One deep breath, and she rushed forward. “I wished to apologize for what happened earlier. I was wrong to assume you had not been properly looking after Emily, and I am sorry for leaping to erroneous conclusions. After I had time to calm down, I realized how quickly she can get into trouble, and that you acted in haste to remove the daisy before she could swallow it. You did everything you could. I should not have been so harsh.”
He stared at her for so long, his emerald gaze indecipherable, that her cheeks went hot beneath his scrutiny. Which was foolish, of course, for this man had seen and known every part of her. All there was to see and know.
And yet, he still affected her.
In some ways, she was still the same foolish chit who had taken one look at her friend’s handsome older brother and lost her heart. Nothing had changed. Except that she was older now. Wiser. She knew what she had to do, the distance she needed to maintain. But mayhap treating him with kindness and understanding would pave the way for the future she sought to secure.
“Do you have nothing to say?” she asked him when at last she could bear no more waiting. No more ceaseless contemplating, longing.
She was on the edge of a dangerous realization, and she wished to do everything in her power to avoid it. To quash her heart’s rebellion. To keep it quiet and cold and safe, just as it had been for the last two years. Everything she wanted was within her grasp. She had only to bide her time. Maintain her calm.
“Thank you.” He bowed to her again. “I bid you good evening, Julianna.”
And then, he turned on his heel and strode toward the door he had so recently entered.
She rushed after him without thinking. “Shelbourne, wait.”
But he continued, his long-legged strides taking him away from her.
“Shelbourne.”
He stopped abruptly and spun about. The intensity in his expression took her by surprise. She stopped, heart pounding. The politeness had leached from his face.
“What do you want, Julianna? I accept your apology. And now, I wish to go to bed.”
She bit her lip at the ferocity in his voice. Mayhap she had pushed him further than she had believed that afternoon. Or mayhap it was the strain of their sudden marriage and being a father, hitting him all at once.
She summoned some more daring. “I want to speak with you. Please.”
His nostrils flared, his eyes dark and tempestuous. “But I do not wish to speak with you any longer.”
Her insides coiled into a familiar knot. “You took dinner elsewhere this evening again?”
He sighed, then raked his fingers through his hair. “And?”
“Why?” she asked. “Where were you?”
“Wherever I wished to be.”
“Not at home.”
His jaw tensed. “I never dine at home.”
Of course he did not. Why had she supposed he would? What did she expect from him? Besides, the more he stayed away, and the more removed he was from her, the better it would be for her resolve. Why, then, did she argue? Julianna knew not. And yet, she continued, for reasons she did not care to examine.
“You missed putting Emily to sleep for the night.”
His lips tightened. “Would I have been welcome? What happened in the gardens leaves me doubtful of that. Understandably so, I should think.”
It was a valid question.Wouldshe have wanted him to join in her nightly ritual of rocking Emily and singing to her until their daughter fell sweetly, soundly asleep? She had not meant to say those words, it was true. But they had come from some place deep within her. A place of truth. She was accepting his place in Emily’s life. Slowly. Painstakingly. But he had also proven himself worthy of that acceptance.
Still, she was so filled with confused emotion, and her pride kept her from making any such concessions to the devil himself. “Emily would have wanted you there.”
He cocked his head, his gaze sweeping over her in considering fashion, lingering on her lips. “And what of her mother?”
“I would not have objected.”
“Hmm. Hardly a welcome.” His expression remained solemn.
