I could be carrying his child.
It was a thought that had occurred to Tansy in the lonely quiet that had fallen after Maxim’s departure, when she had been swimming in the depths of misery and despair, hating herself for what she’d done, longing for him just the same. She had considered what she would have to do should that prove the outcome of her reckless affair. But these were worries she would consider later, if they became necessary. And so she kept the final confession to herself.
“And he didn’t force himself upon you?” Princess Anastasia asked, echoing the question she had posed before.
“He would never do so,” she said, for she had no doubt of the veracity of her statement.
Maxim would never harm a woman. She trusted him implicitly. With her body, with her heart.
The princess gave her a long, searching look, as if she wasn’t certain she should believe Tansy’s claim. Until, at last apparently satisfied, she nodded. “Good. I couldn’t live with myself if something had happened to you while I was gone. You’re too precious to me.”
Tansy gaped. “How can I be precious to you after what I’ve done? I’ve committed the greatest sin against you. You should be sending me far from you, far from the king. I don’t deserve your concern or your understanding.”
“You know that I don’t care for him,” Princess Anastasia said quietly. “I’m not in love with him. He could bed a hundred other women, and it wouldn’t affect me. The love I have for Archer is bigger and stronger than anything. And if you are happy with the king, that is a great consolation to me.”
“I can’t be happy with him.” She shook her head. “He’s marrying you.”
Princess Anastasia nodded. “It isn’t uncommon, particularly in arranged marriages, for the husband and wife to seek happiness beyond their union. I don’t love the king, and I don’t want to marry him. But if I haven’t a choice in who I wed, then should I not at least have the chance to find my own contentedness? And should not the king find his own as well? But more than that for you, my dearest friend. You deserve happiness too.”
Tansy was certain she was misunderstanding the princess. “Are you telling me you want me to be the king’s mistress?”
“If you love him, as you say. And if it is what you want.”
Tansy reeled. She had anticipated many reactions from Princess Anastasia—had dreaded them all. And yet, she had never expected calm acceptance among them.
“Why?” she asked. “Why would you wish for such a thing?”
“Because I can never truly find happiness myself,” she said. “Not living in Varros, not as any man’s wife, save Archer’s. I cannot have what I want, but you can.”
“No,” she denied. “Not as his mistress. Not when I’m betraying you.”
“It wouldn’t be a betrayal if I sanction it.”
“I couldn’t forgive myself,” she insisted. “I won’t do it, Your Highness. Not even if you demand it of me.”
“I would never make such a demand.” Princess Anastasia placed a soothing hand on her arm. “You needn’t fear on that account, Tansy. But if you expect me to dismiss you for following your heart, you’re sorely mistaken. Indeed, it would be dreadfully hypocritical of me after I’ve just followed my own, even if doing so has left mine irreparably broken.”
Tansy swallowed hard against a rush of emotion, knowing all too well how her friend felt. There was a certain, imprecise agony in loving a person who could never be one’s own.
She took a deep breath and forced a reassuring smile she didn’t feel, for that was her duty. “Your heart will heal. Given time and distance, it will be whole again.”
The princess gave her a rueful smile. “How I wish that you were right, dear friend.”
And Tansy couldn’t argue the matter. For she wished the same.
CHAPTER 14
“You don’t want to marry her,” Nando observed needlessly as their carriage rattled over the rutted London road, splashing through the incessant rain that seemed intent upon drowning the land.
The weather was a mirror to his soul, Maxim thought with uncharacteristic whimsy. Word had reached him that Princess Anastasia had found her brother Prince Theodoric and convinced him to join their cause. At last. She had also recovered from her wounds sufficiently enough so that she could return to the town house where Lady Tansy kept her vigil. And miraculously, there had been a sudden halt in further attempts on his life.
Which meant that, for now, Maxim and his men had managed to kill every bastard sent to spill his blood. He had no doubt there would be more.
It also meant that the time to formally announce his betrothal to the princess had come.
“As we discussed, whether I want to marry the princess is a moot point,” he said, drumming his fingers on his knees.
His cravat was too tight. It felt like a noose.
