone. Sarah very well could be unable to start on her first day.
She worked it all up in her head, so by the time that she got up to the receptionist’s desk and gave them her name, she was half-ready for them to send her away, having never heard of her. Sarah had banked a lot on the job with Harold, but now she wondered what would happen, what would she do, if that wasn’t as much of a ‘sure thing’ as she would have liked it to be? Then what?
That didn’t happen, though. Sarah was immediately told that she would be escorted up to the eighteenth floor. Harold had remembered and she was sent right up there to him. She was happy that he remembered that she was supposed to work for him, frustrated that she would have to meet him right off. Sarah didn’t know if she was ready for all of that yet or not. She wanted to believe that she was, but there was no way. Even after several months away from him, Sarah still distinctly remembered the way he made her feel and the way he’d made her act.
Sarah pulled herself together on the ride up. She was sort of used to the armed guards, and she even went as far as to ask why they were needed. She was an employee there now and had expected that she wouldn’t need to be followed up, but apparently that wasn’t the case. Apparently, Harold had some kind of reason to have so much security, but the guards wouldn’t tell her what they were for. It just made Sarah wonder more, making up scenarios in her head. It was all she could do, not to guess. The two guards at the elevator were met by the four that were on the eighteenth floor with her, and she didn’t feel any safer with them being there. It made her wonder what they were doing there. It made no sense.
When she finally got to see Harold, Sarah couldn’t help herself. She had to say something about the security. She said it in jest, but Harold didn’t take it that way. He actually got defensive and wanted her to know that they were necessary. It wasn’t something that he wanted, but it was something that he had to have. It was a pretty ambiguous answer, so Sarah was clear now that it wasn’t to be asked and the answer wasn’t to be given. That was just as well, she thought. She was already on edge as it was. She didn’t need to start pushing stuff so far. It was just her first day after all.
“So, I wasn’t sure where we were going to start.”
“You said that you wanted to start with our accounting.”
Sarah was surprised that he remembered that, too. She looked around his desk, expecting to find notes or something, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, he was just doing it all from memory and she was rather shocked that he remembered. Sarah did, because he was who he was, but why would he remember her? Was she just trying to put things out into the world that weren’t really there? It almost felt like it in a way.
“Yes, you’re right. I did say that.”
He waved his hand like obviously that was where she should start. Not only was he actually going to listen to her, but it didn’t look like she was going to get any focus or even direction to go in. He was just going to let her loose in his business and see what she could come up with?
It was almost too good to be true. Sarah had never had so much freedom in a job before and while she liked the idea of it, she was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to deliver. That had never been a problem before, but there was just something about Harold, that made her question everything.
Everything.
“Where would you like me to work? Is there a desk with my name on it downstairs?”
Harold shook his head that there wasn’t. Sarah waited for him to say more, but then he just got up and started walking out of the room. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to follow or not. He hadn’t said anything, but he did look behind him and ask if she was coming or not.
He was different than the two other times she had met him. He had been nice to her, kind even, and now, he was right back to the rude guy on the phone that she had talked to so long ago. It was all coming back to her now.
The desk that she had was in a nice-looking office, bigger than she expected. Everything there was a bit grander than she had dreamed of, but it was just too much. She couldn’t possibly stay there, on the top floor with him, could she? Sarah didn’t see anyone else up there, so she worried that it was just going to be him and her.
“Is it just me up here, me and you?”
Harold agreed and again, Sarah wanted to ask questions. She must have looked that way, too, because Harold was answering it before she could even ask, like he knew. It was starting to really feel like Harold could read her mind and her emotions. She didn’t know how he did it, but Sarah was thankful for it all.
“Well, you are going to be basically checking in on everyone, looking over their shoulder and finding their faults. It will be better if you don’t know too many people personally. It will help you to do the job better and easier, if you don’t have your conscience pushed in there as well. Trust me, you can’t get close, or it won’t work in business.”
Sarah had felt like there was something between them and maybe he had wanted her up there, so that they could chat and flirt like before. That was not the case, and Sarah found that she was bummed out about it. She didn’t know what she wanted, but Sarah wanted the option.
