Vivi accepted the parcel, unwrapping it slowly. When she extracted the tortoiseshell box, she gasped.
“Court. Surely it is not…” Her eyes flew to his, glistening with unshed tears.
He swallowed hard against a rising lump of emotion and gave a jerky nod. “It is. You had wondered at my interactions with the Marchioness of Hazlehurst in Paris. She is well-known for her collection ofobjets d’art. I had heard she was in possession of a singing bird box just like the one Percy gifted you years ago.”
“You remembered,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek now.
“I know that you treasured it because Percy gave it to you, and this can never replace the box you lost,” he began, moved by her reaction more than he was prepared to admit, “but I hope that you look upon it and that it brings you happy memories.”
“Oh, Court.” More tears were falling, and she made no move to stay them.
“Open it,” he suggested, terrified he would unman himself by beginning to weep as well.
She sniffed, dashing at her cheeks with the back of her hand before pressing the lever on the front of the box. The lid popped open, the bird emerging with its little song, beak, wings, and tail all moving in delighted unison. When the song was done, the lid snapped closed.
“Thank you,” she said with great feeling. “This is like receiving it from Percy, in a way, anew. I will treasure it always.”
He sniffed, his eyes burning, vision blurring. Damn it, he hadn’t wept in months. Drowning his misery in bottles of wine had seemed so much less painful.
“You needn’t thank me,” he forced himself to say, “particularly after you hear what I have to tell you.”
She blinked, her head cocking in the fashion of an inquisitive bird as she held the box before her like a shield. “What is it that you have to tell me?”
He took a deep breath, summoning the courage to say the words that he’d yet to acknowledge to anyone else. To reveal the true depths of the guilt that had been festering in his soul for the last year.
“I should have been with him when he set out from Ilfracombe on theMarguerite,” he forced out, the admission painful, like a cracked and bruised rib. “The day he died.”
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
God, he hated this. Hated saying the words, hated knowing that he could have been there for his friend. That he could have done something to help Percy when the yacht had begun to sink. But he had to tell Vivi. For himself, for her, for the brother and friend they had both so loved. The full truth was necessary.
“Percy was keen to test the yacht for the Cowes Regatta,” he continued. “As you know, I was with him on that trip down to Devon.”
She nodded. “We were grateful you were there to search for him after theMargueritecapsized.”
Court had searched the unforgiving waters of the Bristol Channel for any sign of his best friend. But hours had passed, and while the bodies of the other men aboard had gradually been found, Percy’s had never surfaced.
“What you don’t know, and what I never told you, is that Percy had invited me to go with him on the yacht that morning. I had every intention to do so, but the night before, I was playing cards and drank far too much Sauternes. I overslept the next morning, and he set off without me. By the time I woke, he was sailing into that damned squall, convinced his yacht was invincible.”
Court’s voice broke on the last word, for they both knew just how very vulnerable the yacht had proven that day. It had capsized and sunk almost instantly, leaving the men aboard with no chance to save themselves.
“You couldn’t have known theMargueritewould sink that day,” Vivi said softly, moving toward him, setting the box aside as she took his hands in hers. “No one knew that.”
He took a deep breath and directed his gaze to the windows behind Vivi, unable to hold her stare. “But if I had been there at his side, I could have persuaded him to turn around before he reached the squall. I could have been the voice of reason he needed. And if I couldn’t have done that, I’m a far stronger swimmer than Percy was. Perhaps I could have kept him from drowning. If I hadn’t been so damned deep in my cups the night before, I would have been there for him when he needed me most. The guilt I feel over sleeping until noon that day has been haunting me ever since. Not only did I break my promise to the man I considered a brother, but I left him to die alone.”
There. The ugly truth had finally left him, and he felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Silence met his bitter confession, but Vivi’s fingers were still laced through his. She hadn’t rejected him yet.
“Court.” She said his name so tenderly, mournfully, dragging his gaze back to hers.
And what he saw reflected in her eyes was neither anger nor disgust. It wasn’t hatred or even grief. Instead, it was compassion.
“You shouldn’t look at me like that,” he rasped hoarsely. “I’ve been too bloody scared to tell you the full truth of that day for fear I’d lose you forever.”
“So, instead, you left me.”
“I had to, Vivi,” he bit out. “I lived while he died, and then I broke my promise to him in a moment of weakness. I couldn’t look at my damned reflection in the mirror, let alone you. But I couldn’t stay away from you, either. I’m selfish and weak where you’re concerned.”
“I understand,” she said, and then she wrapped her arms around him tightly, holding him close. “Nothing that happened was your fault, Court. And if you had been on theMargueritewith Percy that day, it’s entirely possible that I would have lost you too. I couldn’t have survived that. I’m glad you weren’t aboard.”
