It was plain to see how blissful the duke and duchess were now, and Elizabeth was happy for them, truly she was. But her marriage with Torrie was an entirely different matter.
“Forgive me,” she said, sniffing again when her nose began to drip as a result of all her tears, “but I don’t understand what that has to do with what I witnessed last night with Torrie. I have no doubt he was not intending to push me away. He was quite obviously shocked to see me standing there at the threshold of his study. He and Lady Worthing hadn’t intended for a witness to their tryst.”
So many questions churned through her. Had he sent her to the terrace so that he could steal away with the countess? Had he become distracted and forgotten his invitation to Elizabeth? Had his wedding vow to remain faithful to her meant nothing to him?
She closed her eyes, wishing for darkness to blot out the morning light, but nothing could chase the image of the countess on her knees before Torrie from Elizabeth’s mind. Nor the damning evidence of what they had been about—the buttons undone on the fall of his trousers. And nothing would banish the triumphant expression on Lady Worthing’s beautiful face from her memory either, regardless of how desperately she longed for it to be decimated.
“What I’m trying to tell you, my dear, is that sometimes, there is more to the story than what you see,” Hattie said, giving Elizabeth’s shoulder a consoling squeeze. “If I had walked away from my husband that day, believing everything that was before me, I never would have found the happiness that I have with him now. We wouldn’t have our beloved son, and Titus has brought us such great, everlasting joy. If I had walked away from my husband in anger that day and never forgiven him or attempted to understand what I had seen, I would have simply believed the worst, and our marriage would have been at an impasse.”
Elizabeth inhaled deeply and forced her eyes open, ashamed to find they were once more filled with scalding tears. “He lied to me, Hattie, and he betrayed me with Lady Worthing. I don’t think I can ever trust him again. I most certainly cannot tell him that I love him, for it would grant him far too much power over me.”
Belatedly, it occurred to her that she had just revealed her feelings to Torrie’s own sister. She had grown so close to Hattie over the last few weeks that sometimes, it was difficult to recall where her true allegiance must lie—with her brother.
“You do love him, then,” Hattie said quietly.
She thought of the man who had kissed her with such passion, who had made her feel beautiful and wanted for the first time in her life, who had sworn he would always champion her. The lover who had shown her such tender passion, who had brought her Angel and remembered the name of her girlhood cat.
And she couldn’t deny it. Even after what he had done, the shock of finding him not just alone with the Countess of Worthing, but with the woman on her knees before him, just as Elizabeth had been not long ago.
Because he had asked her to.
Had he asked Lady Worthing to do so as well?
Her stomach roiled at the thought of it.
“I do,” she managed. “God help me, but I do.”
“I can see how badly you’re hurting, dearest Bess, and I understand why,” Hattie said quietly. “My brother is here, waiting downstairs, asking to speak with you. If you want me to send him away, I will. Although it may be of no consolation to you, he looks every bit as miserable as you are, and I doubt he slept at all last night.”
Torrie was here.
The knowledge sent alarm washing over her. She scrambled from the bed, emotions overwhelming her. “I have no wish to be the cause of strife between brother and sister. I’ll go.”
Angel made an alarmed mewl and followed her to the edge of the bed as she wrestled with her night rail in an effort to maintain her modesty. She had brought almost nothing with her in her haste to escape the ball and Torrington House both. Now, she wished she had at least packed one of her serviceable gowns from Lady Andromeda. Heaven knew she had no wish to wear anything Torrie had bought for her.
Her new wardrobe could be sent to the ashes where her heart already was, a burning, smoldering ruin.
“Please, Bess, don’t go,” Hattie urged, hastening to her side. “You are welcome here at Hamilton House for as long as you wish to stay with us. And you are not the cause of strife in any way. I love you and Torrie, and all I want is to see you both have the happiness you deserve.”
“I’ll not find it with him,” Elizabeth said, adamant. “He fooled me into believing that I could, that it was possible for a beautiful rake like him to care for a plain, plump wallflower. But I’ve learned my lesson now. How I wish he had simply let me go that night, to whatever fate awaited me. I cannot help but to feel I wouldn’t be as miserable as I am now.”
“You are neither plain, nor plump, and the woman I saw last night at the ball was no wallflower. You had gentlemen fawning over the chance to win your hand for a dance.”
“Only because I am Viscountess Torrington,” she said bitterly. “And only because they were curious. They wanted to know just how scandalous I was, a governess who had failed on the marriage mart and managed to secure a handsome lord as my husband.” She paused, shaking her head. “None of those men desired me. They desired the idea of the temptingon ditsthey might learn from me. Or perhaps they were bored. But I don’t fool myself. How can I, after what I happened upon last night?”
The ball had been much like the misery of her Seasons, only worse. Far, far worse. Her Seasons had ended in disappointment, but at least they had not ended in a broken heart. She did not think it would be possible to recover from her devastation.
“I think you are far too unkind to yourself,” the duchess told her, frowning. “You were glorious last night. Everyone I spoke to was saying so. They were all impressed by your grace and your composure, your elegance and your beauty. I overheard ladies saying they wished to have a gown made in the fashion of yours.”
She loved Hattie for trying to bolster her shattered confidence, but all the praises in the world couldn’t change the rest of what had happened last night.
“Nothing matters,” she said, trying to explain herself. “Not the gowns, not the acceptance of everyone who once ignored me. I could have every gentleman in London wishing to dance with me, falling at my feet for the next waltz, and it wouldn’t matter. All I ever wanted was to be a wife. To be Torrie’s wife. And for a few precious weeks, I had that. But now it’s gone. Your mother was right. I reached too high, and now I must pay the price.”
“Oh, Bess.” Hattie swept her into a comforting embrace, and Elizabeth allowed it, finding solace in the sisterhood Torrie’s sister had shown her. “My brother cares for you. I know that may be difficult to believe, given everything that has happened. But I’ve never seen him with anyone else the way he is with you. Not before his accident, and most assuredly not after. I want to believe that this was all some sort of dreadful misunderstanding.”
“I want to believe that as well,” she whispered. “You have no idea how much I wish for that, but I cannot believe there is any sufficient explanation for what I witnessed in his study.”
“Shall I tell him that he must go?” Hattie asked, drawing back to search Elizabeth’s face, her own countenance drawn.
