Had she been? Somewhat. Perhaps.
Oh, who was she fooling? Yes. She had. Shewas.
“No,” she told him anyway, summoning a smile.
“Hmm,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back.
The posture was fast becoming a familiar one. It made him look roguishly charming and stern and lordly all at once.
She took a deep breath, attempting to dispel the traitorous stirrings of desire. “We should converse. About what happened. About your brother’s wife.”
He looked around them to determine they were still alone. Fortunately, the train was not yet scheduled to arrive, and thus neither had the remainder of the guests who would be descending upon Barlowe Park for the wedding. This was the time.
This dialogue was necessary.
“Yes.” He was solemn. “Forgive me, Izzy. If I had any notion she would have wandered into the library, I never would have done what I did.”
“Tell me who she is to you,” she said, needing to know. “Aside from being your brother’s widow. Who was she—is she—toyou, Zachary?”
His nostrils flared, the easy charm fleeing his countenance and replaced by harsh, grim lines. “I have already told you, she is nothing to me, aside from a burden.”
“A burden you once loved,” she guessed.
He looked as if he were about to object, so Izzy held up a staying hand. “No, allow me to finish, my lord. You cannot persuade me that your disdain for the countess would be so strong if you had not felt something more for her first. Your familiarity is apparent in your words and actions.”
“You truly wish to know?”
The question sounded as if it were torn from him, emerging from a deep, secretive place within. A place he ordinarily kept buried beneath the façade of the roguish seducer.
“I do,” she said simply. “We are rushing into this wedding with such haste, given the scandal I caused. But despite everything, we ought to know we are not going to cause each other any further pain. Do you not agree?”
He inclined his head. “I assure you, my dear. There is no pain you are capable of dealing me. I am quite hollow and numb and dead on the inside.”
Irony and bitterness laced his voice, and she found herself oddly envious of the widowed countess to have been the one to cause such a reaction in him. Not that Izzy wished to be the source of his pain; quite the opposite. But envy in another sense entirely. What would it be like to be the woman he felt for as strongly as he must have once for the widow?
“I require loyalty,” she blurted. “In my husband as well as others in my life.”
“You shall have it.”
“Faithfulness,” she added pointedly. “I require that as well, my lord. I had not realized how important fidelity was to me in a marriage with you until last night.”
He did not hesitate. “You shall have that too, as long as it is mutually exchanged.”
His easy acquiescence gave her pause. “You are well-known for your romantic peccadillos. Do you truly mean to suggest you intend to be faithful to me for the entirety of our marriage?”
He nodded. “As long as you are faithful to me, the favor shall be returned.”
Izzy had no intention of sharing any part of herself with another. “Of course.”
“And if you should, for any reason, change your mind and choose to take a lover, give me warning.”
He feared she would take a lover?Heavens, she was over her head with him alone. Him and his decadent seduction. His knowing lips and tongue and teeth.
But the lingering question remained, prodding and persistent as ever. He still had not revealed his shared past with his brother’s wife. And if he was not willing to be honest with her, she had no wish to proceed with the wedding.
“You need not fear on that account, my lord. I have no interest in pursuing another. One broken heart is all I can bear. I shall never leave myself vulnerable to such pain again.”
“And nor will I,” he agreed, his gaze holding and searing into hers.
