It seemed impossible there could be anything beyond this glorious closeness, the feeling of him lodged inside her. They were as close as a man and woman could be, and yet they were both fully clothed, too many layers of cloth separating her bare skin from his. Somehow, it did not matter. Nothing mattered but the moment, the man.
It was right. She had not a moment of guilt over her decision. Nary a regret. This was meant to be.
“More,” she whispered, clutching his shoulders, hands traveling over the strong planes of his back. The need to touch him everywhere rose, strident and impossible to ignore.
So she did. She caressed him everywhere, committing to memory the broadness of his shoulders, the sinews and muscles there. His arms, his back, his bottom, his wavy hair. He felt so wonderful beneath her questing fingertips, against her, inside her. She loved him so much, and the love within her blossomed, growing, becoming larger than herself.
He began a rhythm that sent sparks showering over her, chasing any lingering discomfort. She clutched him to her, kissing him, and it felt as if they were the only two people in all the world. Julianna never wanted this night to end.
His fingers found the place where their bodies joined, glancing over her, and she lost control, clenching on him. A rush of fierce pleasure shot through her. Another moan tore from her as he moved faster, deeper, stretching her, claiming her.
Making herhis.
When she reached her second pinnacle, he stiffened and slid deep, and the sensation of something hot flooded her. He collapsed against her, his body a welcome weight atop hers.
He had given her his body. Now all she needed was his heart.
Chapter 13
Present
I ought to have known better than to believe a gentleman like him could ever want a lady such as myself. All those words, those kisses, those promises…they meant nothing in the end, and that bitter truth was never more painfully apparent than on the day I saw him with her. I shall never forget the agony. It fills me still, an ocean between us, our daughter in my arms. Mayhap one day, with enough time, my heart shall be whole again. Until then, it remains nothing but bitter, jagged shards.
~from the journal of Lady Julianna Somerset, 1883
The Lady’s Suffrage Society meeting to discuss the next issue of their new journal was underway in the crimson drawing room at Wickley House. It was Julianna’s first sojourn to Hellie and the Earl of Huntingdon’s stately townhome since she had revealed the truth to her friend. Hellie and the earl had called upon Julianna and Shelbourne to meet Emily shortly after their wedding. But even then, Julianna’s interactions with Hellie had been stiff and disjointed, whilst tempered with her friend’s delight at meeting her niece for the first time. It would take time, Julianna knew, to heal the wounds.
And although she was devoted to their cause, her enthusiasm was somewhat diminished by her nervousness. Her palms were damp and her stomach was knotted. Hellie had been polite but guarded. There was a distance between them which had never existed before, and Julianna only had herself to blame. She understood her friend’s hurt, confusion, and distrust. Emily was her niece, after all, and although their difference in age and sex had rendered Hellie and Sidney’s relationship naturally distant in certain ways, Hellie loved her brother, and she was fiercely loyal.
Lady Jo Decker was speaking now, the petite, dark-haired beauty holding everyone’s attention. “Mr. Decker has been able to secure some advertisers for the journal, which will enable us to print more pamphlets with the additional funds they bring. Robard’s Chlorodyne and Davidson’s Laundry Bluing have agreed to place advertisements in theLady’s Suffrage Society Times, and my husband is also speaking with some drapers and Bunting’s Cookery School. Mr. Decker’s various businesses which may be of interest to ladies will advertise as well.”
“That is an excellent idea,” the Duchess of Longleigh commended with enthusiasm.
Although Julianna and many of the Society ladies had traveled in different social circles prior to her departure from England, they had all become friends through their united cause. Julianna was the newest addition to their ranks, but the other women had welcomed her, and she appreciated their kindness and generosity of heart very much. In some ways, returning to London had felt much like her arrival in New York City had: daunting, terrifying, with the fear no one knew her and fewer still would like her.
This gathering of ladies had helped to allay those fears.
However, Julianna was keenly aware of the lies she had told, the distance between herself and Hellie. She had no doubt the other ladies had taken note. Julianna had been one of the last to arrive at the gathering, and no one had raised a brow when the butler had announced her using her new title.
Lady Shelbourne felt like a stranger.
So did Lord Shelbourne, for that matter.
“There is the matter of who shall host next month’s meeting,” Lady Jo was saying. “Julianna and Tilly, the two of you have yet to host. Which of you would prefer the honor?”
The Duchess of Longleigh cast a glance in Julianna’s direction, brows raised, face frozen. Her countenance suggested anything but enthusiasm for hosting the meeting, and Julianna could only suppose it was because of the duchess’s husband, who was a notorious rotter.
“I will host at Cagney House,” Julianna volunteered weakly.
Whilst she had no wish to entertain given the strained nature of her own marriage, the Duchess of Longleigh’s distress was too apparent to ignore. Shelbourne would have to behave himself.Good heavens.Did Shelbourne even have the capacity to behave himself? She would have to hope he would.
Mayhap she could send him to his club?
“Thank you, Julianna.” Lady Jo beamed at her. “That would be lovely of you.”
She smiled weakly, hoping itwouldbe lovely and not a colossal disaster. “It will be my pleasure.”
The meeting continued for an indeterminate span of time, with various topics being discussed. Letters of recommendation from parliamentary candidates, public meetings, the publication of a women’s suffrage calendar, new universities for female students, and various leaflets and other groups such as theirs all received mention. There was much excitement amongst the group of assembled ladies.
